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Beginner losing interest on BDSM - 11/13/2016 1:22:36 PM

ruyramos171

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/13/2016
Status: offline

Dear all,
I consider myself a beginner since I have started on the scene less than 6 months ago.
I have seen 7 pro-Dommes so far and had around 20 sessions. In general, my sessions involve:
- Light Bondage
- Tease and deny
- Some anal/prostate
- Spitting
- Golden shower
- Face sitting
Most recently, I started to feel less excited on the sessions and seen to be losing my interest on BDSM. Has anybody felt that?
Any insights will be very helpful.
Cheers,
Ruy

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RE: Beginner losing interest on BDSM - 11/13/2016 1:25:14 PM

Baldrick

Posts: 302
Joined: 1/2/2005
Status: offline

Maybe, and this is just my opinion, stop paying the pros, because there is no emotion in it. Maybe start interacting in your local kink community, going to munches, get invited to play parties, and see what happens that way

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RE: Beginner losing interest on BDSM - 11/13/2016 2:46:07 PM

Diffident

Posts: 163
Joined: 7/12/2016
Status: offline

Don't go to 7 Pro-Dommes. Stick to one. None of those 7 have got to know you, and you haven't got to know them.

(in reply to Baldrick)

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RE: Beginner losing interest on BDSM - 11/13/2016 4:13:11 PM

ruyramos171

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/13/2016
Status: offline

Thanks for the feedback guys. The reason I went to 7 different ones is because I travel a lot and don't want my wife that I am into this life style.
Having said that, you both have a good point and that's what is missing in my opinion: get them to know me better so for that I either need to stick to one or move to a non-pro.
My first pro-Domme is from San Jose (CA), I wish I could stick to her but I don't travel to the west coast very often, said that if you go to the best restaurant of the city every day, it will become ordinary... so she recommended me to scale down and see pro-Dommes less frequently.

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RE: Beginner losing interest on BDSM - 11/13/2016 4:27:00 PM

Alecta

Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
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Maybe you are bored of the things you have tried because now you know what they are like, so try more things. Tell your next session pro what you have done and what you are getting bored of. Ask them politely to help introduce you to more stuff that maybe you haven't thought of. It's like going to a restaurant too in that sometimes you may never have thought to try a certain dish but if you ask the chef he might recommend it and you might find you like it.

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RE: Beginner losing interest on BDSM - 11/13/2016 4:59:40 PM

MissKatya

Posts: 341
Joined: 12/21/2007
From: NYC
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ruyramos171

Dear all,
I consider myself a beginner since I have started on the scene less than 6 months ago.
I have seen 7 pro-Dommes so far and had around 20 sessions. In general, my sessions involve:
- Light Bondage
- Tease and deny
- Some anal/prostate
- Spitting
- Golden shower
- Face sitting
Most recently, I started to feel less excited on the sessions and seen to be losing my interest on BDSM. Has anybody felt that?
Any insights will be very helpful.
Cheers,
Ruy

Hello, Pro-Domme advice being given here.

Of course you are losing interest, 20 sessions in 6 months is waaaaay too much. Slow down, build up a desire to play and don't session everytime the impulse kicks in.

In my opinion, a session a month is a good rate to play and explore. If you really need more, I wouldn't do anything more than 2 sessions a month.

Also, establish a rapport with a Domme. Don't slut around. It may take some time but once you find the right Domme, you can grow on that bond and push your play further.

But slow down. Kink is not going anywhere.

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"The desire to inflict pain, that is all that is uppermost"-Albert Fish

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RE: Beginner losing interest on BDSM - 11/14/2016 6:38:14 AM

ruyramos171

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/13/2016
Status: offline

Dear MissKatya and Alecta,
Thanks a lot for your feedback. I had no idea how to jump into the scene and end up having a major deep dive. I am scaling down, taking a little break and will also try new things as Alecta is suggesting.
The Domme I like the most lives in CA and I don't travel there very often so I end up getting closer to Dommes in Chicago. They are all great but it is very good to hear from a pro-Domme like you that I should slow down and I will.
Thanks a lot for your advice.
Kind Regards,
Ruy

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RE: Beginner losing interest on BDSM - 11/14/2016 7:00:59 AM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

Maybe you shouldn't worry about being bored.

