The order of things in online conversations as I see them. (Full Version)

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Bayudness -> The order of things in online conversations as I see them. (9/26/2016 1:01:08 AM)


First understand the the Sub has ALL of the power INITIALLY, they give the Go/Nogo.

Initial mssg= HI I liked your profile and this is why( prove you read the GD profile).Then ASK them to chat or respond if they so choose.( You are not THEIR Dom dont act like it).

Response given and CONVERSATION between 2 adults ensues for indeterminate period of time until both parties are comfortable with exchanging maybe phone number or any other SAFE means of more personal contact. (You are still NOT their Dom dont act like it unless that has been discussed and agreed upon)

They meet at a SAFE place. Coffee shops, libraries, Cafe's ,Any public place that allows for decent conversation. This place should allow for you to cut it short if its uncomfortable or extend it if things are going well. I like lunch/coffee type things.

At this point there are allot of direction this can go depending on way to many things so I will not elaborate farther.

In my opinion this order is Ideal for everyone ( there may be slight tweeks here and there but in general)

Responses to this and tweeks, ideas, AND criticisms welcome.



DarkSteven -> RE: The order of things in online conversations as I see them. (9/26/2016 2:39:42 AM)

1. I dunno where "the sun has all the power" originated. It's ridiculous. The Dom can stop things at any point as well.

2. My first messages are designed to begin an enjoyable conversation, so I wouldn't waste time saying that I'd read the profile. Some of my beginning messages have been things like

"I noticed that you have a lot of hummingbirds in your pictures. Does the hummingbird have any special significance for you?"

"Your profile says that you sing for a band. I'd love it if you posted some pics of you singing."

"Get on your knees and worship me. Oh, wait, that's what your profile said NOT to say. Geez, being a Dom is so hard and complicated..."

3. I never ask for chat or a response. I simply start a conversation. If I close with a question, it's her call whether to respond.

4. I'd advise adding something about not commenting on looks. Women get a lot of empty comments on their looks. Compliment them on their writing ability, comment on their taste in books, etc. When I've commented on looks, it's been things like high cheekbones.

5. If they have a tattoo, that's an obvious topic of conversation. What does it mean to them?

6. No need to press for a meeting. I have lots of friends who are only online. Also, I prefer to meet at munches and parties. I contact quite a few people and strike up a chat about the local spanking club and invite them.





Bayudness -> RE: The order of things in online conversations as I see them. (9/26/2016 2:51:24 AM)

All very good points.Thank you

The intent of my post wasnt a "how to" but more generic "Dont rush" and "Dont make people feel uncomfortable" sort of thing.

Also i think they should have at least actually looked at and read most of the profile to even be sending a mssg, you equated to this as well.



LilJuly76 -> RE: The order of things in online conversations as I see them. (9/26/2016 3:00:01 AM)

I must say I do like the fact you point out that the Dominant shouldn't act like their Dominant right off the bat, I get so many messages mostly from men and a couple from women addressing me as slave, sub, cunt, slut, whore etc I laugh in their face (online of course).



Bayudness -> RE: The order of things in online conversations as I see them. (9/26/2016 3:32:52 AM)

I think some think its gives them some sort of edge or something by DOMINATING immediately. when in reality it makes them look like a nooby twerp trying to act big. Or maybe they are just trying to make themselves feel big I guess.

Either way I doubt they find any success with it.



LilJuly76 -> RE: The order of things in online conversations as I see them. (9/26/2016 4:30:15 AM)

or they think that's how it's done. That's number one for me in how to point out newbies from the old school, old school won't contact submissives like that, newbies, well tonnes of wrong information on netland, they read kink sites and bam, ok this is what I'm going to do.



Bayudness -> RE: The order of things in online conversations as I see them. (9/26/2016 9:55:53 AM)

LOL google become a dom in 5 min, and they think they are all ready.



TNDommeK -> RE: The order of things in online conversations as I see them. (9/26/2016 10:59:01 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

1. I dunno where "the sun has all the power" originated. It's ridiculous. The Dom can stop things at any point as well.

2. My first messages are designed to begin an enjoyable conversation, so I wouldn't waste time saying that I'd read the profile. Some of my beginning messages have been things like

"I noticed that you have a lot of hummingbirds in your pictures. Does the hummingbird have any special significance for you?"

"Your profile says that you sing for a band. I'd love it if you posted some pics of you singing."

"Get on your knees and worship me. Oh, wait, that's what your profile said NOT to say. Geez, being a Dom is so hard and complicated..."

3. I never ask for chat or a response. I simply start a conversation. If I close with a question, it's her call whether to respond.

4. I'd advise adding something about not commenting on looks. Women get a lot of empty comments on their looks. Compliment them on their writing ability, comment on their taste in books, etc. When I've commented on looks, it's been things like high cheekbones.

5. If they have a tattoo, that's an obvious topic of conversation. What does it mean to them?

6. No need to press for a meeting. I have lots of friends who are only online. Also, I prefer to meet at munches and parties. I contact quite a few people and strike up a chat about the local spanking club and invite them.





For me, that hummingbird comment would have been a perfect opener. It let's me know he actually paid attention to my profile, other than just my sexy parts. Aaaaand I fucking live humming birds so I would have been giddy as hell just a talkin!



