RE: General Power of Attorney

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SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: General Power of Attorney (10/1/2016 7:23:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RainbowsandUnico quote: Are you new to being a submissive? I have been at this lifestyle for about 9 years now. I also married a man off of this site and we were together about 5.5 years. However that did not blossom into the Dom/sub relationship we had expected. I certainly do not claim to be an expert. Since I identified myself as submissive and this man stated he was seeking a slave I felt that perhaps these things he was proposing were more common on the Master/slave side of the lifestyle. I do appricate all advice as I try to see this from all sides. In attempting to be fair in the presenting this topic. I will state that he claims I owe him for a punisment that I did not finish because the pain was too much. His view is that I made promises to him. Which one insluded not to drink, and I did drink alot for probably a month, yes I know my flaw. He claims the beating is for that. I wanted to be fair, by making it clear it was not just for the sake of oh i want to cause you pain for my pleasure. I dont know if that makes it any different to tell someone you will not stop even if they ask. We have talked my pain tolerance, not that i think it has any affect on his decisons. Safe words were never decussed and I do not believe he would even be open to the concept. I don't even know where to begin. A POA, no safeword, met in person 4 times, wants to punish you for drinking? In the lifestyle 9 years but married for over 5 to someone it didn't work out with. And claim to have been involved with the current Dom for 5 years as well. Which speaks of overlap in your relationships. Run, shut off your computer, go to a local munch, meet people in real life. Have fun, have real relationships with people you spend time with in real life. Actions speak louder than words. His actions show that he is untrustworthy. Rather than a POA ask that he put an equal amount of money (to your assets) into an account that only you have access to for the length of training required. He won't do it. I very much doubt that you will take any of our advice. You simply want someone to confirm your decision to move forward and say what you want to hear. Otherwise, you will deflect, excuse, and explain away his behavior so that it is acceptable. Actions speak louder than words! Good Luck.

RainbowsandUnico -> RE: General Power of Attorney (10/1/2016 7:38:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1 quote: ORIGINAL: RainbowsandUnico quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP He thinks beatings will cure alcohol dependency? Will he do the same if you have cancer? It's a disease ffs. I probably would not drink again afterwards, however to expect that I could control it while alone states away and not even under his control or in any form of structered relationship...was not doable for me, and to be punished for that..Im not sure I think is fair. And this is precisely why we feel this is the wrong person for you. Any decent sort of dom would encourage you to seek help, join a group, whatever it takes for you to conquer the demon drink or bring it under control - not issue a punishment. He does encourage AA, helped me to find a meeting, and I am sure would force me to attend those meetings if in his presence

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: General Power of Attorney (10/1/2016 8:02:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RainbowsandUnico quote: ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1 quote: ORIGINAL: RainbowsandUnico quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP He thinks beatings will cure alcohol dependency? Will he do the same if you have cancer? It's a disease ffs. I probably would not drink again afterwards, however to expect that I could control it while alone states away and not even under his control or in any form of structered relationship...was not doable for me, and to be punished for that..Im not sure I think is fair. And this is precisely why we feel this is the wrong person for you. Any decent sort of dom would encourage you to seek help, join a group, whatever it takes for you to conquer the demon drink or bring it under control - not issue a punishment. He does encourage AA, helped me to find a meeting, and I am sure would force me to attend those meetings if in his presence Why do you need his presence to do that?? Find a friend to go with you. If you are so weak-minded that you can't deal with it on your own or with a friend - find a shrink or a counselor that can help. Either way, a decent dom wouldn't give you a punishment for it. Add the POA bullshit to that and not even consider things like safe words and stuff - he ain't the right person for you. Seriously he isn't.

Gauge -> RE: General Power of Attorney (10/1/2016 8:15:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RainbowsandUnico I probably would not drink again afterwards, however to expect that I could control it while alone states away and not even under his control or in any form of structered relationship...was not doable for me, and to be punished for that..Im not sure I think is fair. He does encourage AA, helped me to find a meeting, and I am sure would force me to attend those meetings if in his presence OK... hold the phone. I am 16 years sober, when I went to AA, I went because I recognized that I had a serious problem and needed help. If he would force you to attend those meetings, thinking that it will magically get you sober, he is an idiot. The problem here is that you lack self-control. Don't drop your relationship with him over the POA or any other reason... end it because you are not ready to be in a relationship. If you are a problem drinker, you have to get your life in order BEFORE you even consider a relationship, and I would advise you to have at least a year of continuous sobriety before that would happen. I now understand why he is asking for the POA, he isn't the problem, you are and he wants to protect you from you. This will also not work, but is noble. No matter how dominant he is, he cannot fix you. Reality time. Get your life in order. If you couldn't stop drinking for a month, or even a few days, then you have a problem. You need to have a 'come to Jesus' moment with yourself. Did your marriage end because of your drinking? Even if it didn't, problem drinkers cause chaos, it is what we do. We hurt people around us and are like a tornado of bullshit. You need to wake up and smell the reality of the situation. Fix yourself first.

