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Really Need Help Finding Gay Male Slave - 12/11/2016 1:14:46 PM   
bostonpolarbear


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/8/2016
Status: offline


This is going to be long. I think I need to give details about what is the background for this in order to understand my problem.

I have been looking for a gay male slave to serve me for a long time with little success.

I have found online slaves, but there is a limit to how far such a relationship can go without being able to meet and be together in person.

Many years ago I did find one boy who very much wanted to be my slave. In fact, the first time we contacted each other, he drove about 2 hours that
evening to meet me. Things went very well, but over about 6 months he became less and less able to see me because of family (his parents) and job
commitments -- and *sigh* the weather. We meet in winter and then for about 4 months in snow 2-3 weekends every month. I ended it because we
could not establish a foundation for a relationship because his responsibilities to his parents grew too great. I contacted him about a year ago and he told
me he is overwhelmed now with those responsibly and has no time for any relationship and is celibate because he cannot get hard or come unless told so
by a Master.

I mention this so that it is clear I have had a slave before.

I want to meet with a slave so I can interview him (and he can also interview me) and so we can see if we related to each other. I CANNOT EVEN GET
THAT FAR. (Yes, all capitals, because I am so very frustrated.)

The problem I have been having -- even before I meet him -- was that a boy and I would be in contact, usually be email or other ways, we would talk for
days or a few weeks, we would agree to meet -- and then the boy would not show. Then I would be ghosted my them; sometimes (at first) I did try to
contact them, but they never would reply and I just stopped try.

MY GUESS with such boys is that the *believe* they are slaves -- but they are not -- or, I feel, they have *not* fully accepted they are and when it comes to
actually meeting, they aren't ready and do not come. Or maybe some of them are just assholes and playing a game.

This is so fucking frustrating. I joined one BDSM meet site in August and within about a month I had 10-12 (I lost count). We talked, arranged to meet, and
they never showed up to meet and I was ghosted by ALL of them. (Well, there was one who I figured out was a very twisted scammer. The other... with the
other we chatted for about 2 weeks, talked on the phone, he was extremely interested in serving me as his Master (he has been a slave before), I told him to
contact me the night before we were to meet, he did; the following day about 2 hours before we were to meet he called and said he needed an extra hour and
if that was acceptable, it was. 4 hours later he had NOT shown up and I get an email from him saying "It isn't you, it's me. I need a Mistress and not a Master,
sorry." THAT is the closest I have come in about 10 years now.

Last week I had a boy contact me by replying to 3 emails I had send him several months ago (he was one of the ones who stood me up). He wrote in each of
the emails, "Hey, Master [ABC]." I did not remember who he was so he sent me a photo and told me where we had first made contact -- and I remember who
we was. I wrote back saying I remember he stood me up, he did not answer when I tried to contact him -- and, yes, I was still interested in his being my slave
and what was he looking for as he contact me again. AND... he never replied.

I have potential slaves tell me that want nothing more that to obey and serve a Master -- but then they ask if I am going to do this or that. You say you
wanted nothing more then to obey and serve -- BUT you are asking for details about that? You have Limits -- what I could do is everything or anything that
is not one of your Limits. They seem to want me to make up a LIST of everything I will want them to do!

They want to know exactly what will happen when they meet me. I tell them they will strip naked once the enter my apartment and kneel in front of me and
we will talk to interview each other. I will likely give them some tests of obedience -- which they want to do, but, hello! TESTS. I want to see how you react
to test your potential as a slave without you being able to plan ahead.

I tell them I cannot plan in detail what exactly will happen *because* that depends on what is said when we speak in person and how our interview goes. (For
and after talking with him a short time, I told him he was a sub, not a slave (which he then realized) and thank you, good-bye.)

Here, just within the last few days, I contact a boy who seemed to be truly a slave, who said he believe completely in slavery and need to serve and obey. He
replied he was interested, and I wrote him again in more detail about what I would expect *in general* and that I wanted us to meet soon, in person, so we
could have a face-to-face discussion/interview. (I said I wanted this soon because 1) I did not want our first meeting to interfere with the holidays, and
because, 2) I have had too many boys drag things out for weeks and I realize they have no intention of meeting.

