Be A MISTRESS

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plumpytoilet -> Be A MISTRESS (11/13/2016 10:09:43 PM)
i'm a slave and i hope to stay all my life as a slave for WOMEN, i'm married but unfortunately my WIFE is not dominant at all, i'm obedient and in the world of FEMDOM, but my WIFE is not. is there any advice or directions for me and my WIFE to became a real dominant girl? i'd be glad to hear useful answers from You.

OsideGirl -> RE: Be A MISTRESS (11/13/2016 10:13:55 PM)
If she's not, she's not and pressuring her to be so will only make you both unhappy.

stef -> RE: Be A MISTRESS (11/13/2016 10:15:13 PM)
There is no advice that will make your wife into something she is not.

Alecta -> RE: Be A MISTRESS (11/13/2016 10:16:03 PM)
The most submissive thing you can do is be whatever SHE wants and let her be HERSELF. Stop trying to top from the bottom.

DarkSteven -> RE: Be A MISTRESS (11/13/2016 10:38:40 PM)
Yeah, if she's Dominant, she'll tell you to quit pestering her to fit your fantasies.

plumpytoilet -> RE: Be A MISTRESS (11/13/2016 10:42:11 PM)
Thanks for your quick replies, but i think that dominance is not only granted by nature, dominance could be acquired, maybe with some special kinds of practice or acts, but making it impossible is not really the right word. hope to find some useful answers.

SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: Be A MISTRESS (11/13/2016 10:49:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: plumpytoilet Thanks for your quick replies, but i think that dominance is not only granted by nature, dominance could be acquired, maybe with some special kinds of practice or acts, but making it impossible is not really the right word. hope to find some useful answers. Except that what we are explaining to you is a fact. If she isn't Dominant by nature then it will be extremely disappointing for you both. Should she agree to be Dominant when it just isn't who she is then it just won't work. You cannot make someone change who they are to fit your needs. Everyone has given you useful answers but because it isn't what you want to hear then you feel they aren't useful. You can't change a duck into a cow just because you teach it to moo.

stef -> RE: Be A MISTRESS (11/14/2016 12:02:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: plumpytoilet Thanks for your quick replies, but i think that dominance is not only granted by nature, dominance could be acquired, maybe with some special kinds of practice or acts, but making it impossible is not really the right word. Yeah, good luck with that. quote: hope to find some useful answers. No, you're hoping for someone to give you some magic beans.

Alecta -> RE: Be A MISTRESS (11/14/2016 1:01:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: plumpytoilet Thanks for your quick replies, but i think that dominance is not only granted by nature, dominance could be acquired, maybe with some special kinds of practice or acts, but making it impossible is not really the right word. hope to find some useful answers. You're not hearing what we're saying, so here's a translation: STOP TRYING TO DOMINATE HER AND JUST SUBMIT! A Dominant woman is one who is confident to be HERSELF. So let her be herself and not whatever fantasy you've got going on. Give her the confidence to be whatever she wants to be and she will become dominant, even if what she wants is for you to get on top of her and fuck her nine ways to Sunday. Don't you see? If she is doing things for your pleasure only because you are demanding it, you are dominating her. It only becomes her domination when it stops being about you and starts being all about her. Even if what she wants is for you to stop thinking about BDSM and just be a responsible good husband!! Domination can be inspired in one of 2 ways: disgust, or under unconditional support. The ultimate act of Dominance a woman has over a man is to leave him. Unconditional support means doing anything she wants, ANYTHING. Regardless of how you feel about it. If she wants you to cook, you cook. If she wants you to pick up milk, you pick up the milk. Take out the garbage, sit down to dinner with her, tie her up and make her cum 30 times, WHATEVER she wants. Don't argue. Don't tell her how she is wrong. Just DO it. And do it the way she wants. She is always right! If you keep challenging her and telling her what to do of course she will never be Dominant, because you are dominating her trying to force her to act the way you want. Understand this: being Dominant doesn't mean micromanaging. It means having the ultimate say. It doesn't mean being on top during sex. It means getting whatever you want out of sex. It doesn't mean not caring about your slave or being inconsiderate to them. It means getting to treat them exactly as you want to treat them. Let her get her way. Also, just speaking for myself, I wouldn't want to be married to a pig or a toilet.