Alecta -> RE: General Power of Attorney (10/1/2016 8:31:58 AM)
The more you speak on this request the more my impression is he has no idea what he's doing with this. Maybe (small maybe) he isn't a bad person and maybe his intentions are pure, we don't know him we can't say forsure; but this smells completely of someone who doesn't really know what he's doing with the TPE relationship side of things. Is that really something you want to risk, considering your existing hesitance to the situation?

ExiledSlave -> RE: General Power of Attorney (10/1/2016 9:00:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gauge quote: ORIGINAL: RainbowsandUnico I probably would not drink again afterwards, however to expect that I could control it while alone states away and not even under his control or in any form of structered relationship...was not doable for me, and to be punished for that..Im not sure I think is fair. He does encourage AA, helped me to find a meeting, and I am sure would force me to attend those meetings if in his presence OK... hold the phone. I am 16 years sober, when I went to AA, I went because I recognized that I had a serious problem and needed help. If he would force you to attend those meetings, thinking that it will magically get you sober, he is an idiot. The problem here is that you lack self-control. Don't drop your relationship with him over the POA or any other reason... end it because you are not ready to be in a relationship. If you are a problem drinker, you have to get your life in order BEFORE you even consider a relationship, and I would advise you to have at least a year of continuous sobriety before that would happen. I now understand why he is asking for the POA, he isn't the problem, you are and he wants to protect you from you. This will also not work, but is noble. No matter how dominant he is, he cannot fix you. Reality time. Get your life in order. If you couldn't stop drinking for a month, or even a few days, then you have a problem. You need to have a 'come to Jesus' moment with yourself. Did your marriage end because of your drinking? Even if it didn't, problem drinkers cause chaos, it is what we do. We hurt people around us and are like a tornado of bullshit. You need to wake up and smell the reality of the situation. Fix yourself first. THIS!!! I applaud you, Sir. Truth is painful because it makes us look at who we truly are. The "Portrait of Dorian Gray" wasn't just an intriguing story it had a profound message about the human psyche... How we see ourselves and who we really are.

WickedsDesire -> RE: General Power of Attorney (10/1/2016 9:36:07 AM)
I scarcely find two credible and I have only looked at two, three if I count a parasite on my log on page. Power of attorney is that a thing then. I thought it was a movie. I thought there were restrictions like I am a loon, or utterly mad in the head, or have a low IQ like that mad man trump and reside in a padded room, minus a water cooler - Think that’s movie. Benefit of the doubt that sounds like a movie too. Absolutely do it. You’ve been about 9 years so surely you know by now this is common place on all credible profiles and your narrative has less plot holes than the aforementioned films Actually, I better check he's not the owner of the travelling circus of curiosities - what did he have as his training resume....(Rhetorical don't answer)

ohthat1percent -> RE: General Power of Attorney (10/1/2016 10:19:07 AM)
I don't agree with ANY strangers telling you to do this or not to do this. I think it's silly when people know nothing about your relationship with this man think they know what's best for you. It boggles my mind how anyone with integrity can say to a stranger -- don't do this. Here's what you may want to consider: 1. Do you want to be with this man in the manner you two have spoken about? If yes, then proceed to the next question, if no - then you have your answers. 2. Do you trust him? if yes, then you have your answer, if no, you have your answers. There are a few power of attorneys, one is health care, one is financial. Those are pretty much the only ones you need to consider. If you are worried he won't do as he says with the proceeds from the sale of your stuff, then (if you want to sell your stuff) you can tell him you will dispose of your stuff yourself and give the money to someone to hold for you. If he has power of attorney, then the money in the bank account will be assessable to him. So that is incorrect that only you will have access to it. I would consult a lawyer if you are unsure as to what kind of power POAs allow and in what instance do they come into play. There are form POAs only but if you want conditions on it, I would consult an attorney to draft one as to the specifics you want it used. Why does he need the POA, you never explained that. If you will be living with him and a couple but not married, you may want to consider the healthcare POA, this means he can make health care decisions for you if you cannot. I wouldn't be keen on a man I haven't lived with and had a lengthy live in relationship with having financial power of attorney. I need more than just online relationship before providing someone that type of power. As for the pain -- if you don't like pain and he does -- that's huge to me, if he is telling you he is not willing to EXPLORE with you but will use it whether you agree or not. That to me can cause all kinds of emotional issues to the sub. However, only you know what you would be willing to do for this man. If he is giving you absolutes with no wiggle room or lead up, and you have had no experience with what he is speaking -- ask him to meet you and give you a sample of what he is speaking about before you make your decisions. Personally, I think you need to send him this post and tell him that you are terrified. To me, you have turned to strangers instead of the man you should be turning to, to help you through a difficult decision. That says a lot. Even if its about a relationship with him -- the one person you should be able to discuss your doubts and fears with is the man you want to be with. Is this real life -- yes Is it safe - for some yes, for others no. Are you insane for considering it -- no. But in the end, you have to trust him. It sounds to me like you don't. Good luck with your choice.

