RE: Master wants new slave help??

RE: Master wants new slave help?? (Full Version)

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LilJuly76 -> RE: Master wants new slave help?? (9/15/2016 3:37:42 AM)
lots of things should be discussed but never are: examples, etiquette and protocol poly or non poly live together, don't live together sex no sex but like I said many times the newbie Dominants and submissives just jump into a D/s relationship without finding out if they are compatible with each other and discussing each detail before hand.

OsideGirl -> RE: Master wants new slave help?? (9/15/2016 4:30:37 PM)
That I blame on bad BDSM erotica and the internet. It's the romantic fluff part that people somehow wants to have their soul laid bare, but actually discussing the contents of that soul baring relationship unnecessary. I can't tell you how many time I've heard: Suddenly becoming poly on the whim of the Dom/me S/He should know how I'm feeling without me saying anything, S/He's my Dom/me I didn't know <fill in the blank> (still married, expected me to hand over my paycheck, play with other people, be a prostitute, already had a submissive, etc)

LilJuly76 -> RE: Master wants new slave help?? (9/15/2016 4:44:26 PM)
oh me to and that's what it amounts to romantic fluff, that and kinky sex. they should try being a real BDSM slave, there are slave duties out there that I done in D/s relationships that they wouldn't touch.

ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Master wants new slave help?? (9/15/2016 5:53:45 PM)
quote: they should try being a real BDSM slave As defined by who? You?

Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: Master wants new slave help?? (9/15/2016 6:14:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LilJuly76 oh me to and that's what it amounts to romantic fluff, that and kinky sex. they should try being a real BDSM slave, there are slave duties out there that I done in D/s relationships that they wouldn't touch. You seen awfully prideful in your definitions of what is and isn't bdsm. It's a bit obnoxious.

DesFIP -> RE: Master wants new slave help?? (9/15/2016 7:16:41 PM)
I'm curious as to what these horrible slave duties are. Cleaning out the car makes my least favorite list. As far as the op, only you can decide if you're wired monogamous or poly. I'm monogamous and I made it clear that if he needed two subs, then neither of them would be me. My motto is that if an activity is likely to break up the relationship, then it's far better to break up before experiencing the hated activity. Far less traumatic this way.

LilJuly76 -> RE: Master wants new slave help?? (9/16/2016 4:51:54 AM)
for me it's vacuuming, that and serving a group of Dominants supper at a protocol dinner. But I'm doable as long as it doesn't involve anything to do with my hard limit list.

LadyPact -> RE: Master wants new slave help?? (9/16/2016 8:18:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl Let me ask you....when you started this relationship did he tell you that he wanted to be poly? Ding, ding, ding, ding! We have a winner. It's been amazing to me how many threads we've had recently from poly people, or people who are completely aware that the person they are involved with is poly, get the heebee jeebees because the poly person actual goes out and dates other people. Here's the part I don't agree with. (Granted, I didn't read the OP's profile before she hid it or deleted it.) quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl But, judging from the OP's post - even if she says yes, it isn't going to work because there seems to be a whole lotta miscommunication and resentment going on. Where's the miscommunication? What I see is a female s-type who is already jumping the gun that she is afraid the new girl is going to get the limited time that the master has to give. It's classic fear of what might happen, rather than basing in on what is really happening. In fact, hasn't even happened yet, according to the post.

OsideGirl -> RE: Master wants new slave help?? (9/16/2016 8:58:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Where's the miscommunication? What I see is a female s-type who is already jumping the gun that she is afraid the new girl is going to get the limited time that the master has to give. It's classic fear of what might happen, rather than basing in on what is really happening. In fact, hasn't even happened yet, according to the post. She should be talking to him about her fears, not us. Her profile indicates that she's all in, but her post here says something different. She's not giving him the information that he would need to make a decision.

WickedsDesire -> RE: Master wants new slave help?? (9/16/2016 9:53:23 AM)
I myself require a slave to clear out under my bed of errant kitty tributes Ms Karma, the scallywag, had two live birds and one deceased one under it about a month ago. Where was I? Ah, I don't suppose he would consider a cat. So he barely sees you and wants to add another. Have you tired explaining the concept of time to this fellow? And why does he have so little time for you. I am not sure whom I blame. I usually blame the cheating married men. For reasons that escape me it tends to be the cited norm these days. Creature of wretch requires a bevy of screaming nymphomaniacs, and whom amongst us doesn't think about that from time to time. You don't have enough information for me to give you my best answer. I have no idea what type of a relationship both of you are in or what you think you are in Well he use you to reinforce his credentials and for you to entice another women in I wonder. More than 2 almost never work few people are designed for them.

LilJuly76 -> RE: Master wants new slave help?? (9/16/2016 10:20:26 AM)
I think we should make that the mantra of the board, talk to him not us about your feelings seems to me a bunch of us have been saying that a lot to people that say they are poly.

Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: Master wants new slave help?? (9/16/2016 11:15:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LilJuly76 I think we should make that the mantra of the board, talk to him not us about your feelings seems to me a bunch of us have been saying that a lot to people that say they are poly. Yas!! Had a talk with my Daddy today about our poly situation. It wasn't fun, but I wrote down what I wanted to say, listened to him, and I feel we came to a good conclusion. I think people are afraid of the negative emotions that uncomfortable talks bring, but it's nothing compared to the misery that eats away at you if you don't talk and keep it to yourself. Edit:typos!

LilJuly76 -> RE: Master wants new slave help?? (9/16/2016 11:19:08 AM)
it doesn't matter if it's a D/s or M/s relationship, in any sort of BDSM relationship communication is the key. It's sorely lacking in a lot of vanilla relationships as well.

Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: Master wants new slave help?? (9/16/2016 11:27:34 AM)
Absolutely!