And he wrote back, "I don't think this would work." So I wrote back basically "Why? Tell me *why* so I can understand and learn." I doubt he will reply.

What am I doing wrong???

If a boy is interested in being a slave, WHAT is he looking for when a Master replies to him? Because when I write back whatever I am saying seems to make
the boy not interested in me. (You can read my profile here and see that I have a lot of detail in it of the type of slave I am looking for, what I expect at the
start, and who I am as a person.

But, truly, WHAT is a boy wanting to here from a Master when the Master replies to him, telling him he wants the boy to be his slave??? I mean, meeting and
interviewing seems reasonable to me. (I have read a LOT on BDSM and on Master/slave relationships and this is suggested!) But I cannot even get to
that point.

Seriously, please, I want to know what a slave is looking for when a Master responds at the very start of communications between them.
Because I seem to keep fucking it up.


Thanks to all.

. . .



Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Really Need Help Finding Gay Male Slave - 12/11/2016 1:38:34 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline
You don't feed their fantasy. It's that simple.
Then it's up to you to figure out what kind of people you want and whether these people who aren't panning out for you are the kinds you want, and adjust your expectations accordingly.

(in reply to bostonpolarbear)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Really Need Help Finding Gay Male Slave - 12/11/2016 1:42:00 PM   
vincentML


Posts: 9980
Joined: 10/31/2009
Status: offline
Yeah, really, BPB is a porn delivery machine. Boys are taking advantage.

Are there no more leather bars?

_____________________________

vML

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. ~ MLK Jr.

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Really Need Help Finding Gay Male Slave - 12/11/2016 2:04:16 PM   
ThatDizzyChick


Posts: 5490
Status: offline
quote:

What am I doing wrong???

Oh that's easy, you're looking online.

_____________________________

Not your average bimbo.

(in reply to vincentML)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Really Need Help Finding Gay Male Slave - 12/11/2016 2:24:21 PM   
tamaka


Posts: 5079
Status: offline
Perhaps you're talking too much.

(in reply to ThatDizzyChick)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Really Need Help Finding Gay Male Slave - 12/11/2016 2:51:31 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
Step away from the computer and go spend some time at The Ramrod or The Eagle.

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to bostonpolarbear)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Really Need Help Finding Gay Male Slave - 12/11/2016 2:57:11 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: vincentML
Are there no more leather bars?

Why, yes. Yes, there are.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to vincentML)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Really Need Help Finding Gay Male Slave - 12/11/2016 6:36:06 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
I read your profile. You're saying that you want 24/7 TPE. You also say that if the guy doesn't know what they are, to Google the terms.

So the kind of guy who thinks he might be sub will get intimidated by the depth of commitment you want before you two even meet. And if he gets concerned about it... you're not going to help. It's just him alone with Google.

You're only going to get hardcore slave types and fantasists with that approach.

Remember the advice given to do a first meet in a public place? You don't want to hear it. You want the guy to show up at your place, snd strip naked on the first meet.

Why are you surprised that you're getting fantasists and guys who chicken out? You're doing everything to ensure that that's exactly what will happen.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Really Need Help Finding Gay Male Slave - 12/14/2016 12:25:12 PM   
bostonpolarbear


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/8/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Remember the advice given to do a first meet in a public place? You don't want to hear it. You want the guy to show up at your place, snd strip naked on the first meet.


Hello???

I have offered that, repeatedly. The boys I have spoken to said they did not want, they wanted to come directly to my place. One boy was upset that I did not want
to take him at once my 24/7 slave if he came.

quote:


You're doing everything to ensure that that's exactly what will happen.


It seems you have a reading comprehension problem.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Really Need Help Finding Gay Male Slave - 12/14/2016 12:28:55 PM   
bostonpolarbear


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/8/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka

Perhaps you're talking too much.


Perhaps I do. I would rather be clear and accurate then have things confused, misunderstood, or never said.

. . .



(in reply to tamaka)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Really Need Help Finding Gay Male Slave - 12/14/2016 12:42:39 PM   
bostonpolarbear


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/8/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

Step away from the computer and go spend some time at The Ramrod or The Eagle.


Been there; done that. I found bars boring. I have no problem with mixing with a crowd when I want to, a bar does not make me want to.

