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RE: Breaking up with partner - 9/26/2016 11:22:52 AM

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oh dear
yanno, I get fuck buddies.
I had em, before I was married...but I never went back to one. theres a reason hes bad for you, but seriously, its like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.

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(•_•)
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(in reply to Greatlilbabygirl)

RE: Breaking up with partner - 9/26/2016 11:25:40 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

oh dear
yanno, I get fuck buddies.
I had em, before I was married...but I never went back to one. theres a reason hes bad for you, but seriously, its like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.

It appears from her PoV that both ends are squeaky clean!

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“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to Lucylastic)

RE: Breaking up with partner - 9/26/2016 11:34:04 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: LilJuly76

reading the responses this morning OP I have come to the conclusion you are mixing up BDSM and Poly, you don't need to be poly to be BDSM nor you don't need to be into BDSM to be poly.

watch big love, perfect example. even reality tv shows depicting poly.

it's confusing to me that your husband is not making you happy so you stay married to him and find other sexual partners and not only that search out a poly Dominant to make you happy as well.

I've come to the conclusion you have trouble with reading comprehension.

Seriously?

Let's see if I have this right.

You have a husband, who likes to bottom, but neither you nor he think it's BDSM.

You're not inclined to Top him and think he's incapable of Topping you.

You going off with someone else hurts his feelings, but you do it anyway. (Sound familiar?)

You play with someone that Tops you, that isn't your primary relationship and you try to control his other relationship. (While it's okay to have feelings about what is going on, you don't get to dictate how he operates that relationship)

You break up with said Top, because he didn't conduct his other relationship the way you wanted him to.

BTW, this comment says a lot about the attitude:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl

Fine. He made his choice, she's leaving to move 8 hrs away on Friday. So now he'll have neither of us. End of story. Why ask me if it didn't matter how I felt

Then you decide to focus on your husband like he's a consolation prize.

<insert insult to Lil because she pointed out exactly what you've said about your husband and your misconception about Poly and BDSM>

Then after dumping said Top, you expect him to be available on your schedule to make unnecessary contact.

Then you decide that you're going to be fuck buddies with the dumped Top.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl

I don't play games, I didn't think he did either. I misjudged him and we obviously aren't compatible

At this point, you're the Queen of games.

You clearly have everything about relationships figured out, so why bother asking for advice?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Greatlilbabygirl)

RE: Breaking up with partner - 9/26/2016 11:38:06 AM

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If you think being just a fuck buddy is going to cure the jealousy issues or your need to control, I've got beachfront property in Arizona that I'd love to sell you at a great price.

< Message edited by Danemora -- 9/26/2016 11:39:34 AM >

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(in reply to Greatlilbabygirl)

RE: Breaking up with partner - 9/26/2016 11:43:05 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
At this point, you're the Queen of games.

You clearly have everything about relationships figured out, so why bother asking for advice?

yup

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to Danemora)

RE: Breaking up with partner - 9/26/2016 12:06:12 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl
I don't see why fuck buddies is bad. He's ok with it. He didn't need me being possessive and jealous but still wants to see me. It's a good compromise for us both.

3 ways this plays out:

1. He's actually ok with this, which means, actually, he's not a Dominant (unlike the other silly things you thought convinced you he's not Dominant, this one here that you didn't catch, that's the actual flag), he just enjoys screwing multiple kinky women and not putting up with their drama and BS.

2. He's not actually ok with this, he's just agreeing to it so that he'll have the opportunity to trap you and break you down, as long as you have contact with him he has all the time he needs to twist your head around, break you of the backtalk and turn you into his little slave bitch (did that make you wet though?)

3. He lied to avoid drama. You won't be seeing him again.

(in reply to Greatlilbabygirl)

RE: Breaking up with partner - 9/26/2016 12:11:19 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl
Relationships are supposed to adjust as need and expectations change. I see this as a positive.

Edit: and so does he. This gives him the chance to find his primary without my jealousy being an issue and we can still have eachother in our lives. I think this was a mature decision.

First, wasn't offended. Just wires crossed.

Second, I don''t know who you (and he) think you're kidding. I'm the first person to say that topping/bottoming doesn't necessarily mean there's an emotional attachment. Heck, even having a dynamic with someone doesn't automatically mean there's an emotional attachment.

However, if you're going into this idea of "just playing" when you already know you have an emotional attachment going in, I find it highly unlikely that anything is going to change. You're still going to be jealous, possessive, and (no offense) kind of neurotic. All you did was remove the kink title/label away. (Meaning, you are saying you are not his sub anymore.)

I'm going by what you have said on all of the threads that you've written. You say you have a sincere emotional attachment to this person. That part, I believe.

What I don't believe is that you think that emotional attachment isn't going to be brought to the forefront once the endorphins start flying during play.

In my opinion, you are setting yourself up for something really stupid. Truthfully, you don't need to do so. You've already written on other threads that you have other casual kink ~ S/m partners to get the *physical* wants satisfied. Play with those folks instead, rather than set yourself up for the powder keg. Until such time as you see the person the exact same way as any other top, with no greater (or less) emotion as you would any other play partner, that's not the person you should be playing with.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Greatlilbabygirl)

RE: Breaking up with partner - 9/26/2016 1:40:48 PM

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have to agree with freedomdwarf and Alecta's post today.

thankfully OsideGirl also noticed you insult me OP when I pointed something out.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Breaking up with partner - 9/26/2016 1:54:08 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl
Relationships are supposed to adjust as need and expectations change. I see this as a positive.

Edit: and so does he. This gives him the chance to find his primary without my jealousy being an issue and we can still have eachother in our lives. I think this was a mature decision.