RainbowsandUnico -> RE: General Power of Attorney (10/1/2016 10:28:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ohthat1percent I don't agree with ANY strangers telling you to do this or not to do this. I think it's silly when people know nothing about your relationship with this man think they know what's best for you. It boggles my mind how anyone with integrity can say to a stranger -- don't do this. Here's what you may want to consider: 1. Do you want to be with this man in the manner you two have spoken about? If yes, then proceed to the next question, if no - then you have your answers. 2. Do you trust him? if yes, then you have your answer, if no, you have your answers. There are a few power of attorneys, one is health care, one is financial. Those are pretty much the only ones you need to consider. If you are worried he won't do as he says with the proceeds from the sale of your stuff, then (if you want to sell your stuff) you can tell him you will dispose of your stuff yourself and give the money to someone to hold for you. If he has power of attorney, then the money in the bank account will be assessable to him. So that is incorrect that only you will have access to it. I would consult a lawyer if you are unsure as to what kind of power POAs allow and in what instance do they come into play. There are form POAs only but if you want conditions on it, I would consult an attorney to draft one as to the specifics you want it used. Why does he need the POA, you never explained that. If you will be living with him and a couple but not married, you may want to consider the healthcare POA, this means he can make health care decisions for you if you cannot. I wouldn't be keen on a man I haven't lived with and had a lengthy live in relationship with having financial power of attorney. I need more than just online relationship before providing someone that type of power. As for the pain -- if you don't like pain and he does -- that's huge to me, if he is telling you he is not willing to EXPLORE with you but will use it whether you agree or not. That to me can cause all kinds of emotional issues to the sub. However, only you know what you would be willing to do for this man. If he is giving you absolutes with no wiggle room or lead up, and you have had no experience with what he is speaking -- ask him to meet you and give you a sample of what he is speaking about before you make your decisions. Personally, I think you need to send him this post and tell him that you are terrified. To me, you have turned to strangers instead of the man you should be turning to, to help you through a difficult decision. That says a lot. Even if its about a relationship with him -- the one person you should be able to discuss your doubts and fears with is the man you want to be with. Is this real life -- yes Is it safe - for some yes, for others no. Are you insane for considering it -- no. But in the end, you have to trust him. It sounds to me like you don't. Good luck with your choice. Thank you so much for your well thought out response. I do trust him, I just wanted some outside view points, since it can be life changing. I have spoke with him, and he knows my fears. I have had a taste, and ofcourse that is why exactly that I know I did not like it. Does that mean it was good for me? I dont know. a strong deterant ?certainly

Gauge -> RE: General Power of Attorney (10/1/2016 10:33:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ohthat1percent I don't agree with ANY strangers telling you to do this or not to do this. I think it's silly when people know nothing about your relationship with this man think they know what's best for you. It boggles my mind how anyone with integrity can say to a stranger -- don't do this. And yet your post does just that. As with any forum on the Internet, you will get varying opinions. She came here for advice, how do you advise someone without telling them your opinion of what they should or shouldn't do? It is acknowledged that we do not know the relationship in its entirety, it doesn't make the advice less valid, it just may not apply.

RainbowsandUnico -> RE: General Power of Attorney (10/1/2016 10:59:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gauge quote: ORIGINAL: ohthat1percent I don't agree with ANY strangers telling you to do this or not to do this. I think it's silly when people know nothing about your relationship with this man think they know what's best for you. It boggles my mind how anyone with integrity can say to a stranger -- don't do this. And yet your post does just that. As with any forum on the Internet, you will get varying opinions. She came here for advice, how do you advise someone without telling them your opinion of what they should or shouldn't do? It is acknowledged that we do not know the relationship in its entirety, it doesn't make the advice less valid, it just may not apply. Also agreed Thank you

OsideGirl -> RE: General Power of Attorney (10/1/2016 11:29:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gauge The problem here is that you lack self-control. That's not entirely the issue. I'll agree that she seems to lack boundaries or is unable to enforce them. But, by judging from some of the things she 's said - the inflexibility, the fact that he won't stop even if it's too much, etc - I'd go with domineering vs dominant. I'm thinking more that she lacks a backbone and he's using that.