Now I don't have a car. Cannot afford (literally) taxis. The MBTA would only be practical for a bar in the afternoon (as getting back as I need to take a bus) so that
is a possibility. Especially since bars during the day tend to be very different than at night.

Need to check the MBTA Trip Planner.
. . .


(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Really Need Help Finding Gay Male Slave - 12/14/2016 12:43:48 PM   
bostonpolarbear


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/8/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick
quote:

What am I doing wrong???

Oh that's easy, you're looking online.


Oh, that explains why you are here.

. . .


(in reply to ThatDizzyChick)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Really Need Help Finding Gay Male Slave - 12/14/2016 2:03:41 PM   
ThatDizzyChick


Posts: 5490
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bostonpolarbear


quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick
quote:

What am I doing wrong???

Oh that's easy, you're looking online.


Oh, that explains why you are here.

. . .



Sorry man, but I'm not looking.

You know what I find funny, you say you need help, and then reject any help offered. Go you, enjoy your solitude.

_____________________________

Not your average bimbo.

(in reply to bostonpolarbear)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Really Need Help Finding Gay Male Slave - 12/14/2016 2:27:39 PM   
Wayward5oul


Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bostonpolarbear


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Remember the advice given to do a first meet in a public place? You don't want to hear it. You want the guy to show up at your place, snd strip naked on the first meet.


Hello???

I have offered that, repeatedly. The boys I have spoken to said they did not want, they wanted to come directly to my place. One boy was upset that I did not want
to take him at once my 24/7 slave if he came.

quote:


You're doing everything to ensure that that's exactly what will happen.


It seems you have a reading comprehension problem.


After reading the info you provided, I have to say that DarkSteven is on point.

You asked for advice, whether or not you take it is up to you, but apparently what you are doing is not working, so you might want to listen to some of the advice you asked for.

(in reply to bostonpolarbear)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Really Need Help Finding Gay Male Slave - 12/14/2016 2:28:53 PM   
Wayward5oul


Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bostonpolarbear


quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick
quote:

What am I doing wrong???

Oh that's easy, you're looking online.


Oh, that explains why you are here.

. . .



Dude, not everyone is here looking for partners. Lots of other reasons to be here.

(in reply to bostonpolarbear)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Really Need Help Finding Gay Male Slave - 12/14/2016 2:44:00 PM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline
I waded thru your opening post.
I even sneaked at your profile.

My first reaction??? Jesus H fucking Christ!!!
Far too wordy.
Too rigid.
Too many rules and demands.

...and that's BEFORE you get to meet!

Then the "interview" sounds more like the Spanish Inquisition than an informal and friendly chat to see where the land lies.
You aren't being 'clear and accurate', you are sounding like a belligerent bully waiting to pounce with a more than a laundry list for your slave to 'pass' before he gets to see what he's in for.

Even if I were really looking and feeling really desperate - I'd run a mile from you.


Need help??
Ditch the total despot authoritarian attitude.
Throw away the initiation ceremony before they get their foot in the door.
Don't make your slave feel like they need to pass the ordeal of 'cuts by 1000 knives'.
And above all.... treat them like PEOPLE first!!


_____________________________

If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.
George Orwell, 1903-1950


(in reply to bostonpolarbear)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Really Need Help Finding Gay Male Slave - 12/14/2016 3:24:35 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bostonpolarbear


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Remember the advice given to do a first meet in a public place? You don't want to hear it. You want the guy to show up at your place, snd strip naked on the first meet.


Hello???

I have offered that, repeatedly. The boys I have spoken to said they did not want, they wanted to come directly to my place. One boy was upset that I did not want
to take him at once my 24/7 slave if he came.



The facts:

1) Reasonable, sane, real people do not meet strangers they have met on the internet for a first time alone in an apartment, to immediately get naked, and undergo an undisclosed 'test' of a sexual and submissive nature. They... do... not... do... that.

2) The boys you talk to online all claim that they DO want to meet you for a first time under such circumstances, and are disappointed when you propose meeting in a public place instead.

3) The boys you talk to online do not actually show up for offline meetings, and seem more interested in talking about submission (and sex) online at length, instead of actually meeting you.

Hmmm... wait... no... it can't be! Is it possible there's a connection between those 3 facts???