....Until such time as you see the person the exact same way as any other top, with no greater (or less) emotion as you would any other play partner, that's not the person you should be playing with.

Spot on LP!!
Isn't this precisely what a number of us have been saying throughout all the various threads she's been wailing on??

I don't think this is a particularly 'mature' decision at all.
It's a toxic disaster waiting to unfold.... badly.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Breaking up with partner - 9/26/2016 2:02:53 PM

Greatlilbabygirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LilJuly76

have to agree with freedomdwarf and Alecta's post today.

thankfully OsideGirl also noticed you insult me OP when I pointed something out.

I "insulted" you because you were wrong. I know that bdsm and poly aren't the same and don't have to exist simultaneously. You misread a lot of things I post.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: Breaking up with partner - 9/26/2016 2:05:36 PM

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Joined: 1/9/2016
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insults are childish, if you can't have a grown up discussion than well.......

(in reply to Greatlilbabygirl)

RE: Breaking up with partner - 9/26/2016 2:07:22 PM

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maybe she got too attached hence the overplay of emotion which of course leads to toxic behaviors within in a relationship poly or not.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: Breaking up with partner - 9/26/2016 2:11:57 PM

Greatlilbabygirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LilJuly76

maybe she got too attached hence the overplay of emotion which of course leads to toxic behaviors within in a relationship poly or not.

Yes, that's precisely what happened and it was really magnified by seeing him romantically with someone else. I recognized it and was upfrount with him about it and we readjusted. I see this as a win win.

(in reply to LilJuly76)

RE: Breaking up with partner - 9/26/2016 2:19:37 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: LilJuly76

maybe she got too attached hence the overplay of emotion which of course leads to toxic behaviors within in a relationship poly or not.

Yes, that's precisely what happened and it was really magnified by seeing him romantically with someone else. I recognized it and was upfrount with him about it and we readjusted. I see this as a win win.

It's not a win-win at all if you intend on seeing your daddy.
Try re-reading LP's post#87.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to Greatlilbabygirl)

RE: Breaking up with partner - 9/26/2016 2:21:19 PM

Greatlilbabygirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: LilJuly76

maybe she got too attached hence the overplay of emotion which of course leads to toxic behaviors within in a relationship poly or not.

Yes, that's precisely what happened and it was really magnified by seeing him romantically with someone else. I recognized it and was upfrount with him about it and we readjusted. I see this as a win win.

It's not a win-win at all if you intend on seeing your daddy.
Try re-reading LP's post#87.

He's not my Daddy anymore
Hopefully he'll find his primary soon and be happy.

He wins because he will still see me but not have to be confronted by my possessiveness anymore and I win because of can still see him without concern over who he's with when I'm not there. Titles mean a lot to me. Being his sub and babygirl put a level of commitment and importance on my relationship with him that it shouldn't have and that was entirely my fault. Without the title I'm already more at ease. It may not make sense to anyone else, but it's what makes sense to me.

< Message edited by Greatlilbabygirl -- 9/26/2016 2:23:17 PM >

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: Breaking up with partner - 9/26/2016 2:26:51 PM

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Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

It's not a win-win at all if you intend on seeing your daddy.
Try re-reading LP's post#87.

Oh, come on FD - what would be the drama in that?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: Breaking up with partner - 9/26/2016 2:30:42 PM

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Joined: 10/23/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl

He wins because he will still see me but not have to be confronted by my possessiveness anymore and I win because of can still see him without concern over who he's with when I'm not there. Titles mean a lot to me. Being his sub and babygirl put a level of commitment and importance on my relationship with him that it shouldn't have and that was entirely my fault. Without the title I'm already more at ease. It may not make sense to anyone else, but it's what makes sense to me.

So... despite all the advice, you are STILL hell-bent on seeing him.
And even more excuses as to why you should.

You are soo self-centred and up your own ass that you are oblivious to the problems we are telling you.
Just by seeing him will re-awaken all your past desires and influence.
And don't say it won't because we all know it will (except you of course - you can't see it).
Seen it happen hundreds of times in real life as well as on here.
Sooo naive.... and stubborn.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to Greatlilbabygirl)

RE: Breaking up with partner - 9/26/2016 2:32:17 PM

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Joined: 10/23/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

It's not a win-win at all if you intend on seeing your daddy.
Try re-reading LP's post#87.

Oh, come on FD - what would be the drama in that?

Soz OG. I forgot about that! lol.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Breaking up with partner - 9/26/2016 2:42:01 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1
Spot on LP!!
Isn't this precisely what a number of us have been saying throughout all the various threads she's been wailing on??

I don't think this is a particularly 'mature' decision at all.
It's a toxic disaster waiting to unfold.... badly.

On this particular occasion, I hadn't seen the prior 4-5 posts above mine when I was typing.

I know that you are aware of this, FD, but the OP is probably not. When I answer threads, I try to put myself in the position of the poster and/or the person they are posting about.

There are former subs of mine that I could play with and everything would be fine. I mentioned two of them on another thread yesterday, and I'd probably say the same thing about my (former) pet. Even though it's two years later, if (the former) tk showed up at my door, as much as I'd WANT to play with him (I'd probably give him the best night we EVER had, which is saying A LOT) deep down, I know it would be bad for me, and I have an exceptionally strong suspicion that it would be bad for him as well. Precisely because the emotional attachment still exists.

I'm calling this one now. If those two try to do 'casual' play together *without* enough time off for the emotions to get in check... I'm going to give it one month. Maybe two. Somebody is going to be crying in their Cheerio's. When it happens, there's going to be about twelve people who are going to be willing to say "I told you so".

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: Breaking up with partner - 9/26/2016 2:51:30 PM

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you got it LP

(in reply to LadyPact)

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