RE: Can't stop crying...

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: Can't stop crying...

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Can't stop crying...

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 9:47:33 AM

Greatlilbabygirl

Posts: 786
Joined: 9/9/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Another reason I don't like the Daddy/babygirl dynamic. That dynamic always involve punishment.

Just want to say, that isn't true. I like a loving Daddy who corrects not punishes. It's not a requirement for a Big to punish their little.

(in reply to Greta75)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 10:05:42 AM

LilJuly76

Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline

have to agree with OsideGirl on this one, I think your Mistress got her knowledge from BDSM porn and that's the wrong way to get it. I would definitely suggest you learn about BDSM, ask a lot of question, read a lot of stuff and if you are unsure what something is keep asking questions. I wouldn't suggest asking them to your Mistress though.

(in reply to heavyblinker)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 10:08:21 AM

LilJuly76

Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline

I feel the same way about vacuuming, in fact that's a perfect punishment for me make me vacuum because I hate it! still if I wasn't a masochist I wouldn't hook up with a sadist.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 11:04:27 AM

heavyblinker

Posts: 3623
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I'm going to be honest here. First, you need to do some research figure out what you want, like, need. Second, communication is essential to having a successful relationship....and you can't/won't. Third, IMO opinion a good Dominant sets their submissive up to succeed. I don't see that happening here. My impression is that she learned to be a "Dominant" by watching porn and has fallen into the the "Are you crying? I'll give you something to cry about!" bad parenting routine.

I don't really know what I want, like or need... I mean, you can always read about things or have ideas but I don't think anyone can actually know how they will feel about them until they go through them-- that's how we learn about ourselves. And just because you do something once and feel uncomfortable, it doesn't mean you won't ever like it... it could be you just need to get over your inhibitions. You can disagree, but that's sort of how I see these things.

I think because I'm focused on the crying thing here in this thread, I'm probably leaving out a lot of details.

She has been really supportive about a lot of things too and it isn't just her beating me and me crying haha. The first time I cried she was really pretty nice about it... it wasn't until I kept breaking down over and over that she started to get frustrated. I also have an annoying habit of apologizing for everything and sort of beating myself up verbally, and it actually is really quite pathetic and something I need to work on... so I'm sure that also has something to do with her getting angry. I think she cares about me in her own way, but I don't think anyone would want to be with someone who just cries all the time... she wants someone who really enjoys themselves, and I really think I could be that if I could just get over this crying thing.

So it's really not her fault that I seem to be failing... it's my own lack of self-control that is making it happen. I would much rather take this opportunity to work on myself as opposed to just finding someone who will indulge my weaknesses... to be honest, I'm not even sure such a person exists, and if they do, chances are they're not dominant. I really don't even think there are any woman who want guys who are needy, anxious and insecure... which is probably why I'm so bad with relationships in general.

Rest assured, she is a real dominant... to the point where she knows that she could never have an equal partner. I think I was probably bound to not like some of the things that she is doing, but I think that the end goal of it all is really desirable. She is willing to take it further than most other people, but she also told me it's okay to get out if it becomes too intense. She has set me up to succeed because she is helping me to become a better person... someone who is focused, disciplined and attentive to the needs of others... sort of like being in the military, except without the whole killing people thing. I think that if I kept crying in the military, I would probably get the same response from the drill sergeant. I've never actually been in the military, but in the movies the drill sergeants never seem to be above using humiliation to get the result they need to get.

I should have done this a lot sooner... to be honest, I think that a lot of men these days are yearning for the kind of discipline that she is willing to provide, so I need to be able to rise to the challenge. There is even a thread on this forum about what dommes are looking for in a sub, and I know for a fact that they wouldn't accept me... they seem to only want to dominate people who are already perfect haha. I need this... badly!

Sorry for ranting... I don't mean to be confrontational, I just think I haven't been portraying her accurately. Of course a complaint thread is going to result in me appearing to be the victim, but it's really not like that.

< Message edited by heavyblinker -- 10/7/2016 11:18:15 AM >

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 11:21:34 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14412
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heavyblinker

I don't really know what I want, like or need... I mean, you can always read about things or have ideas but I don't think anyone can actually know how they will feel about them until they go through them-- that's how we learn about ourselves. And just because you do something once and feel uncomfortable, it doesn't mean you won't ever like it... it could be you just need to get over your inhibitions. You can disagree, but that's sort of how I see these things.

I wasn't talking about kink - I was talking about what you want out of your relationship.

quote:

So it's really not her fault that I seem to be failing...

She's the Dominant, she's the one in control. So, while there are cases that the submissive is just a crappy human, if a submissive is routinely failing and it's not willful disobedience - it is the failure of the Dominant.

quote:

it's my own lack of self-control that is making it happen. I would much rather take this opportunity to work on myself as opposed to just finding someone who will indulge my weaknesses...

Feelings are feelings. Suppressing them only makes things worse. It's about how you deal with them. Having someone help you deal with them isn't indulging weaknesses. IMO, (with a shiny framed degree backing it up) is that increasing the beatings isn't dealing with those feelings.

quote:

Rest assured, she is a real dominant...