LadyPact -> RE: Be A MISTRESS (11/14/2016 5:29:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: plumpytoilet Thanks for your quick replies, but i think that dominance is not only granted by nature, dominance could be acquired, maybe with some special kinds of practice or acts, but making it impossible is not really the right word. hope to find some useful answers. Just so you know, I'm kind of used to be the minority opinion on this particular subject. <grin> I have a question for you. (Several, actually.) If it is such a casual thing that Dominance could be acquired, why don't you just "acquire" your vanilla~ness? You want this woman to get into D/s for you. Why isn't the opposite true? Just be vanilla for her. Just practice having the sex that doesn't make you happy or try those "acts" that you speak of. You want her to change her preferences to suit you. Why aren't you changing for her? I'm willing to bet that when you two got married, she had no idea that you thought you were such a <cough> slave <cough> that you were going to try to change her into the person that she's not. From a certain angle, that really does mean that you don't love your wife for the person she is. Instead, you want to love the idea of what you want to turn her into be. If you really were dealing with a Dominant woman, she'd tell you to f^ck off. She'd have the realization that she gets to be exactly who she is, rather than cow-towing to you.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: Be A MISTRESS (11/14/2016 7:05:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Alecta quote: ORIGINAL: plumpytoilet Thanks for your quick replies, but i think that dominance is not only granted by nature, dominance could be acquired, maybe with some special kinds of practice or acts, but making it impossible is not really the right word. hope to find some useful answers. You're not hearing what we're saying, so here's a translation: STOP TRYING TO DOMINATE HER AND JUST SUBMIT! A Dominant woman is one who is confident to be HERSELF. So let her be herself and not whatever fantasy you've got going on. Give her the confidence to be whatever she wants to be and she will become dominant, even if what she wants is for you to get on top of her and fuck her nine ways to Sunday. Don't you see? If she is doing things for your pleasure only because you are demanding it, you are dominating her. It only becomes her domination when it stops being about you and starts being all about her. Even if what she wants is for you to stop thinking about BDSM and just be a responsible good husband!! Domination can be inspired in one of 2 ways: disgust, or under unconditional support. The ultimate act of Dominance a woman has over a man is to leave him. Unconditional support means doing anything she wants, ANYTHING. Regardless of how you feel about it. If she wants you to cook, you cook. If she wants you to pick up milk, you pick up the milk. Take out the garbage, sit down to dinner with her, tie her up and make her cum 30 times, WHATEVER she wants. Don't argue. Don't tell her how she is wrong. Just DO it. And do it the way she wants. She is always right! If you keep challenging her and telling her what to do of course she will never be Dominant, because you are dominating her trying to force her to act the way you want. Understand this: being Dominant doesn't mean micromanaging. It means having the ultimate say. It doesn't mean being on top during sex. It means getting whatever you want out of sex. It doesn't mean not caring about your slave or being inconsiderate to them. It means getting to treat them exactly as you want to treat them. Let her get her way. Also, just speaking for myself, I wouldn't want to be married to a pig or a toilet. This.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: Be A MISTRESS (11/14/2016 7:12:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: plumpytoilet Thanks for your quick replies, but i think that dominance is not only granted by nature, dominance could be acquired, maybe with some special kinds of practice or acts, but making it impossible is not really the right word. hope to find some useful answers. Just so you know, I'm kind of used to be the minority opinion on this particular subject. <grin> I have a question for you. (Several, actually.) If it is such a casual thing that Dominance could be acquired, why don't you just "acquire" your vanilla~ness? You want this woman to get into D/s for you. Why isn't the opposite true? Just be vanilla for her. Just practice having the sex that doesn't make you happy or try those "acts" that you speak of. You want her to change her preferences to suit you. Why aren't you changing for her? I'm willing to bet that when you two got married, she had no idea that you thought you were such a <cough> slave <cough> that you were going to try to change her into the person that she's not. From a certain angle, that really does mean that you don't love your wife for the person she is. Instead, you want to love the idea of what you want to turn her into be. If you really were dealing with a Dominant woman, she'd tell you to f^ck off. She'd have the realization that she gets to be exactly who she is, rather than cow-towing to you. And this. If you want to be her slave. Serve her. Do what she wants. Stop trying to make her do what you want. Clean the house for her. Bring her flowers. Take her out to dinner. Massage her when she has a hard day. Obey her every whim. Get her comfortable with you being her ever present support, and obedient servant. Start asking her: Honey, is there anything else I could do for you to make you happier than you are right now? Once she gets used to you asking that question a bunch (and with you complying without arguing or resentment) she'll telling you what to do on her own more. Once she starts telling you what to do on her own more, then you can go and gently ask her small things you might like her to do: Honey, I would really like it if you'd let me serve you your dinner from my knees tonight, to show you how much I worship you, would that be okay? Ask for things she'll be comfortable with. After you actually start serving her -what she wants, not what makes your dick hard- she might start to take over and start doing more stuff on her own, including some of the stuff that makes your dick hard. If she doesn't, serve her anyways.

