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Post-Apocalypse BDSM - 8/1/2016 8:18:22 PM

Wayward5oul

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There may have already been some threads on this topic that I missed. If so, just link some of them in a response and I will go back and read those.

So I started publicly acknowledging and learning about bdsm around the same time that 50SoG came out. (Disclaimer: I have not read the books, nor seen the movie.)

I saw what things were like then, and how they are now that the frenzy has died down. Throughout all of this (but more so before than now) I have heard people talk about how bad things were on the internet and in communities because of all of the 50SoG wannabes.

My questions are targeted towards those of you that were active before 50SoG. What are your thoughts on:

What affects, good or bad, did you start to see in the scene starting with the emergence of the initial book, and building up to the release of the sequels, and finally the movie release?

Now that the 'frenzy' is over, what lasting effects, good and/or bad, do you think the whole 50SoG phenomenon has had on the scene?

Do any of you believe that things have changed enough that you are prepared to leave it behind?

Anyone like to share their funniest, stupidest, weirdest anecdotal experiences that can be attrbuted to the influence of 50SoG?

Post #: 1

RE: Post-Apocalypse BDSM - 8/1/2016 8:51:04 PM

OsideGirl

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From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul

There may have already been some threads on this topic that I missed. If so, just link some of them in a response and I will go back and read those.

So I started publicly acknowledging and learning about bdsm around the same time that 50SoG came out. (Disclaimer: I have not read the books, nor seen the movie.)

I saw what things were like then, and how they are now that the frenzy has died down. Throughout all of this (but more so before than now) I have heard people talk about how bad things were on the internet and in communities because of all of the 50SoG wannabes.

My questions are targeted towards those of you that were active before 50SoG. What are your thoughts on:

What affects, good or bad, did you start to see in the scene starting with the emergence of the initial book, and building up to the release of the sequels, and finally the movie release?

Now that the 'frenzy' is over, what lasting effects, good and/or bad, do you think the whole 50SoG phenomenon has had on the scene?

Do any of you believe that things have changed enough that you are prepared to leave it behind?

Anyone like to share their funniest, stupidest, weirdest anecdotal experiences that can be attrbuted to the influence of 50SoG?

Well, we can start with the story: it struck me as being written by someone that had never had a succesful D/s relationship. A self made 25 year old billionaire who started as foster child and is devastatingly handsome. And has had multiple submissives. How he can get them,we have no idea.

Then you have the relationship. He's emotionally stunted and she's amazingly insecure with a premise that Mr Emotionally Stunted sees something in her and just has to have her.

It's the bodice ripper redux.

While we gained some acceptance out of the books, it also bought some problems. Unrealistic expectations, an inability to connect and because the majority of devotees were female....a large number of predators. Hell, even venues got into the scam by hosting 50 Shades nights.

I think the people that are/were fantasy driven are mostly gone at this point. Their "disillusion" point has already expired. I think the ones that are left really do want to have a D/s relationship. Some will have figured out reality and some will be stuck in the revolving door of fantasy and relationship failure.

But, over all, it has brought some level of acceptance to the community. Hell, I have vanilla friends that have read the Beauty books now.

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Post #: 2

RE: Post-Apocalypse BDSM - 8/1/2016 9:03:05 PM

Wayward5oul

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
But, over all, it has brought some level of acceptance to the community. Hell, I have vanilla friends that have read the Beauty books now.

The Beauty books...I read them in my late twenties and LOVED them. I never really talk about them, because I am not sure that people influenced by them would be seen as any different than those influenced by 50SoG. I was never really aware if Beauty had ANY legitimacy as bdsm literature. I know how it made me feel, but not everyone else feel, people who actually had experience in the lifestyle.

Especially as I was drawn to Anne Rice literature, and I couldn't tell if the popularity of the books was due to the content or who wrote it.

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RE: Post-Apocalypse BDSM - 8/1/2016 9:16:46 PM

OsideGirl

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I loved them when I found them and they were my wank fodder for years. I'm also a fan of Anne Rice in general. They gave me the courage to get into this, but I didn't try to live them.