Meh, what's real to me, may not be real to you. And what's real for you isn't real for me.

quote:

to the point where she knows that she could never have an equal partner.

So, do bullies and abusers. What's the point? FYI: M and I have 17 year TPE relationship. He views me as an equal part of this relationship. I don't view him a superior, I have accepted him as a leader and trust his judgement.

quote:

She has set me up to succeed because she is helping me to become a better person... someone who is focused, disciplined and attentive to the needs of others... sort of like being in the military, except without the whole killing people thing.

I should have done this a lot sooner... to be honest, I think that a lot of men these days are yearning for the kind of discipline that she is willing to provide, so I need to be able to rise to the challenge. It sure beats wallowing in Facebook-era narcissism, feeling lost but still entitled to free sex, free money and free jobs, working out so I can look like a pretty object and trying to find some hypothetical dream girl who will take me as I am so we can ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.

Haha sorry for ranting... I don't mean to be confrontational, I just think I haven't been portraying her accurately. Of course a complaint thread is going to result in me appearing to be the victim, but it's really not like that.

I have to tell you that most of this sounds like drinking the Kool Aid sub frenzy to me.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to heavyblinker)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 11:24:23 AM

LilJuly76

Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline

we need to start taking this kool aid away, it makes newbies confused

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 11:36:27 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14412
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LilJuly76

we need to start taking this kool aid away, it makes newbies confused

I think it's more like they lose objectivity about the situation.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LilJuly76)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 11:38:44 AM

heavyblinker

Posts: 3623
Status: offline

quote:

I wasn't talking about kink - I was talking about what you want out of your relationship.

Okay... I will have to think about that.

quote:

She's the Dominant, she's the one in control. So, while there are cases that the submissive is just a crappy human, if a submissive is routinely failing and it's not willful disobedience - it is the failure of the Dominant.

It's not willful disobedience, but there are some pretty basic things that I don't understand.

quote:

Feelings are feelings. Suppressing them only makes things worse. It's about how you deal with them. Having someone help you deal with them isn't indulging weaknesses. IMO, (with a shiny framed degree backing it up) is that increasing the beatings isn't dealing with those feelings.

I respect your opinion, and I agree I need to deal with them... but they're not her problems, they're mine.

quote:

Meh, what's real to me, may not be real to you. And what's real for you isn't real for me.

Sounds like a lyric from a psychedelic sixties song!

quote:

So, do bullies and abusers. What's the point? FYI: M and I have 17 year TPE relationship. He views me as an equal part of this relationship. I don't view him a superior, I have accepted him as a leader and trust his judgement.

Yeah, she can be a little mean... it turns me on.

But I would agree it's probably more difficult to sustain a relationship where you're being shut down all the time.

quote:

I have to tell you that most of this sounds like drinking the Kool Aid sub frenzy to me.

It could be... we'll see!

< Message edited by heavyblinker -- 10/7/2016 11:42:53 AM >

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Profile

Post #: 48

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 11:41:13 AM

LilJuly76

Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline

that to which in turns bring on the subfrenzy, they will submit to anyone who they think is a Dominant but doesn't mean that they are a Dominant. it's also the reason why some subfrenzy submissives make big mistakes like believing someone when they demand they hand them over their bank accounts, car and home and they aren't allowed to tell anyone because they are submissive, it's not a funny situation but I want to laugh when people fall for stuff like that.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Profile

Post #: 49

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 11:45:52 AM

heavyblinker

Posts: 3623
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LilJuly76

that to which in turns bring on the subfrenzy, they will submit to anyone who they think is a Dominant but doesn't mean that they are a Dominant. it's also the reason why some subfrenzy submissives make big mistakes like believing someone when they demand they hand them over their bank accounts, car and home and they aren't allowed to tell anyone because they are submissive, it's not a funny situation but I want to laugh when people fall for stuff like that.

I won't let it get to that point.

Yes, I am a newbie... but that doesn't automatically mean that I've lost my grip on reality. It is exciting to discover a new world... and I'm sure that both of you know a lot more about it, but that doesn't mean she's fake or out to get me. I'm posting just a tiny bit of my own perspective and she isn't here to defend herself... so it's never really going to be fair to her.

I really don't think she's insincere and with everything she has told me about her life it isn't so implausible to believe that she's wired to be dominant. I could believe she's a raging narcissist, but definitely not fake.

Still, I really do appreciate your concerns and I definitely think it's a good idea to be at least a little guarded, but I'm not ready to write this one off just now. I agree that suppressing my feelings probably isn't going to work, because it's also what I've been doing for about 30 years now... so maybe I need therapy or something.

< Message edited by heavyblinker -- 10/7/2016 12:52:27 PM >

(in reply to LilJuly76)

Profile

Post #: 50

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 12:35:49 PM

LilJuly76

Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline

hope not, when people are in subfrenzy they do stupid things. I always tell new submissives to slow down, get involved with the local community and forget about the online learning stuff, that's where they get a lot of wrong information.

