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Mavis -> RE: Do nice guys and women reallly finish last? (7/25/2006 8:46:15 AM)
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i have this great essay on "Nice guys" that i send the guys that whine to me about how nice guys finish last. (Excerpted and linked below)
If a girl has been telling you "You're really nice...but.." it means "You're just so fishing above your league, and I don't want to embarrass you, but I'm not interested, move along."
The guys who are actually "nice" don't call themselves that, or use it as the excuse why they can't seem to compete with the other boys. They're what we girls call "Decent, solid men". The same arms that can wrestle steel girders in place can hold a baby with gentle care. They play hard, Fuck hard, and by god, they hold the remote. lol.
Mister is a big althletic looking type, but He's so unassuming, He draws women's attention. He does it by making everyone he talks to feel like they're the only person in the room. He caters to His friends, He makes my coffee, He loathes most of the dominant men that do the chest beating type of "Projecting Dominance" posturing. He's a John Walton kind of guy.
Master is smaller frame, is completly anal, has an ego that makes me want to roll my eyes sometimes, but He again is a John Walton kind of guy. He has also been known to bring me, His slave, coffee. That endeared Mister to Him, and how They became friends. He doesn't do the posturing either. Oh, and his eyes can light up like a child when He's talking aobut something important to Him.
Both have a certain "Softness of Soul" that sets me at ease and brings me peace, yet they have passion! They can draw out my energetic playful side, or settle my spirit and make me feel restful. "Nice guys" feel like a drain on my spirit. they project neediness, and seem like they're just waiting for that rejection because they're "too nice".
this essay is just a riot! http://lauragoodwin.org/niceguys.htm
Excerpt:
"I frequently catch vanilla guys making snide remarks like: "assholes get all the girls". This is a way of saying nice guys finish last, but saying it in a way that makes it look like it's the women's fault - like we have bad taste in men, or something. BDSM men also sometimes fall prey to this muddle.
Here's the straight story. When nice guys finish last, it's not because they are nice, but in spite of it. Being nice is no help if you...
...Are too nice to raise your voice and take a stand. Never having anything to say and never taking sides is a great way to be invisible, but it's not a great way to get noticed and appreciated.
...Are too nice to impose yourself on a woman's attention. Never telling her you like her, never asking her out, is not exactly going to send her the message that you think she's special.
...Don't believe in being phony, like dressing up just to look handsome. Many "nice guys" honestly believe that Ms. Right will love them even when they show her no special respect. Look, acting as if she's no big deal will NOT impress her favorably.
...Do not hunt for her. Too bad if getting up and going out for the express purpose of meeting likely women is repellent to you. Think about how unlikely it is that she will come hunting for you...especially if she doesn't know where you are or why she should bother.
...Do not compete for her. If you back off the second any other male shows active interest in the woman, then you are basically ~letting the asshole win~. If a woman looks around, and the only guy that shows any sustained interest in her is the asshole, then what choice have you given her?
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