ManWithFlamingPi
Posts: 3
Joined: 11/23/2012
Status: offline
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Hi, everyone. I could really use some advice. I've been seeing someone for over a year. We have a really good relationship, and we have been working with each other to make sure that we are keeping each other satisfied and happy. She has been giving me lots of books and articles about female sexuality, OMing, and orgasms, and I've learned a lot about what she likes and what activities lead to her having some lovely orgasms. Plus, she isn't shy about telling me what she likes, so that's been really helpful. Her natural assertiveness and high level of communication skills naturally flow right into my subbie head and allow me to fantasize even during straight sex simply because she is so forthright about what she wants.
Without ever being "in the scene," I've been a female domination fetishist for most of my life. For me, it's more of a fantasy thing rather than wanting to be her actual RL sub or slave whenever we're home or together. Vanilla in the streets, subbie in the sheets? Well, that's me. I mean, I am the one who cleans up in the relationship, but it's not a subbie thing. She cooks, I clean.
I told her right away that I was a sub, and she has been interested in including femdom in our sex life. She bought some bondage stuff for my birthday, and that was way cool. She is also interested in using a strapon, which is one of my big fetishes.
I am looking for reasonably intelligent, decent femdom porn, books, or articles to share with her by way of showing her what's in my head. I don't feel comfortable telling her exactly what to do and/or say, as that just seems really rote and mechanical, and altogether NOT subbie.
What I'm looking for are some resources that I can give her the same way she's been helping me understand her needs. But all of the femdom porn I've seen has at least one of the following "dealbreakers" for me:
Too much verbal abuse. That would freak her out. The videos where the sub is called "Pig, dog, scum, etc" in an angry voice are not for us. Having a more loving, sensual approach is what she is up for. Lots of talking, even a little humiliation as in being clearly put in my place, but not in an abusive way. You know, the more affectionate stuff that just reinforces the power exchange.
Too much physical abuse and pain. I'm not a maso, she's not a sado. She is okay with a little nipple pinching or light light light CBT (which I like), but she doesn't want to slap, spank, whip, spit, etc. She tried slapping my face during sex a few times, which I like and had asked for, but it made her feel bad and we stopped.
No homophobia. So many of the strapon videos have those kind of slurs in them. We have gay family and really don't like it when someone uses the word "faggot" or the like.
Hopefully, you get the idea. I saw "Bend Over Boyfriend," which is like 25 years old or something, but that's the best thing I've seen so far, and even that has some homophobic stuff. Does anyone have any suggestions for videos (preferably) but also books, links, or articles that talk about femdom for couples who aren't going to be lifestyle? And maybe stuff that isn't totally creepy or obviously written by men posing as women? We both middle aged, nice people who love each other and want to please each other and aren't lifestyle. I'm hoping that there is some stuff out there for people like us.
Thanks for the help!
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I could use some advice, please - 
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