(in reply to heavyblinker)

Profile

Post #: 51

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 12:57:20 PM

heavyblinker

Posts: 3623
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LilJuly76

hope not, when people are in subfrenzy they do stupid things. I always tell new submissives to slow down, get involved with the local community and forget about the online learning stuff, that's where they get a lot of wrong information.

I'm sure that everyone here is a great source of info.

(in reply to LilJuly76)

Profile

Post #: 52

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 1:02:53 PM

LilJuly76

Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline

yeah mostly, that's how you learn ask questions to those of us that have been in the lifestyle a long time, some of the newbies think they know it all but they don't. Those that actually want to listen and take advice from us old pros that have been doing it a long time, you're better off asking questions to either Dominant or submissive.

(in reply to heavyblinker)

Profile

Post #: 53

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 1:03:23 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14412
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heavyblinker
it isn't so implausible to believe that she's wired to be dominant.

Having a dominant personality is a natural occurrence, being A Dominant is a learned skill. The two are not automatically inclusive or exclusive of each other. I'll also add that a lot of people confuse being Dominant with being domineering.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to heavyblinker)

Profile

Post #: 54

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 1:10:32 PM

LilJuly76

Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline

exactly

example I have a sister who has a Dominant personality and she is also Dominerring to the point where she alienates everyone, but she's vanilla

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Profile

Post #: 55

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 1:31:56 PM

WickedsDesire

Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline

Rolls eyeballs – are you really going to keep doing this on here (OP).

I don’t know any Mistresses who take on people to thrash the living daylights out with a stout stick, perhaps a handful exist, actually I think I knew one – good story perhaps for another day. But I don’t know any who thrashes a person further, nor why any would want to.

I thank you for sharing this thread OP and taking the time out between your savage beatings.

I would also like to point out to any “newbies” this is not the norm. Save perhaps those who have gleaned all their information from dodgy websites and shoddy porn

(in reply to LilJuly76)

Profile

Post #: 56

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 4:16:50 PM

kiwisub22

Posts: 450
Joined: 7/16/2016
Status: offline

OP - dominants aren't immensely superior to their submissives. They are dominant, not the be all and end all of human evolution.
The thing is, is that if you weren't there she wouldn't be a dominant - she would just be a female with a desire to be dominant to someone. That makes you an equal in the relationship - submissive to her dominance.

From the outside it may appear that you have no power in the relationship, but the fact that you stay gives you just as much power as her. And the fact that it is a relationship means that you get to talk to her about what isn't working - though it sounds as if you have give- and- take.

(in reply to WickedsDesire)

Profile

Post #: 57

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 8:34:40 PM

heavyblinker

Posts: 3623
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedsDesire

Rolls eyeballs – are you really going to keep doing this on here (OP).

I don’t know any Mistresses who take on people to thrash the living daylights out with a stout stick, perhaps a handful exist, actually I think I knew one – good story perhaps for another day. But I don’t know any who thrashes a person further, nor why any would want to.

I thank you for sharing this thread OP and taking the time out between your savage beatings.

I would also like to point out to any “newbies” this is not the norm. Save perhaps those who have gleaned all their information from dodgy websites and shoddy porn

I have read some of your comments on this site and I was really hoping you wouldn't show up.

I honestly don't have a clue how anything you've said relates to anything I've said and furthermore I'm not convinced you're qualified to be talking about the true reality of anything at all.

< Message edited by heavyblinker -- 10/7/2016 8:44:38 PM >

(in reply to WickedsDesire)

Profile

Post #: 58

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 10:01:31 PM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl
Just want to say, that isn't true. I like a loving Daddy who corrects not punishes. It's not a requirement for a Big to punish their little.

What's involved in this "correction", sounds like another word for "discipline" and "punishment".

Personally, if my Master is unhappy with me, the best solution is sit me down, and list up all the things he is not happy about, and basically discuss with me like an adult, what we can do to resolve all these problems, and come to a compromise or resolution. And anyway, if it is someone I love, I always care about his feelings and I care that I am not making him happy. I will fix it. I want my actions to make him happy always!

I don't need cold treatment or to be beaten up. I take his unhappiness with me seriously all the time. And knowing I made him unhappy is punishment enough, I will feel terrible and want to fix it. Because the way I rationalise stuffs, when I am inlove with someone, I want to be his comfort, and his peace. Not his strife. So my goal is to make him happy. Keep him happy.

And obviously if it is a dominant who needs things I can't fulfill to make him happy, then I know we aren't right for each other, period. I will fail his expectations, it's not within my capability. Then we aren't suited. End of the day, one person isn't capable of EVERYTHING.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/7/2016 10:05:55 PM >

(in reply to Greatlilbabygirl)

Profile

Post #: 59

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 10:10:03 PM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Some view it as being submissive. They don't enjoy it, but do it because their Dominant does. I feel the same way about baseball.

Yea, in vanilla relationships. There are these things you do that you hate, but you do it, because your S/O enjoys it and it's not about you but for him.
It's these little things that specifically in vanilla relationships that show you care about that person.

But in D/S, it is a form of submission.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Profile

Post #: 60