Where is he coming from?

Where is he coming from? (Full Version)

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RainbowsandUnico -> Where is he coming from? (10/2/2016 8:14:15 AM)
I post this text message in an attempt to not harrashly react to my emotions upon reading it. It would be easly for me to think. "No way that's cruel and no one should ever say that" however, perhaps there is a train of thought behind it from a Master view point that is logical? Any Master's out there that hold similar beliefs, or thought processes, that might care to explain their feelings behind statements such as this below? The deal is reference is ony referring to my agreement to give myself to him in a relationship and the fact that some punishments are outstanding at this point. "You understand that with this deal, when you are tied down crying and screaming "Please Sir I dont want this" and "please no", I will mot be stopping and will not release you...? This seems harrash...am I veiwing it the wrong way?

BitaTruble -> RE: Where is he coming from? (10/2/2016 8:20:28 AM)
Seems like he is telling you exactly what you can expect. What's the problem? If you don't like the way his path looks, move along but don't expect him to change it or even be capable of being someone different.

ResidentSadist -> RE: Where is he coming from? (10/2/2016 8:39:58 AM)
No it doesn't seem harsh. In fact it seems rather typical. If the point of getting tied up is to submit control to him, why would he give up that control? You shouldn't submit control to someone you don't trust. Some people use a safe word that means stop.

Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: Where is he coming from? (10/2/2016 8:51:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist No it doesn't seem harsh. In fact it seems rather typical. If the point of getting tied up is to submit control to him, why would he give up that control? You shouldn't submit control to someone you don't trust. Some people use a safe word that means stop. He already told her safe words aren't an option.

LilJuly76 -> RE: Where is he coming from? (10/2/2016 8:56:22 AM)
I highly doubt she discussed anything to do with a D/s relationship up front with him to begin with, she just jumped right in and now she finds out she can't do it the way he wants it, she's not a masochist, but nope didn't bother discussing the kind of relationship they both wanted. What thing I don't understand and this is a general question for anyone to answer, is why people don't talk, communicate, negotiate the relationship before choosing to submit to a person? I just don't get it.

RainbowsandUnico -> RE: Where is he coming from? (10/2/2016 9:49:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LilJuly76 I highly doubt she discussed anything to do with a D/s relationship up front with him to begin with, she just jumped right in and now she finds out she can't do it the way he wants it, she's not a masochist, but nope didn't bother discussing the kind of relationship they both wanted. What thing I don't understand and this is a general question for anyone to answer, is why people don't talk, communicate, negotiate the relationship before choosing to submit to a person? I just don't get it. We have had 5 years of very detailed negotiations, spelled out word for word basically in print, in person, even down to legal, marriage, children, employment, school, and retirement. By no means did we make an approach to just jump into anything. However, it is life changing and there will be plenty of dumb questions to be asked before it finds resolution.. and I dont mind asking those dumb questions, but at the end of the day I do not want to be in a situation where I did not clarify or over think the ramifications of my choice to sumit to a man.

LilJuly76 -> RE: Where is he coming from? (10/2/2016 9:55:01 AM)
if things were discussed, somehow something became lost, did he go back on anything you negotiated with? like example if you said you are not a masochist so S & M is out and all of a sudden he is going to be sadistic to you even though you aren't a masochist I would take that as a screw you bub and walk away. I guess I have been lucky with all my D/s or M/s relationships, none of them ever went against anything we negotiated.

ohthat1percent -> RE: Where is he coming from? (10/2/2016 10:33:05 AM)
If you don't trust him -- don't do it. If you don't like what he is putting on the table -- don't do it. Its pretty simple, asking strangers to decipher what someone means on a 2 sentence text when you have five years of negotiations, means either you haven't been listening to him and want people to tell you not to do it. You are an adult -- to me, if after 5 years you are still questioning him, his motives, his meanings and the like -- you don't want this with him -- you just want others to tell you what you don't want to say. Seems to me, you want to find something so this doesn't happen so you are questioning every thing he says, and figure if you post it hear for strangers, people will validate your real feelings of not wanting to do this so you want justification. Here's the thing -- if you don't want to be with him-- don't be. Own it and tell him. If you do, its been 5 years, quit second guessing everything and stalling. You will never have every little nuance discussed and negotiated. This is a relationship you are entering not a scene at a dungeon. Stop procrastinating and make up your mind. Your current posts tell me you don't want to be with this man. IF that is true and you know the answer -- then quit torturing yourself and pull the plug

DesFIP -> RE: Where is he coming from? (10/2/2016 10:36:09 AM)
Does this work for you? Will it make you feel closer to him or will it make you want to escape this relationship? See, if the end result of things is to make me dislike and distrust him, and end the relationship then my personal choice is to end the relationship before undergoing the trauma. But I know people who would view this as a good time for all. It doesn't matter how I feel or how anyone else feels. What matters is how you feel about it. And personally, guys who can only think about punishment instead of teaching and inspiring are people I only have contempt for. Especially if what they mean by punishment is breaking hard limits, which I get the feeling is what's going on here.

ohthat1percent -> RE: Where is he coming from? (10/2/2016 10:40:08 AM)
my other thought is -- after 5 years of negotiating -- this is the first time he's brought all of this up?

kiwisub22 -> RE: Where is he coming from? (10/2/2016 10:46:52 AM)
If I was in a relationship where I sincerely and wholeheartedly didn't like what he was doing to my body, I would have to leave. Especially if the physical thing isn't a one-off situation, but something he enjoys on a continuing basis.