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Post #: 4

RE: Post-Apocalypse BDSM - 8/2/2016 2:26:58 AM

NookieNotes

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I never found it to be all that affective, the 50 crap. There have always been newbies. I've always seeked them out, taken them under my wing... That's just who I am.

The 50 peeps did not seem to have crazy expectations, no more than any frenzied sub-wannabe.

People who find their way to actual meet-ups have a drive. And I don't pay attention to the online wankers.

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Post #: 5

RE: Post-Apocalypse BDSM - 8/2/2016 4:27:32 AM

LilJuly76

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I'm with you Nookie on that one. I was a newbie myself 22 years ago, but the Internet was only a few years old, added to that I didn't have the internet then, I was a BDSM virgin and I was taught from the ground up from a Master and thankfully I have had a lot of great Dominants a long the way, that all taught me BDSM stuff.

I know that the 50 shades of crap made BDSM a little more acceptable out in the vanilla world but to me it's just a glorified love story.

When I was on fet the first time I came across this whole slew of newbies that were wannabes that willing to be submissive as long as they get a big cock to fuck them hard all day and night that I had to laugh.

the old pros including myself entailed what a D/s relationship and BDSM was and what it included not just a fuck me hard session. They couldn't believe it, they couldn't believe that the Dominant lead the relationship and the submissive was submissive within that relationship and how hard a D/s relationship was to maintain.

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Post #: 6

RE: Post-Apocalypse BDSM - 8/2/2016 4:39:06 AM

WhoreMods

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The thing that I find particularly hilarious about the 50 Shades nonsense is that Pauline Reage's stuff has been reissued with similar photo covers and a cover blurb comparing them to EL James. That's so utterly pathetic it's hard to think of an existing comparison: passing off LOTR as a Game Of Thrones rip off, maybe?

Really though, no fiction, good or bad, should have much bearing on what people actually do.Particularly fiction that equates BDSM with an abusive relationship.

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RE: Post-Apocalypse BDSM - 8/2/2016 4:44:07 AM

LilJuly76

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Really though, no fiction, good or bad, should have much bearing on what people actually do.Particularly fiction that equates BDSM with an abusive relationship.

so true. that's how some get themselves into trouble, they are too fresh, they end up hooking up with abusers instead of actual lifestylers that know what they are doing

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Post #: 8

RE: Post-Apocalypse BDSM - 8/2/2016 4:48:11 AM

WhoreMods

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Indeed. Most of the how to books I've seen are very careful to stress the difference between fantasies and lifestyles, but fiction can't do that. Particularly if its author doesn't have a single clue what she's talking about...

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RE: Post-Apocalypse BDSM - 8/2/2016 6:11:03 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul
What affects, good or bad, did you start to see in the scene starting with the emergence of the initial book, and building up to the release of the sequels, and finally the movie release?

On the good side, it did bring some people who might not have been interested in BDSM before into our communities who have turned out to be serious about alternative ways to have their relationships. It was good for certain venues as far as attendance and revenues. It also became an easy reference point for people into kink when dealing with vanillas. Most vanilla folks aren't familiar with "When Someone You Love Is Kinky," but ask them if they've heard of "50 Shades of Grey," well, at least you have a starting point. In anticipation of the influx of new people, some munch groups/venues got semi-serious about issues such as orientations and things like classes on negotiation and consent.

The bad. A definite increase in our communities regarding consent violations that easily trace back to miscommunications, p*ss poor negotiation skills, and assuming fiction was education. Bad press/sensationalism, such as headlines to the tune of "50 Shades of Grey <insert criminal case here>," which is never good for any of us. Tops thinking they could be like Christian Grey, even though they didn't have topping skills, etc.

quote:

Now that the 'frenzy' is over, what lasting effects, good and/or bad, do you think the whole 50SoG phenomenon has had on the scene?

