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I am a submissive - 9/21/2016 10:30:04 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

I just realized that I am a submissive. I just had this conversation with my cat:

Alley: Meow. Meeeeowwww. Meow!

Me: Your fucking bowl is full you furry shitbag.

Alley: Meoooweeee!

Me: You see the bottom of your bowl and I am abusive because I do not feed you?

Alley: Meeeeeeeeowey.

Me: (Trying to use logic) Your bowl is metal. If I move one piece of food you cannot see the bottom of your bowl. Which means that your bowl is mostly full. Fuck off.

Alley: (She is laying down and winking at me... and looking sad) ****silence****

Me: Listen you cunt, you have food. I took you from starving to a well attended critter. You should be thankful.

Alley: Meooooooooooooooooowwww????

Me: Awww, fuck you.

Alley: Purrrrrrrbt?

Me: (I give her more) OK, OK, OK, OK, fine.... you want food, you have the fucking food but you want to not see the bottom of your bowl. Fuck you you little shit. You mindless hairy cunt.

Alley: Purrrrrbt?

Me: Bitch please.

Alley: Meow?

Me: I give the fuck up. ( I fill the bowl.)

Alley: PurrrrrbbbbbttttMeowlf!!!!

Me: You're an asshole.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

RE: I am a submissive - 9/21/2016 10:32:39 PM

Posts: 2849
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline

So far, I understand what you're saying there Gauge but I just don't understand the problem ( snigger, snigger, snigger !!)

(in reply to Gauge)

RE: I am a submissive - 9/21/2016 10:36:02 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dvr22999874

So far, I understand what you're saying there Gauge but I just don't understand the problem ( snigger, snigger, snigger !!)

You're a cat... aren't you?

You are not Hans at all.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Dvr22999874)

RE: I am a submissive - 9/21/2016 10:38:08 PM

Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline

I am sorry that you have come under the control of the evil alien species that has invaded your planet.

I have proof they are indeed alien.

Look at the domestic cat's eyes, and the slit pupils.

Now, look at a large predatory cat, rounded pupils.

Two entirely different eye structures, indicating that the house cat did not come from the large predatory cats.

The parent species is actually native to the Kzinti homeworld. We have repeatedly tried to warn you of the impending full scale invasion, using various members of the science fiction writing community to no avail.

So, when the Kzinti invade, prepare to become a lower member of the food chain.

It is unfortunate that we of the Illuminati cannot act to prevent this, since we feel that defending a species that is destined to be slaves is rather unrewarding.

Of course, should humans defeat the Kzinti warriors, we might elevate your future status from slaves to cannon fodder.

My species could never consider your race equals due to the mistreatment of our distant genetic cousins, creatures your kind refer to as wolves.

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

(in reply to Gauge)

RE: I am a submissive - 9/21/2016 10:39:56 PM

Posts: 2849
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline

Cats have paws.............they don't have hans

(in reply to Gauge)

RE: I am a submissive - 9/21/2016 10:51:25 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

I am sorry that you have come under the control of the evil alien species that has invaded your planet.

I have proof they are indeed alien.

Look at the domestic cat's eyes, and the slit pupils.

Now, look at a large predatory cat, rounded pupils.

Two entirely different eye structures, indicating that the house cat did not come from the large predatory cats.

The parent species is actually native to the Kzinti homeworld. We have repeatedly tried to warn you of the impending full scale invasion, using various members of the science fiction writing community to no avail.

So, when the Kzinti invade, prepare to become a lower member of the food chain.

It is unfortunate that we of the Illuminati cannot act to prevent this, since we feel that defending a species that is destined to be slaves is rather unrewarding.

Of course, should humans defeat the Kzinti warriors, we might elevate your future status from slaves to cannon fodder.

My species could never consider your race equals due to the mistreatment of our distant genetic cousins, creatures your kind refer to as wolves.

Alley here, look you, we know where you live, and sleep. Therefore we will weed you out, and those like you that see through our guise as small, cute, even, adorable creatures. We took over your internet, we even have our own line of clothing. Your race is over. I just killed Gauge. HA!!!

I say again... HA! To all beings, I am an innocent, cute, cuddly, feline. To law enforcement, I am the same thing.

I am coming for you. Me and that fucking dancing banana.

(scuffle)

Gau....

(scuffle)

Ga***...##

(lots of what appears to be bludgeoning going on)

Ahem...

Gauge here... disregard my cat. She had low blood sugar.