OsideGirl -> RE: Where is he coming from? (10/2/2016 11:18:33 AM)
I'm with everyone else. If this works for you - great. If you want safewords and he won't allow them - walk. If you don't trust him - don't get in a relationship with him.

Alecta -> RE: Where is he coming from? (10/2/2016 6:59:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: "You understand that with this deal, when you are tied down crying and screaming "Please Sir I dont want this" and "please no", I will mot be stopping and will not release you...? This seems harrash...am I veiwing it the wrong way? If you think it is harsh, then it is probably too harsh for you. The question is, is it worth it, and only you can answer this. Remember that consensual non consent is first and foremost consensual. You can walk away now, you don't have to agree; but if you do, you'll have to bear the full responsibility of asking for it and allowing it to happen to you.

crazyml -> RE: Where is he coming from? (10/3/2016 7:05:32 AM)
So, here's my POV... quote: ORIGINAL: RainbowsandUnico "You understand that with this deal, when you are tied down crying and screaming "Please Sir I dont want this" and "please no", I will mot be stopping and will not release you...? I hope he understands that if he so much as touches you after you've said "please no" then he's wide open to a conviction for sexual assault. All the prior agreements in the world will not protect him if you withdraw your consent. That said, I, and I am confident a few other regular posters on this board, have continued after "please no" on quite a few occasions - it's a judgement that we make, and - frankly - a risk we take. It all depends completely on the relationship. I've been in situations where a raised eyebrow would cause me to stop doing something, I've been in others where tearful pleading haven't stopped me from continuing. If your initial reaction is "crikey, that seems over the top" then could it be that you just don't trust this person enough? I would also say, that if this is something that only came up via a text... the fella needs to work on his communication skills a smidgen, this is probably not a conversation that is suited to text messages.

Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: Where is he coming from? (10/3/2016 8:42:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crazyml So, here's my POV... I would also say, that if this is something that only came up via a text... the fella needs to work on his communication skills a smidgen, this is probably not a conversation that is suited to text messages. Especially since that could be used as evidence against him in a legal proceeding. Not too smart on his end.

Greta75 -> RE: Where is he coming from? (10/3/2016 9:00:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crazyml I hope he understands that if he so much as touches you after you've said "please no" then he's wide open to a conviction for sexual assault. Sad bit is, usually it is she says and he says. Unless there is solid video evidence she said "Please no", he will probably not get in trouble at all.

Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: Where is he coming from? (10/3/2016 9:57:04 AM)
Not of he's marked the shit outta her. Show those marks and he's toast. No court in the land will buy consensual non consent as a defense. It's a huge risk Tops take. I don't envy them and their responsibility, especially if they are dumb enough to beat the shit out of an obviously hesitant bottom.

JVoV -> RE: Where is he coming from? (10/3/2016 2:33:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RainbowsandUnico I post this text message in an attempt to not harrashly react to my emotions upon reading it. It would be easly for me to think. "No way that's cruel and no one should ever say that" however, perhaps there is a train of thought behind it from a Master view point that is logical? Any Master's out there that hold similar beliefs, or thought processes, that might care to explain their feelings behind statements such as this below? The deal is reference is ony referring to my agreement to give myself to him in a relationship and the fact that some punishments are outstanding at this point. "You understand that with this deal, when you are tied down crying and screaming "Please Sir I dont want this" and "please no", I will mot be stopping and will not release you...? This seems harrash...am I veiwing it the wrong way? With 5 years of communication and negotiation, I would have to assume that whatever act you would be wanting to stop had already been discussed, and that you have agreed to it fully. And if it's a punishment, then you know, and probably agree that you 'Have it coming'. So, completely ignoring 'no means no' which has been discussed already, think about why you would want or need to stop any scene, why he feels it should last longer, and tge consequences of doing both. Sorry, but you can't get off the rollercoaster halfway through, just because you have to piss. And you can't just get out of the airplane until it's landed and completely stopped. If you've discussed and agreed to various scenes and play types, then it's easy to have a verbal/mental walkthrough, and to examine legitimate reasons to end the scene, or to switch to something else, possibly alternating back to the original action. I'll give you a personal example. Every sub I ever even consider, I warn that I'm going to fuck their throat. I tell them bluntly that in that moment, I won't give a damn about their gag reflex, or if they can breathe, or if they're crying, or have whatever coming out of their nose. They're told that in that moment, my orgasm is the top priority. They've all agreed, but when it's time, it can be too much for them, and they can't finish. None of them get a second chance. First of all, my dick isn't big enough for me to have any sympathy for them. None of them were ever in danger of losing consciousness from lack of oxygen. I've never actual made any of them puke. That leaves the only possible true reason for ending the scene being because they just didn't want to finish it. Even though none of them could possibly have any sense of how much longer I would have needed to continue. Not only does that show me a lack of trust and a lack of true submission, but also a selfishness that I have no desire to deal with. So weigh your true dedication to your Master against whatever reasons you may have for ending the scene, barring actual injury. And in the case of punishments, correct the behavior so that the punishment scene isn't necessary in the first place. Everything else can be discussed again once the scene has ended as your Master had originally planned.

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