Why yes, yes there is a connection... reasonable sane people, will not respond to your profile, or emails, or talk to you online, as soon as it becomes clear that you want to conduct such a 'test', alone in your apartment, without them having the chance to get to know you first. As such, you have no experience at all talking to people who might actually show up.

People who have no interest in actually meeting offline though, and who are only online looking for some hot fantasies to which they can jerk off, they don't mind that you have totally unrealistic expectations about a first meeting, because they've got no interest in meeting you anyways. In fact, it's rather appealing to them that you have such unrealistic expectations about a first meeting, because it adds to their fantasies.

Kink fantasies are supposed to be a little bit dangerous and unrealistic. It adds to their charm. Actual real life logistics aren't sexy. Talking about meeting in a coffee shop with nothing happening isn't sexy. Talking about courting somebody is safe places, going on vanilla dates for a while before starting to do the whole kinky test alone in the apartment isn't sexy.

So of course, somebody who is just looking for a good fantasy to wank to isn't going to be interested discussing those realistic logistics with you. Of course they're going to be super into the idea of you testing them (or enslaving them on a first date). Thinking about that is hot! And it's not like they're actually going to meet you anyways, so it's not like they have to be concerned about it being dangerous, etc, etc. Realistic considerations like 'this dude might chain me to the bed and cut me into pieces with an ax' don't need to be considered when you're just fantasizing, because it won't happen in your fantasy anyways (unless you want it to).

Meanwhile, all the people who ARE interested in meeting other people offline are staying clear from your profile, and stop communicating with you as soon as they hear about this unrealistic 'test' you've got planned. Why?
Because it reeks just a little bit too much like: 'this dude might chain me to the bed and cut me into pieces with an ax' to them to be comfortable with.
There's all kinds of weirdos and freaks online ya know. Best not to talk to them. Best not to provoke them... you might end up with some psycho stalker if you do.
That's how people who are actually interested in meeting other people think... and you are setting off all kinds of red flags that make those people avoid you like the plague.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to bostonpolarbear)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Really Need Help Finding Gay Male Slave - 12/14/2016 9:48:17 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bostonpolarbear


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Remember the advice given to do a first meet in a public place? You don't want to hear it. You want the guy to show up at your place, snd strip naked on the first meet.


Hello???

I have offered that, repeatedly. The boys I have spoken to said they did not want, they wanted to come directly to my place. One boy was upset that I did not want
to take him at once my 24/7 slave if he came.

quote:


You're doing everything to ensure that that's exactly what will happen.


It seems you have a reading comprehension problem.



I apologize. I obviously missed in the following text: They want to know exactly what will happen when they meet me. I tell them they will strip naked once the enter my apartment and kneel in front of me and
we will talk to interview each other. I will likely give them some tests of obedience -- which they want to do, but, hello! TESTS. I want to see how you react
to test your potential as a slave without you being able to plan ahead. want to know exactly what will happen when they meet me. I tell them they will strip naked once the enter my apartment and kneel in front of me and
we will talk to interview each other. I will likely give them some tests of obedience -- which they want to do, but, hello! TESTS. I want to see how you react
to test your potential as a slave without you being able to plan ahead.
how you clearly stated that these prospective slaves demanded a meetup at your place, and how you, as the helpless Master, were forced to accede to their demands.



_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to bostonpolarbear)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Really Need Help Finding Gay Male Slave - 12/17/2016 1:34:01 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
You asked for help and were immediately dismissive of the help that was offered.

People gave of their time in replying to your question.
Your responses have been rude and lacking in gratitude.

What are you doing wrong?
You seem to be the common denominator.

I met someone here in 2009.
He emailed me on His first or second day here.

We talked via cmail and met for a very vanilla lunch a few weeks later.
Long story short: we are still together.
I am His slave.
I wasn't looking to be anyone's slave.
I became His slave.

The specificity of that is important.

Maybe in looking for a slave you have missed out on that.
There is a difference between being a slave and being your slave.

Also, maybe you should think about compatibility instead of focusing on kink so much.
Especially for something 24/7 to work, you have to be compatible as people.

Best wishes.

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 12/17/2016 1:35:32 PM >


_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to bostonpolarbear)
Profile   Post #: 19
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