ohthat1percent -> RE: General Power of Attorney (10/1/2016 11:29:29 AM)
Gauge, my post does not tell her what to do. -- it gives her things to consider. No where in my post do I say do not do this or walk away or anything of the sort. My life won't be changes by what she ends up doing or not doing, its not my life. No one especially me know what the whole situation is but her and him. So I can't tell her what to do, I can only give her things to consider, which is what I have done. So Gauge, you may want to stop and really think about what someone says before shaking your finger at them. __________________________________- OP, in the end, you are asking a bunch of people online to evaluate your life they know nothing about and your relationship with him with a few paragraphs of explanation from your perception -- I get wanting to see what others think but in all actuality -- you may want to suggest speaking to people who know you and the situation but more so the man himself. From what you have written, to me, doesn't sound like you trust him, doesn't sound like you really want this, and he doesn't appear to make you feel safe. You have to evaluate what you want and need from him -- and I presume you would at least want those three things at the very minimum. It may be wise to ask yourself why your initial post reads as it does and if your initial post actually is telling you the answers you seek. In the end, many times people feel guilty when they don't trust someone they want to trust, so they manufacture in their minds that they do trust that person. When in the end, they really could not define what trusting this person really means to them. Something to consider -- you may want to figure out what trusting a Man for relationship purposes means to you in detail and then apply that definition for what you feel with him. The fact you ask if this is real life and safe -- tells me a lot.

Gauge -> RE: General Power of Attorney (10/1/2016 11:31:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl That's not entirely the issue. I'll agree that she seems to lack boundaries or is unable to enforce them. But, by judging from some of the things she 's said - the inflexibility, the fact that he won't stop even if it's too much, etc - I'd go with domineering vs dominant. I'm thinking more that she lacks a backbone and he's using that. I said that in addressing the drinking only.

OsideGirl -> RE: General Power of Attorney (10/1/2016 11:32:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gauge quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl That's not entirely the issue. I'll agree that she seems to lack boundaries or is unable to enforce them. But, by judging from some of the things she 's said - the inflexibility, the fact that he won't stop even if it's too much, etc - I'd go with domineering vs dominant. I'm thinking more that she lacks a backbone and he's using that. I said that in addressing the drinking only. Ok, that makes sense.

Gauge -> RE: General Power of Attorney (10/1/2016 11:38:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ohthat1percent Gauge, my post does not tell her what to do. -- it gives her things to consider. No where in my post do I say do not do this or walk away or anything of the sort. My life won't be changes by what she ends up doing or not doing, its not my life. No one especially me know what the whole situation is but her and him. So I can't tell her what to do, I can only give her things to consider, which is what I have done. So Gauge, you may want to stop and really think about what someone says before shaking your finger at them. This will be my last post about this because I do not want to hijack the thread: My reading comprehension is fine.

ohthat1percent -> RE: General Power of Attorney (10/1/2016 11:46:40 AM)
It should never have been posted in the first place. In the future, you may want to consider the whole post an your supposed desire not to hijack a thread instead of taking one sentence to bitch about from someone's post and then say you don't want to hijack the thread. Actions man, mean a lot more than words. Have a great day. OP, I really do hope you find your answers. You can also consider this -- will you regret not trying this with him, to letting him go for good? Whatever your answer to this -- you again have your answers.

crazyml -> RE: General Power of Attorney (10/1/2016 12:54:08 PM)
[EDITED as a result of OsideGirl's comment - to change "you'll know" to "you might possibly know"] OK... FR here. You've met the dude 4 times. At this stage, you would have to be a fucking loon to surrender to this extent. If he is so shit hot at the training, you might possibly know after the 4 or 5 months whether you feel compelled to give up everything. Oh and this bit.... quote: ORIGINAL: Lovelyness and wants me to understand that if i agree to this deal that while i am tied up being punished that begging and pleading or stating that i do no want this Sir, will not work and he will continue. Maybe you can explain to him, that no matter how many documents you sign, if you say "No" and he continues, there is a very real chance he'll go to jail. Now... there are some relationships in which the level of trust and power exchange is total. You've heard from Kana on this thread. They are rare... they require both the sub and the dom to have a real sense of what they want and need... and that is fabulously rare. I do wish you luck, and if you decide to go forward with this insane idea then I hope that you're lucky (and you'll need to be fabulously lucky) and it doesn't turn into a fucking horrible nightmare - for both of you.

OsideGirl -> RE: General Power of Attorney (10/1/2016 1:02:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crazyml OK... FR here. You've met the dude 4 times. At this stage, you would have to be a fucking loon to surrender to this extent. If he is so shit hot at the training, you'll know after the 4 or 5 months whether you feel compelled to give up everything. I had been friends with M for 3 years before we dated, we were engaged and then married and it still took over a year before I was willing to give up my finances to him.

crazyml -> RE: General Power of Attorney (10/1/2016 1:09:46 PM)
Yep.. It was a mistake to say she'd know after 4 or 5 months... I've edited my post!

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