quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

I've had past girls who thought I was an absolute bastard, for a certain attitude I had. You see,I won't punish. I don't think I should be enforcing someone keeping her word to me. And I don't feel that I should be catering to a girl atoning for HER guilt-when she childishly insists on beating herself up for screwing up.

Here's why. I won't be held responsible for someone eles's lack of emotional self control. If I cater to this nuerotic impulse, I only further reenforce it. I really hate having my time wasted by someone moping around-when there are things to be done. Get the fuck over yourself and deal with it, bitch.
And drama only encourages more.
You see,taking punishment is very catholic. There's really not a lot of consequence in avoiding the sin-if all you have to do is to pay some quick and easy penance. What I want to see happen, is work.
I can try to all the outside reenforcement in the world-and it usually won't work. The real nitty gritty and improvement comes when you force someone to take the proper personal accountability-and make them do the internal work, that corrects the attitudes and feelings that made the problems to begin wih.
Rather than slapping a bandage on the "boo boo".

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

General Reply to OP:

I think what you describe as your method of correction,  will cause an emotional "disconnect" between the 2 parties.  Its almost like there is no addressing of the problem or infraction, no communication about it, no dealing with it *together*.  Sometimes the "fuck up" is the responsibility of both parties.  And if it isnt put on the table, examined and corrected (in whatever way works for the couple) then it's bound to happen again, in my opinion.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jasmyn

I'd dunno know, I love guilt, and I love that whole God doesn't see you in bondage Catholic guilt yum yum, more please ... makes a dirty boy even dirtier ..has his own struggles going on ... I don't think I would ever tell a sub to 'get over it' if their place in my world called for me to be the one who was in control ... often punishment (in my world) isn't about a need to attone a guilt for some infraction incured ... although if that is what is needed then this one doesn't spare the rod or spoil the child ... there is a great sense of relief for a sub to get past an internalised hurt of letting their dominant down, but been available to take whatever punishment is dished out .. physical or a menial chore, or a hard ask to push a limit they'd previously feared ... it's the beauty and makes me want to be there as their dominant more ... a sense of nuturing their well being... we have the ability to allow those who feel safe and secure in our world, an opportunity to express, realise and feel attonement at our hands ...to be dismissive of their turmoil is not me ... I relish the opportunity to help someone through a guilt, real or imagined ...  telling a someone to 'get over it' is something I tell my friends when I've forgotten to put the milk back in the fridge on a hot summers afternoon ... or someone I've banished from my life for misdeeds done begging for a second chance ... I can see where you are coming from, but not for me ... I don't set up my d/s relationships to be all about you obey me or else ... the need for discipline, the need for structure, the need for guidance, the need for concern, the need for growth is what stimulates me ... and them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Recently I was at my Daddy's house and I was bleaching his countertops because they had stains on them. I was wearing one of his suit shirts because he likes me to wear them. I accidently leaned up on the counter and got bleach on a  Tommy Hilfiger shirt .  I was worried all day about this before he came home from work. He saw how badly I felt and how worried I was that I had upset him, and he said "Strumpet, it's only a shirt, I have 50 more in there, I never want you to worry about a 'thing', and it is replaceable."

Im sure there will come a time in the future that he will punish me, but if my past interactions with authority are any indications it would be a rare occurance, why? Because I have that little voice that makes me want to do the right thing, it is called a conscience.,.. when I do the wrong thing I feel guilt. I haven't had a Dom around to punish me my whole adult life, but I have needed a sign of forgiveness here and there from those that I have wronged on some level, because I am not perfect. Forgiveness sets us free, on both sides.

Your relationships are yours caretakr, Im sure you know how to run your own thing in the best possible way for you and the person in your life. Im sure there is someone out there that will suit you. It sounds like you have had a lot of weeding and kissed a lot of frogs that were not the princess of your dreams... if you are happy with the way things are for you, I certainly couldn't put it down. Good luck.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hizgeorgiapeach

I don't do the "punishment" gig.  Like Feastie - I'm an adult, and dont' feel that punishment is an adult means of handling a screw up in the midst of a personal relationship. 
 
I also have a rather Pragmatic reason for a refusal on my part to agree to letting someone dish out "punishment" when I screw up.  My relationships are relationships of equals.  They are just as human as I am - and therefore just as capable of fucking up as I am.  If they're going to set themselves up in the position that fuck ups deserve punishment, they need to be prepared to take punishment as quickly as they intend to dish it out. Obviously that sort of reasoning isn't going to work in a power dynamic - but it works quite well for me in the dynamics that I'm actually willing to take part in.
 
And for the sake of whatever deity you adhere to - don't make the mistake of thinking you're going to "punish" me for some made up crime because  you have to internally justify an SM session.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr


I pretty much recognize the frogs now, croaking out thier tiresome catholic guilt. I prefer lighter, more joyous dynamics now. One where I can trust a person not to be a time bomb, just waiting to implode at any given moment.

It's a much more peaceful way to live.[;)]

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr


I pretty much recognize the frogs now, croaking out thier tiresome catholic guilt. I prefer lighter, more joyous dynamics now. One where I can trust a person not to be a time bomb, just waiting to implode at any given moment.

It's a much more peaceful way to live.[;)]

My Daddy paid me the highest compliment I have ever received from any man the other night, he told me that my presense made him feel at peace. It touched me very deeply. I hope you find your peacemaker!

BTW, I think your former subs sound as if they were suffering from anxiety without a diagnosis perhaps? It might be more fruitful to find a sub that isn't anxious or that has dealt with her anxiety.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

What I am doing, is stopping needless suffering. I'm breaking a viscious cycle of self-abuse that also abuses ME in catering to it.

Many Dominants express how much they hate to punish a sub. So, in forcing us to give you catharsis for something that is really YOUR bad habit, you are inflicing needless suffering on one you claim to care for.

That's pretty abusive, and fucked up.