RE: How to find a Mistress for play

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RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/28/2016 7:19:02 PM

MissKatya

Posts: 341
Joined: 12/21/2007
From: NYC
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quote:

ORIGINAL: heavyblinker

OP can i ask what reasons you have for writing off the pros? Just because they're accepting money doesn't mean they're insincere, dirty, damaged, supporting a heroin habit... or whatever issues you're taking with them. I see you've brought up hookers, so I think you might have the wrong idea.

Wait....we're not???? Fuck, I've been doing this all wrong. Trying to be responsible and stuff.

That's it folks, I'm going to go get in touch with my deep rooted daddy issues and shoot up some H.

;)

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RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/30/2016 7:30:55 PM

Titanium19

Posts: 9
Joined: 10/25/2016
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick
True, so why do the opinions of complete strangers who know fuck all about you bother you so fucking much?

cuz I came here with a geniune request for info, not for ppl who know absolutely nothing to try and 'fix' what they perceive to be 'wrong' with me or replies that are useless and unhelpful

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I would try normal dating sites, and "Dating 2.0" sites like SeekingArrangement. There are definitely women who are 40+ and just looking for adventures. Divorced, kids finally out of the house, holy crap what do I do with myself. Come up with cool things you can do -- more than just dinner -- like going to Yosemite, or going to Paris, depending on your income level -- and seduce by offering experiences.

interesting, helpful and thanks.
I got casual vanilla play from those kinda sites (not tried seekingarrangements) but havent seen many options for kink on there, BUT it isnt impossible I suppose

quote:

ORIGINAL: heavyblinker

OP can i ask what reasons you have for writing off the pros? Just because they're accepting money doesn't mean they're insincere, dirty, damaged, supporting a heroin habit... or whatever issues you're taking with them. I see you've brought up hookers, so I think you might have the wrong idea.

If you just want to dabble, it's a good way to do it... otherwise you will need to do a lot of work. Making yourself desirable to a demanding woman who can take her pick is hard enough without approaching it like a casual fling. Also, serving someone is best approached if you ask them what they want as opposed to telling everyone what you want.... the right attitude goes a long way.

Hmmm . . . I think that paid services are not a real experience, that the one receiving the payment is just offering a service and does whatever asked, it's a routine, not personal, but instead just a charade. I dont't equate a paid domme to a hooker or think that they are all dirty and damaged with a drug problem, hookers are just the only pay for play examples that I know of so that's why I used that example, but I take your point . . . it's probably something I should reconsider
I'm not opposed to doing some 'work', but not a whole lot, maybe the ease at which I have gotten casual vannila play has blind sided me to the difference in 'work' needed for kink casual play

at this point, all I wanna do is dabble, but with a real perspective, not the charade
thanks for your suggestion, it is very helpful

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RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/30/2016 8:20:38 PM

ThatDizzyChick

Posts: 5490
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quote:

cuz I came here with a geniune request for info, not for ppl who know absolutely nothing to try and 'fix' what they perceive to be 'wrong' with me or replies that are useless and unhelpful

That doesn't actually answer the question

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RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/31/2016 9:42:47 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Titanium19
I got casual vanilla play from those kinda sites (not tried seekingarrangements) but havent seen many options for kink on there, BUT it isnt impossible I suppose

It's not hard to recruit to service-kink if you explain it concretely.

"You know what I'd love? After we've gone to that wine tasting you've always wanted to go to? We get private, I give you a long, slow massage. You love it, but you pretend you don't, and you spank me and tell me I have to try harder and do better. Then I promise I will, and kiss your body all over, until you are so relaxed you are floating."

Or whatever type of "make it all about her" that you're into.

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RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/31/2016 9:59:54 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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That presumes that he really does want to make it all about her. And that what he doesn't actually want it to be all about her doing things to him that only he will enjoy. Since he hasn't said what his fantasy encounter would be, we can't rule that out.

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RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/31/2016 12:37:40 PM

Titanium19

Posts: 9
Joined: 10/25/2016
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

That presumes that he really does want to make it all about her. And that what he doesn't actually want it to be all about her doing things to him that only he will enjoy. Since he hasn't said what his fantasy encounter would be, we can't rule that out.

replies are getting better, and more helpful thanks

RedMagic1 that sounds too simple, but sometimes overthinking is a cockblock, simple works better and that sounds def worth a shot. what a coincidence that you mention massage, I have been told that I give a good massage, well at least in vanilla play

DesFIP I want to please mutually, I want it to be all about both of us, but I am not sure IF that would be entirely possible. I really do not wanna direct the play, since I am interested in being submissive and I believe in that situation SHE has control and directs the play and would firstly do things she enjoys. I am not sure that my pleasure would be up for discussion but maybe optional, but I'm sure that is up to the mistress. like I said, new to this and not sure how it works. I want to be taken for the ride and see how that goes. I don't wanna do the driving. I hope that kinda explains where my thoughts are on this, or does it makes it more confusing?

I'm up for the experience and interested to see how it works out. I have a few fantasies in mind, but I wont be posting that in here as I am not ready for it to be laughed at, mocked and ridiculed, given the way this thread started and some of the responses by the others, I believe that is likely to happen. the one non-erotic encounter I had and enjoyed was in the act of service. willing to push that a bit into the erotic space. I have hard limits on intense pain play. I have seen pics of very damaged and wounded body parts on another site that the sub proudly showed off and seems like they enjoyed it. That constitutes abuse in my books. if they like that, hey, power to them, do whatever makes them happy, that bit is not for me. I am true to myself to know that I won't enjoy that level of pain.

I have merintophobia, so the whole tied up thing is gonna have to be approached with respect

for a first encounter, I am really open-minded (keeping the above mentioned 2 things in mind)

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RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 11/1/2016 6:51:41 AM

DarkSteven

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You know what might work for you? At the dungeons in Colorado, tasting nights are offered. On those nights, stations are set up, at which bottoms can try flogging, electrical play, bondage, etc. So someone could get several five minute mini-sessions in one night. If that appeals to you, OP, call your local dungeons and see if that's offered.

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RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 11/1/2016 10:40:40 AM

Titanium19

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great suggestion

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Post #: 28