Question for female submissives about CS (Full Version)

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deadlyonear275 -> Question for female submissives about CS (8/4/2016 7:48:04 PM)

So I was trying to get a feel for how successful Dominants are on CS in finding submissive and I ran into this blog: http://daddys-doll.blogspot.com/2015/03/single-for-day-finding-daddy-on.html.

This was an interesting read. As a Dominant male on collarspace, and as a professional in real-life who deals a lot with numbers, it is pretty clear that if you are a genuine Dom seeking a submissive female, you are in for a rough ride (no pun intended).
If every submissive female out there is being inundated with tons of "spam", then it is unlikely that they will ever find you. While this is not inspiring, it makes me feel less rejected because I can sympathize with the other side. I remember reading Jay Wiseman's book long ago stating that there are far more sub's than Dom's in the lifestyle; I guess things have …well…changed.

I would prefer not to follow the herd by spamming every female in my geographic area and hope to actually get a response, that would make me part of the problem, and I also try to respect people’s time (yes I am a Dom and I respect subs, sorry if that sounds strange to some people).

I am curious what do others think about this?

I am also curious what female submissive have experienced on this site, and if any of them have actually made any progress on this site, or if they just get overwhelmed and well, leave.

Thanks in advance for your feedback.



OsideGirl -> RE: Question for female submissives about CS (8/4/2016 8:18:09 PM)

It has always been my experience that in real life male Doms outnumber female subs at least 10 to 1 in our community and that's 22 years worth of experience.

I think websites are worse.



DesFIP -> RE: Question for female submissives about CS (8/4/2016 8:58:30 PM)

Go to munches in your area and meet people in real life instead of writing every young woman who shows up in the new member list.



Spiritedsub2 -> RE: Question for female submissives about CS (8/4/2016 9:05:05 PM)

You'll probably find women's experiences here to be highly individual. I've met 4 men in person from this site and it was clear to me upon spending just a little time with them that at least 2 weren't dominant, but were just trying this approach as their other "methods" hadn't been successful. While there may be 10 times as many self-labeled dominants as submissives, I wouldn't be surprised if the numbers leveled out when you discount the wishful thinking.

I have also found that online (whether this site or all similar ones I don't know) attract a large number of astoundingly impaired people. It has greatly diminished my own interest in meeting anyone. If I "recover" from the distaste I've acquired here, I'd probably only look seriously in person, not online.

I think you're smart not to spam everyone in your area. If I were you I'd wait until you find a profile of someone who really interests you, then write to her and tell her why. Just don't send her a message that only says "hi" and don't send her any penis pictures.



ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Question for female submissives about CS (8/4/2016 9:48:22 PM)

quote:

I am curious what do others think about this?

I don't.



OsideGirl -> RE: Question for female submissives about CS (8/4/2016 9:55:18 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2



I think you're smart not to spam everyone in your area. If I were you I'd wait until you find a profile of someone who really interests you, then write to her and tell her why. Just don't send her a message that only says "hi" and don't send her any penis pictures.

And if you don't meet her criteria, don't email her. It will only irritate her and she'll be in your community.



peppermint -> RE: Question for female submissives about CS (8/4/2016 10:48:19 PM)

In the past I have met a couple Dominants through this site. They were both participants in their local communities. They opened up the doors to the kink community to me. These men did tell me that they got few responses to the messages they sent out to female submissives online. Getting a 10% rate of replies was considered very good. The notes I got from these men were about something I had written in my profile. With one man we shared a love of gardening. I have never gotten a lot of mail from Dominants. I attribute that to my age. In fact, I don't think there is anyone who participates regularly in the forums who is older than I. Being older in this circumstance means my in box is not full of messages which is a good thing. I don't have to deal with sorting it all out.

I have also met a lot, maybe a few dozen Dominants who had profiles here, but I met them at munches and events. I met Gary at an event even though we both had profiles here. Quite frankly, I never considered looking for someone from another state. If Gary had written to me here I would have said "Thanks but no thanks" as he is 10 years older than I and I was not looking for someone who lived so far away. He wowed me with his upbeat personality. We have now been together for 11 years. I quit my job to travel with him in his motor home six months after we met.

So while I think you can meet people online, the odds of meeting a special someone at an event or munch are so much greater. Online has major limitations. You really don't know someone by chatting or talking on the phone. You get to know someone by being with that person. You get to know someone by watching how he/she interacts with others, how they treat waitstaff at a restaurant, how impatient they are in a traffic jam.



peppermint -> RE: Question for female submissives about CS (8/4/2016 10:55:18 PM)

Wow, strange things happen around here. Suddenly my avatar has been changed back to one I used a long time ago. Will work on changing it tomorrow.



NookieNotes -> RE: Question for female submissives about CS (8/5/2016 2:00:17 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

It has always been my experience that in real life male Doms outnumber female subs at least 10 to 1 in our community and that's 22 years worth of experience.

I think websites are worse.


Interesting. I have found the opposite. There are always more submissives than dominants in my real life events, with a lot of generalized "wanker types" mixed in.

As far as inundations, I think that is simply the result of being female, not necessarily female and submissive.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2
While there may be 10 times as many self-labeled dominants as submissives, I wouldn't be surprised if the numbers leveled out when you discount the wishful thinking.


