Wants and needs in a D/s relationship (Full Version)

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GBaxter -> Wants and needs in a D/s relationship (11/20/2016 3:50:58 PM)

I was reading what's below on a profile and I don't disagree with it, but I'm curious to know,
what about when a female sub's wants, are different to needs for a Dom and are wants and
needs the same thing and should they come last.


I believe in and follow the 4 simple rules:
1. A male Dom needs to have a female sub meet his needs.
2. If he's chosen the right one, this will also meet her needs.
3: The Dom's wants come third.
4: The sub's wants come fourth.




Greta75 -> RE: Wants and needs in a D/s relationship (11/21/2016 11:19:05 AM)

I simply believe in Ying and Yang. When you meet the perfect fit. You don't have to worry about each other wants or needs.

Everything just fits and works out.

It shouldn't be so complicated.



Wayward5oul -> RE: Wants and needs in a D/s relationship (11/21/2016 11:35:31 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I simply believe in Ying and Yang. When you meet the perfect fit. You don't have to worry about each other wants or needs.

Everything just fits and works out.

It shouldn't be so complicated.


Come on Greta, we all somehow manage to make things way more complicated than they need to be.



WindAndSky -> RE: Wants and needs in a D/s relationship (11/21/2016 12:21:00 PM)

Gender is irrelevant. I'm a female domme with a male sub. There are male doms with male subs. There are female dommes with female subs.

But generally, I think somewhat the same way:
The dominant and the submissive both have needs. Those needs are equal, no one "deserves" to have their needs met while the other's are not, and each partner should have the other's needs as a very high priority. If the needs of only one can be met, regardless of which one, then they both need to look at whether they're with the right person.

If a dominant and a submissive want something different for the relationship, the dominant has final say. That's why it's a D/s relationship. However, a good dominant will do their best to make sure that the wants of their submissive are satisfied, or denied in a way that fulfills a different want (tease and denial or whatever, as long as it's intentional). Also, if what the dominant wants doesn't fulfill the wants of the submissive, they both need to look at whether they're with the right person.

Yes, both of them. The submissive chooses just as much as the dominant does.



UllrsIshtar -> RE: Wants and needs in a D/s relationship (11/21/2016 12:45:12 PM)

How about:

We don't keep track off/score on who gets what when, and instead focus on building a relationship which is mutually beneficial and fulfilling?



DocStrange -> RE: Wants and needs in a D/s relationship (11/21/2016 12:47:14 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GBaxter

I was reading what's below on a profile and I don't disagree with it, but I'm curious to know,
what about when a female sub's wants, are different to needs for a Dom and are wants and
needs the same thing and should they come last.


I believe in and follow the 4 simple rules:
1. A male Dom needs to have a female sub meet his needs.
2. If he's chosen the right one, this will also meet her needs.
3: The Dom's wants come third.
4: The sub's wants come fourth.



Here is a thought.
Believe it what you believe in. Do not worry about what other's believe in. Find someone you believe in and one who believes in you. The rest will take care of itself.



ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Wants and needs in a D/s relationship (11/21/2016 3:10:14 PM)

I honestly do not know how much is for my wants or their wants. They enjoy doing to me the stuff I enjoy being done to me. Would I be in the relationship without getting the things I want? No. It is having those wants unfulfilled that ruined all my previous relationships, and almost ruined my relationship with the Fella.



Danemora -> RE: Wants and needs in a D/s relationship (11/21/2016 3:14:21 PM)

~FRing it~

I personally would not choose a partner whos wants and needs were not even at least remotely aligned with mine in the first place. So I dont worry about what fits where on some arbitrary hierarchy of importance.



littleclip -> RE: Wants and needs in a D/s relationship (11/21/2016 6:39:43 PM)

i agree with UllrsIshtar the what and how is less of importance the r elationship being of mutual benifit



WickedsDesire -> RE: Wants and needs in a D/s relationship (11/26/2016 11:35:42 AM)

I have 3 cats and one hot water bottle.
You are sock, with many identities on here, blethering pish...a sight to behold right after the words declared a fuking absolute disaster zone

Others are rare...and your chances of finding that on here are about shag all blethering idiocy
Fuk knows why I am even still on the place of the god forsaken

Dear ladies, as opposed to wreck messes, who requires to gorble my humongous cock and live happily ever after



longwayhome -> RE: Wants and needs in a D/s relationship (11/27/2016 12:36:37 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DocStrange


quote:

ORIGINAL: GBaxter

I was reading what's below on a profile and I don't disagree with it, but I'm curious to know,
what about when a female sub's wants, are different to needs for a Dom and are wants and
needs the same thing and should they come last.


I believe in and follow the 4 simple rules:
1. A male Dom needs to have a female sub meet his needs.
2. If he's chosen the right one, this will also meet her needs.
3: The Dom's wants come third.
4: The sub's wants come fourth.



Here is a thought.
Believe it what you believe in. Do not worry about what other's believe in. Find someone you believe in and one who believes in you. The rest will take care of itself.


I'm with this.

There seems to be a forced artificiality in having to stress all the time that the Dom/me's wants and needs have to come first. I do understand why people say this in some contexts, such as trying to avoid excessive topping from the bottom and do-me submission, where the sub ends up receiving a service while the Dom/me does the doing.

But if this is true at all levels of your relationship, then what's the point? A subs needs and wants can be incredibly sublimated and perverse in the true sense of the word, but attending to another's want and needs without the relationship meeting any of your deep seated needs is empty and soul destroying. Some Dom/mes might get off on that, but is that not the very definition of abuse, especially in a long term relationship?

I could just a romantic at heart (not that I've noticed by the way), but how about the joy of finding someone you fit together with? I'm struggling to see why, for the most part, with the right dynamic, a good Dom/me-sub relationship shouldn't meet the needs and wants of both parties. Surely, unless it's deliberately short term or one-off, you're building something, not looking for the ideally packaged consumer product to meet your BDSM needs.

So I like the thought of finding someone you believe in and believes in you, rather than worrying excessively about whose wants and needs are the most important.

Maybe that's the antidote to all this self-entitled, relationship by tick list and mathematical compatibility crap so many people are mesmerised by.



ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Wants and needs in a D/s relationship (11/27/2016 12:54:38 AM)

quote:

where the sub ends up receiving a service while the Dom/me does the doing.

Or just find a guy (or guys) that want to do to you what you want done to you, that way everybody is happy.



tastytart -> RE: Wants and needs in a D/s relationship (12/1/2016 9:32:37 AM)

When did all doms become male, and all subs female?



OsideGirl -> RE: Wants and needs in a D/s relationship (12/1/2016 9:49:22 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: WindAndSky


If a dominant and a submissive want something different for the relationship, the dominant has final say. That's why it's a D/s relationship.
I disagree. If I'm not getting what I want out of the relationship, I can make the decision to end the end the relationship. Because regardless of it being D/s, it's still a relationship.

People make this way harder than it actually is...



OsideGirl -> RE: Wants and needs in a D/s relationship (12/1/2016 9:54:42 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: longwayhome


There seems to be a forced artificiality in having to stress all the time that the Dom/me's wants and needs have to come first.





I agree with this. It's symbiotic relationship, if both sides aren't getting their needs and wants met, then the relationship will most likely fail. It's why I chose someone who has needs and wants that align with my needs and wants. Do I always get what I want? No. But, the big "wants" get addressed and dealt with.



ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Wants and needs in a D/s relationship (12/1/2016 10:18:55 AM)

never, but that's my situation and I am lazy so that's how I phrase it. I didn't mean ti offend or imply anything, sorry.



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