OsideGirl -> RE: Be A MISTRESS (11/14/2016 11:52:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck Everyone has given you useful answers but because it isn't what you want to hear then you feel they aren't useful. This, as well as what Alecta, LP and Ish have said.

Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: Be A MISTRESS (11/14/2016 2:31:50 PM)
I had a guy try to turn me into his Domme. It made me miserable, I tried very hard, but the type of domination he desired (humiliation, esp about his height and penis size) didn't come naturally to me and was never sincere so we both were left disappointed and unsatisfied.

OsideGirl -> RE: Be A MISTRESS (11/14/2016 3:04:12 PM)
Oh, not to mention he's in IRAN And his profile reads: quote: this is a filthy fucked piece of dirty shitty fatty plumpy piggy slave for FEMALES. The reality is that even someone that is Dominant wouldn't take that on, never mind strong arming your wife who is living with you in a country where she could face serious consequences for fulfilling your desires.

ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Be A MISTRESS (11/14/2016 3:05:34 PM)
quote: If she isn't Dominant by nature then it will be extremely disappointing for you both. I am not so sure on this. I am somewhat of the opinion that a person might be unaware that they are dominant in a BDSM context. My Fella never considered himself to be dominant in a relationship context, he agreed to try it to please me and even then he was somewhat reluctant. But he found he enjoys it, and has grown into the role quite nicely. Now you may argue that he was in fact "dominant by nature", however since he had no idea he was there is no real way to be sure. Was he already a dominant and just didn't know it, or did he become a dominant only after being exposed to it? Hard to say. Maybe I'll ask him what he thinks.

MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: Be A MISTRESS (11/15/2016 12:41:49 AM)
All of the above, and THIS: As a submissive male, how would you like it if someone wanted YOU to be a Dominant, which you are NOT? I see this situation lots of times. The wife wants a "take charge" type husband, but the husband wants a "take charge" type wife. Well, you are married now so either suck it up and be happy to cater to her "Honey Do" lists, massage her feet every night, cook her breakfast in bed, keep the house and yard SPOTLESS, be sure the tv is always tuned to HER shows, little things like this. Or, find a non-sexual Domme who is willing to accept a married male and possibly include the wife in a coach-like arrangement (I sometimes send My submissives home with a progress note pinned to their shirt, so the wife might choose to Reward or Punish in her own way). You should be listening to EVERYONE here. We have heard it all and some of use have been through it. Don't try to CHANGE her!

ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Be A MISTRESS (11/15/2016 2:43:06 AM)
quote: Maybe I'll ask him what he thinks. he says I am wrong, it was there, he just never thought to put it into a relationship context.

heavyblinker -> RE: Be A MISTRESS (11/15/2016 11:56:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Alecta Domination can be inspired in one of 2 ways: disgust, or under unconditional support. Disgust? Why would someone want to associate themselves with someone who disgusts them? I'm not challenging you, I'm actually really curious.

Alecta -> RE: Be A MISTRESS (11/15/2016 1:45:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: heavyblinker quote: ORIGINAL: Alecta Domination can be inspired in one of 2 ways: disgust, or under unconditional support. Disgust? Why would someone want to associate themselves with someone who disgusts them? I'm not challenging you, I'm actually really curious. You missed the next line, I think, about the ultimate act of domination ;) But sometimes, leaving the worm they are saddled with may not a viable option for whatever reason.

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