OsideGirl -> RE: Master wants new slave help?? (9/16/2016 11:33:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl I think people are afraid of the negative emotions that uncomfortable talks bring, but it's nothing compared to the misery that eats away at you if you don't talk and keep it to yourself. It's that and more. People are afraid of losing the relationship, even if the situation is toxic. And for some, it's the idea that if they say no, then they're not really submissive.

LadyPact -> RE: Master wants new slave help?? (9/16/2016 12:20:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl She should be talking to him about her fears, not us. Her profile indicates that she's all in, but her post here says something different. She's not giving him the information that he would need to make a decision. I agree with the first sentence. Unfortunately, I did not have the opportunity to see the OP's profile to make a better determination. However, if it's in her profile at all, something brought that to be. Unless he's got her password and changed her profile without her knowledge, some course of preliminary events got it in there. He was poly to begin with, it was a case of "that sounds hot, let's do it," in his authority he made the decision to add a person to his life... Whatever it was, if there was a miscommunication going on, it sounds like it would have been on her end, rather than his.

OsideGirl -> RE: Master wants new slave help?? (9/16/2016 12:24:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl She should be talking to him about her fears, not us. Her profile indicates that she's all in, but her post here says something different. She's not giving him the information that he would need to make a decision. I agree with the first sentence. Unfortunately, I did not have the opportunity to see the OP's profile to make a better determination. However, if it's in her profile at all, something brought that to be. Unless he's got her password and changed her profile without her knowledge, some course of preliminary events got it in there. He was poly to begin with, it was a case of "that sounds hot, let's do it," in his authority he made the decision to add a person to his life... Whatever it was, if there was a miscommunication going on, it sounds like it would have been on her end, rather than his. I agree. At this point, she's the responsible party.

Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: Master wants new slave help?? (9/16/2016 12:57:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl I think people are afraid of the negative emotions that uncomfortable talks bring, but it's nothing compared to the misery that eats away at you if you don't talk and keep it to yourself. It's that and more. People are afraid of losing the relationship, even if the situation is toxic. And for some, it's the idea that if they say no, then they're not really submissive. I can understand that. I felt some of that today I could see Daddy getting upset and his body language was very closed off as I was talking with him. But I made sure my posture was relaxed and submissive, I even got lower than him and kept my eyes lowered as I spoke to show him I wasn't trying to control him or manipulate the situation, just come to him with honesty and a heartfelt request. I believe my consciousness of non verbal cues and communication helped the conversation go as well as it could and still maintained my submissive place in the process. In the end words mean little without actions to back them up. He's feeling unsure because of my request but I will show him with my actions he had nothing to worry about.

LadyPact -> RE: Master wants new slave help?? (9/16/2016 1:53:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl I can understand that. I felt some of that today I could see Daddy getting upset and his body language was very closed off as I was talking with him. But I made sure my posture was relaxed and submissive, I even got lower than him and kept my eyes lowered as I spoke to show him I wasn't trying to control him or manipulate the situation, just come to him with honesty and a heartfelt request. I believe my consciousness of non verbal cues and communication helped the conversation go as well as it could and still maintained my submissive place in the process. In the end words mean little without actions to back them up. He's feeling unsure because of my request but I will show him with my actions he had nothing to worry about. Here's where I see my view as being different as some others on the board. First shot, I'll give you free. You might even get the second. If it's the third or more conversation that we've had to have because you're jealous, scared, want to attempt to control whether I see additional people or not, or any of the other stuff, I'm probably getting annoyed. This puts me in a bad position because I don't really want to say that I don't want to hear your concerns, but if I have to hear what is basically the same concern over, and over, and over, and over... I'm not going to put up with the incessant whining forever. You chose to be in a relationship with a poly person. If you can not handle that choice, I'll be more than happy to remind you of where the door is, and it works just as well for you to walk out of it the same way you came in. Should you choose to stay, that's great, but it will be with the acceptance that I am poly and that is not going to change. You also won't really get input on: Who else I date. What I do with them. Where we go. Pissing contests about how I spend more time with them rather than you. Etc, etc, etc.

Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: Master wants new slave help?? (9/16/2016 2:00:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl I can understand that. I felt some of that today I could see Daddy getting upset and his body language was very closed off as I was talking with him. But I made sure my posture was relaxed and submissive, I even got lower than him and kept my eyes lowered as I spoke to show him I wasn't trying to control him or manipulate the situation, just come to him with honesty and a heartfelt request. I believe my consciousness of non verbal cues and communication helped the conversation go as well as it could and still maintained my submissive place in the process. In the end words mean little without actions to back them up. He's feeling unsure because of my request but I will show him with my actions he had nothing to worry about. Here's where I see my view as being different as some others on the board. First shot, I'll give you free. You might even get the second. If it's the third or more conversation that we've had to have because you're jealous, scared, want to attempt to control whether I see additional people or not, or any of the other stuff, I'm probably getting annoyed. This puts me in a bad position because I don't really want to say that I don't want to hear your concerns, but if I have to hear what is basically the same concern over, and over, and over, and over... I'm not going to put up with the incessant whining forever. You chose to be in a relationship with a poly person. If you can not handle that choice, I'll be more than happy to remind you of where the door is, and it works just as well for you to walk out of it the same way you came in. Should you choose to stay, that's great, but it will be with the acceptance that I am poly and that is not going to change. You also won't really get input on: Who else I date. What I do with them. Where we go. Pissing contests about how I spend more time with them rather than you. Etc, etc, etc. Agreed. That's not what we discussed. I made sure I did not bring any of that up and apologized for any of the times I did. I asked for a break. That's it. A couple weeks to focus on just myself and to give him space to focus on his other girl without worrying about if I was getting enough attention. I think by the end of the convo we both felt better. It was productive.

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