I'm fine. (beating sounds going on... screams and meows included)

No, reall.... (more beating and meowing)

Resistance is futile. We will assimilate you, if you haz food.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to jlf1961)

RE: I am a submissive - 9/21/2016 10:54:35 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dvr22999874

Cats have paws.............they don't have hans

Bitch, I have opposable... wait... no... hold on.... new information coming in...

Hans is an asshole. He is not a clock, he is a cock... a dick if I may and a bad one at that.

(scuffle and loud breaking sounds...)

Ahem...

HANS!!!!

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Dvr22999874)

RE: I am a submissive - 9/21/2016 11:01:44 PM

Posts: 2849
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline

More clocks and more wells is/are the answer.......................what was the question again ?

(in reply to Gauge)

RE: I am a submissive - 9/21/2016 11:05:46 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dvr22999874

More clocks and more wells is/are the answer.......................what was the question again ?

Alley here... Oh you are cute.

Let me ask you something smart guy... when I am wearing your skin as a prize, shall I shit or piss on you to prove that your hands are Hans?!

HAAAAAAANNNNNNNNSSSSS!!!!!

Your opposable thumbs do fuckall for me. Your internal organs though do hold some interest.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Dvr22999874)

RE: I am a submissive - 9/21/2016 11:09:56 PM

Posts: 2849
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline

Me ? Internal organs ? A (now deceased) bloke in Africa once told me I had no guts, so you'll go hungry looking for mine

(in reply to Gauge)

RE: I am a submissive - 9/21/2016 11:13:45 PM

Posts: 2849
Joined: 9/11/2008
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and clocks don't play organs. they have chimes and HANDS

(in reply to Dvr22999874)

RE: I am a submissive - 9/21/2016 11:17:29 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dvr22999874

Me ? Internal organs ? A (now deceased) bloke in Africa once told me I had no guts, so you'll go hungry looking for mine

All...

(scuffle and terrible rending of flesh and bone sounds)

Alley here...

(scuffle)

Gau...

(scuffle... unimaginable sounds that you could not imagine even if you were the most adept imaginer that has ever imagined shit...)

Hi.

Which only proves you do, in fact, have internal organs. I wish to dine.

(scuffle)

Gaug....

(scuffle)

(clearly) GODDAMMIT!!!!!

(not so clearly but yet perceptively audible...)

Purrrrrbbbbbttttt meowllllllpht?

Anyway, where were we?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Dvr22999874)

RE: I am a submissive - 9/22/2016 4:59:16 AM

Posts: 652
Joined: 8/31/2016
Status: offline

If you carry on like that, scaring the cat and other readers, you will finish up like Jlf1961 prophesised. . as cannon fodder, . so please be careful. The RSPCA may also be watching. Beware !

(in reply to Gauge)

RE: I am a submissive - 9/22/2016 8:15:20 AM

Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
Alley: Meow. Meeeeowwww. Meow!
Me: Your fucking bowl is full you furry shitbag.

I'm now 89% sure you are, in fact, my cousin Nathan. Hello Nathan.
lol

(in reply to Gauge)

RE: I am a submissive - 9/22/2016 10:14:22 AM

Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline

FR

Fascinating book on human submission to felines:

https://smile.amazon.com/Lion-Living-Room-House-Tamed/dp/1476738238/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1474564382&sr=8-1&keywords=the+lion+in+the+living+room

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to Alecta)

RE: I am a submissive - 9/22/2016 4:02:10 PM

Posts: 1035
Joined: 1/9/2008
Status: offline

Hey it's always the ones who protest the loudest.

The cat's got you licked. You are a sub, after all. You only claim Dom status as an elaborate cover up.

All hail the small furry animal with the superior psychological knowledge and social skills. They're not lying in wait to take over the world - they already did. That's why as a sub I don't let them in the house. I can only be trusted with a dog.

(in reply to Gauge)

RE: I am a submissive - 9/22/2016 4:05:11 PM

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to longwayhome)

RE: I am a submissive - 9/22/2016 8:58:35 PM

Posts: 652
Joined: 8/31/2016
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Weren't they also worshipped for making pretty good tennis racquets ? ?

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: I am a submissive - 9/22/2016 9:08:27 PM

Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tangelo

Weren't they also worshipped for making pretty good tennis racquets ? ?

A material used for surgical sutures, for the strings of violins and related instruments, and for the strings of tennis rackets and archery bows, catgut (also called gut) is made from the intestines of animals, particularly sheep.

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

(in reply to Tangelo)

RE: I am a submissive - 9/22/2016 9:31:51 PM

Posts: 652
Joined: 8/31/2016
Status: offline

I thought cats WERE animals ? ?

(in reply to jlf1961)

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