tamaka
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quote:
ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
quote:
ORIGINAL: tamaka
My Master asked me this question recently and it really got stuck in my head for some reason. I think it's because for so long i didn't let myself feel much of anything at all. At the moment i was in very deep need... i didn't really answer Him but i think it made me more desiring to fulfill His needs while He created such deep needs in me. I guess maybe i'm over- thinking it but i wonder if we become dispassionate towards one another when either all of our needs are met for a while (we probably take it for granted) or when our needs haven't been met so long that we just harden up so we can't feel anything negative resulting from unmet needs.
The feeling you're describing, that deep burning, aching feeling in your belly, like there's mini explosions going on that wash over you in waves, like ripples of tingling that ride over your entire body, and localize much heavier in your lower abdomen. That sensation of so much longing to please him that you feel like you physically want to 'melt' into him, and you end up finding yourself clawing at the furniture by merely thinking about him while you're doing your household chores, bucking your hips, feeling you might explode from how happy, overwhelmed, and longing you feel... that's not what a 'need' feels like, that's full sexual arousal in a female.
Yes, I know that Norman describes it as 'being in need'. Yes, I know it probably happens to you more often outside of the bedroom, whilst serving him, than inside the bedroom when you're actually engaging in sexual activity (it's even possible you've never actually felt like that at all while engaging in sexual activity and the only time you experience it is while in non-sexual service to him). Because it happens to you whilst serving in non-sexual settings, instead of being provoked by things that ought to turn you on, you probably don't associated it with sexual arousal, but arousal is still what it is.
It's not 'being needy'. Well, at least not in the sense that immediate sexual fulfillment isn't essential for you to actually deal with that feeling of being aroused, because leaving it unfulfilled for a while actually heightens the state.
If your Master is proficient at reading you, and has and interest in doing so, he can can get you to the point where you'll feel like that pretty much all the time you're not sick or totally stressed out. Though doing so is a bad idea if you work outside of his home, because it can be very distracting when dealing with any task that's not somehow directly related to serving him.
Being actually needy, or in need, or having a need, feels nothing like that. Needs are things that are essential for our well-being, without which we are somehow in danger, or cannot function optimally. You need food, water, shelter, psychological security, physical shelter from the elements, etc, etc.
Maslow's hierarchy of needs, whilst a little outdated, is still a good basis for understanding the topic.
Even though sexual fulfillment, in a general sense, is definitely a need people have, it doesn't exist as acutely as you're perceiving it, because what you're experiencing isn't the acute need to have your sexual desire fulfilled, but the stages of being aroused, which will eventually lead to a need to have your sexual desires fulfilled.
Actual needs, when unfulfilled, don't lead somebody to feel all happy and fluttery like you're experiencing from being aroused. Leaving an actual need unfulfilled will make somebody cranky, stressed, tense and unfocused. Your brain will start spending all it's mental energy on figuring out how to fulfill the need, and leave little space for anything else, which will result in you being clumsy, irritable, and short of temper when attempting to deal with anything that isn't directly related to fulfilling that need.
It's how people end up feeling when they're tired, and need sleep. Or hungry, and need food. Or feel unsafe, and need security. Or feel excluded, and need positive social interaction. Etc, etc.
So the answer to your question: "How does it feel to need?", is: "cranky, annoyed, and frustrated".
It's just not the answer you were looking for, because you're mistaking your arousal for 'feeling in need'.
Your arousal is making you feel longing, which is the feeling people get when they desire something they don't actually need. People long for ice cream. They long to go see the movie they want to see. They long to spend time relaxing doing an enjoyable activity with friends. They long for positive experiences that make them feel good, or happy in some way. Your arousal causes you to long to make your Master happy, so you can share the joy you're experiencing with him, which translates in a desire both for him in and of itself (his time, and nearness) as well as a desire to please and serve him.
When trying to explain to him what you're feeling like, compare it to something he wanted really bad (new iPhone if he's a tech geek, new car, buying a new house, doing some extreme sport such as bungee jumping) and the thrill, exhilaration and feeling of "I'm so excited and happy I feel like I'm going to jump out of my own skin" that came with it. That's basically what you're experiencing, only you're doing it for hours on end, days in a row, instead of having a short burst of it in relation to some specific unusual event.
It's quite enjoyable really, and probably not something he's capable of experiencing other than as a snapshot. The female body really is a wonderful thing...
quote:
ORIGINAL: tamaka
Maybe those of us who are into bdsm- type things would be more sensitive to this topic because they are more self- aware?
BDSM-types are not more self-aware than vanilla people.
You have a mistaken perception that they are, because you don't engage in type type of pop-psychology discussions with vanilla people on a regular basis, and you do do so with kinksters.
You are on message boards, talking about this stuff, which creates a bias, because the other people on this thread who are here to talk to you about it all have in common that they're also kinksters who are interested in talking about pop-psychology online.
Likewise, when you talk to people about your relationship in general, you're biased towards other kinksters who have an interested in exploring the what's and how's of how M/s relationships function.
There's a whole group of kinksters who have no interest in pop-psychology (and whom you wouldn't classify as being 'more self-aware') whom you don't interact with, because they're not drawn to discuss the same topics which you like to discuss.
Likewise, there's a whole lot of vanilla people out there who equally like to discuss and explore stuff like this, whom you never interact with, because they don't frequent the same message boards and social groups you do, and don't discuss the same topics and types of relationship you do.
All this is resulting in you having a biased view, in which is seems like kinksters are super introspective, deep-thinkers, and above averagely selfaware, while vanilla's don't engage in introspection, and just randomly do whatever they feel like, without attempting to explore the what's and why's, when it truth all you've done is described the fact that you like to interact with self-aware kinksters. In your assessment, you're ignoring all the self-aware vanilla's, as well as the non-self-aware kinksters, because you're not drawn to interaction with them, and thus don't have as much exposure to them as you do to self-aware kinksters.
Thank you for taking the time to respond. You always put things into words so well i always wish i could say things as clearly as you do. You described it all so well, and it is really all new to me.. and honestly i didn't have a clue that my body could be in the state that He keeps me... and it just amazes me. I feel like all of my life i've been a snowman and now i am a wonderful melting puddle. And you're right.... it happens when i do menial tasks for Him... like washing the floor on my hands and knees as He told me to. It's just... amazing.
You're right... this forum is my only 'Online life' besides an occasional Facebook post. I don't even know how much i belong here either because the 'Kink' that everyone talks about really doesn't apply to me and my relationships although some of the activities involved are similar... so as much as i want to find likeminded people, i really don't know where that is. The old Gorean forums seem to be all gone now. I am thankful that at least that helped me find my path, i miss not having that group around anymore.
Thanks again.
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