Alecta -> RE: The order of things in online conversations as I see them. (9/26/2016 11:55:23 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Bayudness
First understand the the Sub has ALL of the power INITIALLY, they give the Go/Nogo.


Hm, no. Really. You mean "the person you're trying to contact", doesn't matter which end of what spectrum they're on.

quote:

Initial mssg= HI I liked your profile and this is why( prove you read the GD profile).Then ASK them to chat or respond if they so choose.( You are not THEIR Dom dont act like it).
Response given and CONVERSATION between 2 adults ensues for indeterminate period of time until both parties are comfortable with exchanging maybe phone number or any other SAFE means of more personal contact. (You are still NOT their Dom dont act like it unless that has been discussed and agreed upon)


(come on, how else would you tell them you're boss?)
I will agree to enforce this on other D-types when the s-side collectively stop doing their equivalent of it to the D-types.

I also have some staunch thoughts on NOT teaching certain types what they're doing wrong, so they're easier to identify.



Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: The order of things in online conversations as I see them. (9/26/2016 12:29:23 PM)

Also don't call someone a racist just because I said I wasn't interested and you happen to be a black man. That's some weird knee jerk crazy I'm not going to put up with.



OsideGirl -> RE: The order of things in online conversations as I see them. (9/26/2016 12:41:25 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Bayudness


First understand the the Sub has ALL of the power INITIALLY, they give the Go/Nogo.
I agree with Steven on this - both sides have the power to say "No".


quote:

In my opinion this order is Ideal for everyone ( there may be slight tweeks here and there but in general)
While I agree that this is a good starting point for someone looking for a relationship, there are other situations where all of this isn't necessary.

I'm also going to add that "no, means NO" - it doesn't mean try to guilt trip me, it doesn't mean give me a list of why I'm wrong for saying "no" and it doesn't mean that eventually you can wear me down to where I'll say "yes".



Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: The order of things in online conversations as I see them. (9/26/2016 12:44:09 PM)

I just had one guy call me all sorts of names when I told him I wasn't using CS as a dating site. He asked me wtf was I here.
Jerk.



LadyPact -> RE: The order of things in online conversations as I see them. (9/26/2016 12:50:24 PM)

I'm not really big on posts that try to instruct people on human interaction that talk to people like they are children. Personally, I think we ought to let the 'on your kneezzzz, bitch' types alone. It saves the submissive women from having to waste their time on someone who's been 'coached' to have a conversation like a civilized human being.

However, I do applaud your attempt to begin a thread topic. While it is very gender/role specific, (it obviously comes from someone who is a het male who comes from the male D-type perspective) I'm sure it does help some people out there.



LadyPact -> RE: The order of things in online conversations as I see them. (9/26/2016 12:53:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl
I just had one guy call me all sorts of names when I told him I wasn't using CS as a dating site. He asked me wtf was I here.
Jerk.

You'd be amazed at how many of us who are just here for the forums hear this kind of sh^t regularly.




fluffygiggler -> RE: The order of things in online conversations as I see them. (9/26/2016 12:55:07 PM)

Wonder if we've had the same creep messaging us...that sure does ring a bell for me...

But as to the original topic, I ignore any messages that say "I read your profile". It should be clear that they read my profile by the questions and statements they make in the message about what I like and what they also like too.
Anyone who immediately identifies themselves as a Dommy McDomerson in their original message, I immediately roll my eyes at. You can list yourself as dominant in your settings and say in your profile you're dominant, saying in a message you're a Dom is unnecessary. Plus calling me any pet names, or anything other than my username or names I've said are okay to call me also gets me annoyed.

I've only met one person off of CS, and I met him because he was respectful, shared the same interests as I did, and treated me like a human being instead of a fetish delivery system. That was a couple of years ago...and I haven't met anyone else in person on here yet because nobody has been like the guy I have had the pleasure of meeting.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl

Also don't call someone a racist just because I said I wasn't interested and you happen to be a black man. That's some weird knee jerk crazy I'm not going to put up with.




Alecta -> RE: The order of things in online conversations as I see them. (9/26/2016 1:22:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl
Also don't call someone a racist just because I said I wasn't interested and you happen to be a black man. That's some weird knee jerk crazy I'm not going to put up with.



I think it's racist when the only reason people talk to me is because I'm Asian.



LilJuly76 -> RE: The order of things in online conversations as I see them. (9/26/2016 1:42:15 PM)

yup got home from work and saw another message just like that



Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: The order of things in online conversations as I see them. (9/26/2016 1:53:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: fluffygiggler

Wonder if we've had the same creep messaging us...that sure does ring a bell for me...






Did this creep message from a second username after you told him to shove it and blocked him?

So weird. He also called himself the n word and accused me of being a white supremacist

So creepy.

Oh edit: he also called me Shamu. Because we all know after a girl rejects you, implying she's fat is what real winners do.



Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: The order of things in online conversations as I see them. (9/26/2016 1:59:36 PM)

P.s. I wish we could post the usernames and messages we get from some of these assholes. One just called me an idiot because I said I wasn't ready to jump into anything right now and wasn't looking to anytime soon. So sweet. Let me drop my panties right now.



ThatDizzyChick -> RE: The order of things in online conversations as I see them. (9/26/2016 3:16:36 PM)

My suggestion....try something more than just "Hi"



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