The frenzy isn't entirely over, though it's slowed quite a bit. That does make it easier on the education front because it's not so much of an influx all at once. Damage has been done in some areas because they didn't handle their problems appropriately and they are now left with a crap reputation. Others got stronger because it forced them to look at their group/event/venue policies for when issues arose. I know a few groups that went back to sponsor memberships and tougher vetting prior to attending play events. There's a lot more "what venues should I avoid" that experienced people talk about now.

quote:

Do any of you believe that things have changed enough that you are prepared to leave it behind?

Leave what behind, in particular?

quote:

Anyone like to share their funniest, stupidest, weirdest anecdotal experiences that can be attrbuted to the influence of 50SoG?

I admit to having my patience tried more than once when people would say, "that's not how they did it in 50SoG" or some other thing that showed they really believed that book was the gospel of kink. You just try to remember that they only have this bit of poorly written fiction to go on and ask them if they'd be interested in some of the educational opportunities that the local venue provides. I'll be nice and just say it like that.

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RE: Post-Apocalypse BDSM - 8/2/2016 6:13:13 AM

LilJuly76

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which could put people in a danger circumstance. Than again I'm thinking the ones that got into the 50 shades crap aren't thinking about BDSM relationships they are thinking what is the best way to get a kinky roll in the sack.

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Post #: 11

RE: Post-Apocalypse BDSM - 8/2/2016 7:52:57 AM

WhoreMods

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The best way to do that probably isn't to get yourself entrapped in a dependent relationship with an abusive asshat who's wealthy enough to think that he can do anything he wants to you, but I suppose I'm missing the nuances there.

< Message edited by WhoreMods -- 8/2/2016 7:53:29 AM >

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RE: Post-Apocalypse BDSM - 8/2/2016 8:21:59 AM

LilJuly76

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yeah a lot of people have said the book is depicting abuse and not BDSM, I haven't read the book, the reviews were enough for me not to.

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Post #: 13

RE: Post-Apocalypse BDSM - 8/2/2016 8:22:40 AM

WhoreMods

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You ain't missed much, put it that way.

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RE: Post-Apocalypse BDSM - 8/2/2016 8:25:18 AM

LilJuly76

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so I heard, don't plan to read it anyhow, looked up the movie on imdb and saw Luke Grimes in it, now every time I watch my dvd set of brothers and sisters I can't even look at his character without thinking of the 50 shades movie.

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RE: Post-Apocalypse BDSM - 8/2/2016 1:12:44 PM

kiwisub22

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I read them and enjoyed them. Don't plan to read them again, because I really wanted to tell them both to grow up and figure out who they were.

On the other hand, it was books like these that made me realize that there was another plain of existence out there with people who did what I fantasied about. With that in mind, there are probably people out there who have discovered the wealth of what BDSM is because of the books. Not a bad thing for those people. So in spite of the whole "dominant is a deprived little boy thing", and she is too wimpy for words, I think the fifty books have been overall a positive thing.

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Post #: 16

RE: Post-Apocalypse BDSM - 8/2/2016 1:45:21 PM

NookieNotes

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Just wanted to post this here:

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/340987215

Good laughs!

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Post #: 17

RE: Post-Apocalypse BDSM - 8/2/2016 2:09:37 PM

shiftyw

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It was hardly an apocalypse.

I thought this was going to be a discussion of BDSM imagery in the Mad Max movies...

I thought the community was pretty annoying about 50 shades. Newbies exist. The community seemed to get real holier than thou with these newbs.

"But shifty- people might die or get abused because of the book and how will kink look then?!"

People already get abused and die from kink- before 50 shades.

Just educate and stop whining about them to make yourself look more hardcore.

From a feminist perspective- I have issues with the book. I won't expound upon those right now though.

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Post #: 18

RE: Post-Apocalypse BDSM - 8/2/2016 2:17:55 PM

ThatDizzyChick

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quote:

The community seemed to get real holier than thou with these newbs.

I find the "community" is often that way.

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RE: Post-Apocalypse BDSM - 8/2/2016 7:20:55 PM

DesFIP

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Is it any worse than The Story of O? Another dreadful book where consent doesn't exist and women are sold like cattle. Yet lots of people say reading that is what got them started.

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