There is definitely this, as well.



DarkSteven -> RE: Question for female submissives about CS (8/6/2016 1:00:13 AM)

Fella, comparing websites for getting women is like asking which brand of ketchup works best like mustard.

You live in Broomfield. From my observations, there are more unattached sub women than Dom men.

Go out and meet them! There are munches in Denver, Boulder, and Longmont, among others.



LilJuly76 -> RE: Question for female submissives about CS (8/6/2016 3:59:36 AM)

oh heck people don't want to go out and meet people anymore. they assume BDSM is kinky sex so all they want to do is send messages to women online to get it.

Added: they don't actually know what BDSM is all they want is weird sex, so they figure if they look up submissives they will find it with the added bonus of being called Master, Sir, God, Lord King of Donuts whatever....



DesFIP -> RE: Question for female submissives about CS (8/6/2016 5:15:20 PM)

And that she won't care if she never gets an orgasm because of his abysmal skills. She'll be happy to just give bjs.



littleladybug -> RE: Question for female submissives about CS (8/6/2016 8:38:32 PM)

I met HM on here just about 2 years ago. As I was flipping through profiles, his pic stood out to me, and I messaged him.

*shrug* I had zero desire to "go to munches". Fortunately I met someone who felt the same way.




NookieNotes -> RE: Question for female submissives about CS (8/7/2016 3:53:20 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

I met HM on here just about 2 years ago. As I was flipping through profiles, his pic stood out to me, and I messaged him.

*shrug* I had zero desire to "go to munches". Fortunately I met someone who felt the same way.



This does happen.

There are several points being made when people say "go out and meet people."

  • You will learn more about how real people do this thing we do, that is not porn.
  • You will increase your social skills at dealing with your chosen group.
  • You will increase your personal network of friends, and therefore your possibilities.
  • You will find local people.
  • More people meet in person than online, still.

    It's not that you can't meet the right one online, never stepping foot into a much. However, for those who are wanting to increase their chances, getting out and actually meeting real people for above reasons and more is good advice.

    No one is denying anyone's experience or reality (not saying you are saying they are) by suggesting the other option.



    • LilJuly76 -> RE: Question for female submissives about CS (8/7/2016 5:22:26 AM)

    you got that right. I met up with a couple of those online. one of them got his balls punched by me. I figure the bulk of the sex crazed men that go looking for submissives aren't happy at home so they go looking for something elsewhere.



    LilJuly76 -> RE: Question for female submissives about CS (8/7/2016 5:24:46 AM)

    added another one to your list Nookie,

    munches and invents are a great way to learn about the lifestyle instead of being a porn god.



    Kaliko -> RE: Question for female submissives about CS (8/7/2016 6:21:19 AM)

    quote:

    ORIGINAL: deadlyonear275

    I am also curious what female submissive have experienced on this site, and if any of them have actually made any progress on this site, or if they just get overwhelmed and well, leave.

    Thanks in advance for your feedback.



    I met a few men from this site. I also met the man I'm now married to from this site, so there definitely are success stories. I've also been to a munch - a locally well-known and long-running one. Eh. I can live without being forced to mingle with strangers who think they're dominant because they took a rope course. I kept a good attitude about it at the time, but it wasn't for me.



    kiwisub22 -> RE: Question for female submissives about CS (8/7/2016 6:50:18 AM)

    I met my dominant on this collarme. Is that considered this site???
    When he kicked up his toes and died on me, the site wasn't there anymore, so I went to other online sites and found my sweetie. For me as a masochistic submissive female, online works.

    Like peppermint I'm older, so my potential mate group is smaller, and (dare I say it) a bit more stable and self aware. And to be clear, when I was in my 20's and 30's I would not have considered myself stable and self aware. :) Or maybe it's when you get past the whole youth ages that you just don't give a flying flip any more? Its just easier to say and be who you are. And again, for the record when I was that age, I had a bad tendency to say what I thought my partner wanted to hear, because I wanted them to be happy...... dumb, and didn't work in the long run.



    WickedsDesire -> RE: Question for female submissives about CS (8/7/2016 7:19:55 AM)

    as osidegirl said It has always been my experience that in real life male Doms outnumber female subs at least 10 to 1 in our community and that's 22 years worth of experience.

    I think websites are worse.     I agree and depending on what niche the site caters for it can be pretty abysmal for any man who is looking.

    If possible everyone should try and go to one club or munch in there lifetime- they are friendly places. But from any fetish site only 2-5% will ever attend one. And the demographics are mixed, single men and women, couples, pro, goths, swingers...think that just about covers it.

    Personally I am fairly certain you have asked this question many times.

    But realistically your singular option is to start mailing. It is highly unlikely you will ever receive a mail in a callander year, scammers aside.



    freedomdwarf1 -> RE: Question for female submissives about CS (8/7/2016 7:31:54 AM)


    quote:

    ORIGINAL: WickedsDesire
    But realistically your singular option is to start mailing. It is highly unlikely you will ever receive a mail in a callander year, scammers aside.

    We get about 1 or 2 every day and more than 50% of them are not as a response to us mailing them first.

    Perhaps you're doing something wrong??

    Having said that, we've had a lot more sucess with Alt than with CS.



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