Maybe you should see it as a sign that now that you've explored, you've gotten the taboo out of it, and you can go back to being faithful to your wife again instead.

And yes, even if you haven't had sex with any pro-Domme, you have been being unfaithful to your wife, both in spirit (because of the fact that you're having sexually tinted exchange with other women with the purpose of getting your dick hard which you're hiding from her) as well as in vow (because as husband and wife, you've sworn to share your resources with her, and you are spending inordinate amounts of money behind her back on other women).

Maybe if you're bored, you should be happy that you can finally go back to focusing on the woman who should be your priority, instead of trying to figure out a way to get you more interested in other women again.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

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RE: Beginner losing interest on BDSM - 11/14/2016 10:27:24 AM

ruyramos171

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/13/2016
Status: offline

I never thought from that angle but maybe I am not getting bored but full of guilt... you have a point

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RE: Beginner losing interest on BDSM - 12/15/2016 12:10:52 AM

LadyAstra

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/21/2014
Status: offline

quote:

Maybe you should see it as a sign that now that you've explored, you've gotten the taboo out of it, and you can go back to being faithful to your wife again instead.

It might be a bit counter to social norms, but what if these experiences have helped his marriage to be stronger?

I say check in with what's going on with your motivations for such behavior. Is there a dialogue you can start with your wife about exploring more in the bedroom? If that's not possible, check in with the idea of divorce, and if that isn't a possibility either then definitely slowing down with the kink scene would be a terrific idea! And there's nothing wrong with seeing the Cali Domme only once or twice a year. Maybe the time between visits will leave you more satisfied.

In the end, it is your life, and all your choices in your life are yours, and don't ever let anyone tell you differently! :)

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RE: Beginner losing interest on BDSM - 12/15/2016 1:57:26 AM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAstra

quote:

Maybe you should see it as a sign that now that you've explored, you've gotten the taboo out of it, and you can go back to being faithful to your wife again instead.

It might be a bit counter to social norms, but what if these experiences have helped his marriage to be stronger?

I say check in with what's going on with your motivations for such behavior. Is there a dialogue you can start with your wife about exploring more in the bedroom? If that's not possible, check in with the idea of divorce, and if that isn't a possibility either then definitely slowing down with the kink scene would be a terrific idea! And there's nothing wrong with seeing the Cali Domme only once or twice a year. Maybe the time between visits will leave you more satisfied.

In the end, it is your life, and all your choices in your life are yours, and don't ever let anyone tell you differently! :)

He's forcefully trying to have himself regain an interest in seeing another woman in a sexual context behind his wife's back while he currently doesn't have the interest to do so, and you're arguing that he ought to do this?

I'm all for people examining issues in the marriage related to one person being interested in kink, while the other one is not, but this dude is saying he ISN'T interested in kink at the moment.

And because kink is cool at the moment, and probably also because everybody kink online talks about kink like it's the best thing since sliced bread, he's seeing him NOT being interested in kink as an issue he should somehow fix.

Djeezes... how on Earth is the dude NOT being interested in going behind his wife's back on, and NOT being interested in sexual experiences that are different from the sexual experiences he can have with her, an issue?

Let him not be interested.

Any by all means, if at some point he becomes interested in kink again, he should find a solution for those urges. If that means seeing a Pro-Domme from time to time while staying married, because he decides that's the best thing for everybody involved, then so be it. I'm not in his relationship, I can't make that call for him.

But him NOT wanting to see a Pro-Domme right now surely isn't an issue he should be laying awake at night about, worrying on how to 'fix' it...

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

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