Accepting the other woman when you don't like her

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Accepting the other woman when you don't like her - 9/3/2016 6:13:16 PM

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I posted about my situation in the ask a sub forum and I sincerely appreciated the input, advice, and verbal ass kickings I received in response. I've realized it's not up to me, my Daddy made his choice to take on a new sub. But how do I make the mental switch from resistance to acceptance of this new girl? Especially when I don't really care for her as a person. She messaged me twice this week, first to get my advice about what outfit she should wear to the club next weekend when we all go together and second to check up on Daddy because "I haven't heard from him much in the past two days "

My response the first time was to give her honest feedback and tell her which outfit I thought looked best on her, then excuse myself from any further conversation politely

The second time I told her to give him time to respond back to her messages and to understand he was busy and on vacation and would get back to her when he could.

I did tell Daddy about the texts because I don't feel comfortable with her talking about him with me without him knowing.

How do I stop minding her presence or her apparent assumption she can message me about Daddy? I don't want to alienate her but I'm also not looking to be her friend.

Thanks

RE: Accepting the other woman when you don't like her - 9/3/2016 6:26:26 PM

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The best you can do is keep reminding yourself of the situation and power dynamic.

I will tell you that my response to her askign where he is would be "I'm not his keeper". It is not your job to get him to call her or to take her messages.

While yes, I would tell him that she calls you looking for him. I would only do it in passing. It's rude of her to do that since you're not in a relationship with her.

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(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: Accepting the other woman when you don't like her - 9/3/2016 6:31:48 PM

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Thank you for saying that. I was wondering if I was being oversensitive considering I haven't been handling this whole thing very maturely.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Accepting the other woman when you don't like her - 9/3/2016 6:36:27 PM

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If it were a circle relationship,my answer would be different. But, in the case of a V, the rules ge to be different. It's perfecly okay for you to tell him that you would prefer not to have contact with her with the exception of planned nights out or when he specifically requests it.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: Accepting the other woman when you don't like her - 9/3/2016 6:40:19 PM

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That would definitely take pressure off me.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Accepting the other woman when you don't like her - 9/3/2016 6:44:16 PM

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You know what's really ironic. That's how Daddy proposed we handle it to begin with but I pushed meeting with her and trying to like her, because stupid me wanted to maintain some semblance of control. He was right, I've been very very wrong to the detriment of my own mental health. I should have listened to him to begin with.

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: Accepting the other woman when you don't like her - 9/4/2016 6:35:25 AM

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I think the fact both of you are new to it (not sure of him) you don't the V kind of rules from the circle rules. You have to deal with your intense hatred of her, you're in a V so you can't really dictate. The best advice I can say, be cordial, I have to do that with someone I work with as well, but the situation is reversed, she hates me and because she doesn't know the art of getting along or being cordial, doesn't mean I have to stoop to her level, I'm still cordial back to her.

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: Accepting the other woman when you don't like her - 9/4/2016 9:08:55 AM

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He's new as well.
I asked to unfriend her on fet. I can't keep seeing her post about him.

(in reply to LilJuly76)

RE: Accepting the other woman when you don't like her - 9/4/2016 9:16:27 AM

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if you keep getting jealous, you really don't need to ask to unfriend someone, do it yourself, not that hard.

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: Accepting the other woman when you don't like her - 9/4/2016 9:39:59 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LilJuly76

if you keep getting jealous, you really don't need to ask to unfriend someone, do it yourself, not that hard.

I did. I just wanted to give him a heads up so he didn't have to ask me why, because he would have

(in reply to LilJuly76)

RE: Accepting the other woman when you don't like her - 9/4/2016 9:40:13 AM

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You will not /cannot accept her now
How are you going to learn to??..you arent.
its obvious. Well it is to me.
you have the green eye.... bad.

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<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
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(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
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(in reply to LilJuly76)

RE: Accepting the other woman when you don't like her - 9/4/2016 10:28:33 AM

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like I told the OP many times, I don't think she's made for poly, especially not the V kind, maybe it would be different if she's in a circle where she has a say in who is chosen. But when you are thinking with your cunt, just to have multiple sex partners you ain't going to be thinking too clearly if you can handle a "Dominant" being poly, the green eyed monster will win out every time.

(in reply to Lucylastic)

RE: Accepting the other woman when you don't like her - 9/4/2016 10:48:25 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

You will not /cannot accept her now
How are you going to learn to??..you arent.
its obvious. Well it is to me.
you have the green eye.... bad.

That's what many of us told her in the other thread.

Personally, with such an active green-eyed monster in her head, I think she would be far better off stepping out of the V and finding someone else where she can have a 1-on-1 type of relationship.
I really don't think she's wired for poly of any sort.

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(in reply to Lucylastic)

RE: Accepting the other woman when you don't like her - 9/4/2016 10:54:16 AM

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I said it in the other thread, but since then, its even more obvious.
She sees her as an enemy already, that wont change, its only gonna get worse.
Unless she has a deeper understanding of her problems and is willing to get over herself.
I have to wonder what the sitch would be if the other woman and her "daddy" were to see her posts.

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: Accepting the other woman when you don't like her - 9/4/2016 11:02:27 AM

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personally I think they would both walk away from her and find someone else simple as that, the other submissive I don't think wouldn't enjoy another submissive dissing on her all because of her jealousy, when it happened to me, I was taken aback and decided to leave the relationship since the other one couldn't handle it.

(in reply to Lucylastic)

RE: Accepting the other woman when you don't like her - 9/4/2016 12:37:49 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

You will not /cannot accept her now
How are you going to learn to??..you arent.
its obvious. Well it is to me.
you have the green eye.... bad.

If I don't give myself a chance to try how can I ever know? It's been less than 2 weeks. I'm not giving up on myself yet.

Nothing worth doing is ever easy.

I have never quit or not tried something just because people doubted me. I certainly won't do it now. It's too important

< Message edited by Aquanerd1983 -- 9/4/2016 12:38:51 PM >

(in reply to Lucylastic)

RE: Accepting the other woman when you don't like her - 9/4/2016 12:42:03 PM

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And y'all are so negative. I'm asking for ways to work thorough this, lol.

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: Accepting the other woman when you don't like her - 9/4/2016 12:44:38 PM

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you don't want to quit because you want him without her in the picture, which means what now??????

I'm pretty sure everyone else knows the answer

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: Accepting the other woman when you don't like her - 9/4/2016 12:46:15 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LilJuly76

you don't want to quit because you want him without her in the picture, which means what now??????

I'm pretty sure everyone else knows the answer

No, not true. I know if it's not her it'll be someone else. So I'm getting better, been talking through it with friends and myself. I want him to be happy. So I'm willing to grow from this.

(in reply to LilJuly76)

RE: Accepting the other woman when you don't like her - 9/4/2016 12:58:53 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

You will not /cannot accept her now
How are you going to learn to??..you arent.
its obvious. Well it is to me.
you have the green eye.... bad.

If I don't give myself a chance to try how can I ever know? It's been less than 2 weeks. I'm not giving up on myself yet.

Nothing worth doing is ever easy.

I have never quit or not tried something just because people doubted me. I certainly won't do it now. It's too important

your posts tell me so far, you actively dislike her and are getting into a self pity party
.

quote:

I asked to unfriend her on fet. I can't keep seeing her post about him.

I dont see you actively trying to like her from your posts this week, just the opposite in fact
If she is the one trying to be friendly? how much do you think she will try, before realising that you are the problem? WIll she back off? should she back off? should she force herself onto you?

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

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