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pmsj1644 -> Your submission (4/2/2017 4:08:27 PM)
What do most subs want? It's still hard to find, as I'm a Dom, a lady who would act as my sub. some are afraid, some want to take it step-by-step. Agreed. Where's the happy medium, r do you want the hard approach (as long as you're safe of course) or very soft to start with? What is the best way to attract any of you to a Dom?

ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Your submission (4/2/2017 4:31:28 PM)
quote: What do most subs want? To fulfill their wants and desires in they individually feel most comfortably doing so. As individuals.

DannyIsNotWelcom -> RE: Your submission (4/29/2017 2:11:37 PM)
It needs to click, from the very beginning. There must be something only you can give her. (Otherwise, unless you are engaging in illegal activities, you have no leverage.) Find out what that is. Experiment. That is the carrot. During that, acquaint her with the stick (me being a strapping young lad, Master and I prefer it in the literal sense, beware of psychological punishments, they can turn out to be way harsher than intended.) When you have both in your arsenal then you can - provided you're not an asshole - really call the shots. And believe me, that's what I want and why I would go down on my knees to kiss my Master's feet if he would only allow it.

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: Your submission (4/29/2017 2:21:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pmsj1644 What do most subs want? It's still hard to find, as I'm a Dom, a lady who would act as my sub. some are afraid, some want to take it step-by-step. Agreed. Where's the happy medium, r do you want the hard approach (as long as you're safe of course) or very soft to start with? What is the best way to attract any of you to a Dom? Typical clueless dominant. Treat people as people first, as individuals; not a conveyor belt of objects to select. Kink is no different to vanilla in that regard. I have never understood why people (on both sides of the kneel) seem to think that the normal rules go out the window and don't apply because it's kink-related. Everyone is an individual - treat them as such. Get to know them as a person. Respect them, as people. Talk to them. Woo them. Only when you have both agreed to an arrangement can you treat it any differently.

DannyIsNotWelcom -> RE: Your submission (4/29/2017 3:46:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1 quote: ORIGINAL: pmsj1644 What do most subs want? It's still hard to find, as I'm a Dom, a lady who would act as my sub. some are afraid, some want to take it step-by-step. Agreed. Where's the happy medium, r do you want the hard approach (as long as you're safe of course) or very soft to start with? What is the best way to attract any of you to a Dom? Typical clueless dominant. Just because you find out that you like to dominate people doesn't mean that you were born with leadership qualities.

peppermint -> RE: Your submission (4/29/2017 3:55:11 PM)
First a Dom should be able to explain what the Dom seeks in a submissive or slave. Is the Dom looking for a LTR? Is the Dom seeking someone for bedroom only play? Does the Dom wish to control a submissive's life outside of the bedroom and in what areas? What activities are important to the Dom and potential deal breakers if the submissive is not into them such as bondage, wax, fireplay, etc? If a LTR relationship is sought, is the Dom willing to take the time to date and get to know before BDSM type play? Communication is key. Someone has to be able to read what you wrote and understand it. In your profile you wrote "Limits respected but the better the slave, or sub, the better the experience". Does this mean if you meet with a lady and the experience isn't good, it's all her fault as she is not a good slave or submissive? Does this mean that a slave or submissive with few limits is better in some way? I'm really confused as to your meaning and I would guess that any potential submissive or slave reading your profile would also be puzzled. Anyway, the sentence is almost a red flag. I agree with what freedomdwarf wrote.

DannyIsNotWelcom -> RE: Your submission (4/29/2017 4:21:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: peppermint First a Dom should be able to explain what the Dom seeks in a submissive or slave. That is so terribly wrong. How can you possibly serve someone if your first act is to try to make him/her explain themselves? Just not logical. Of course, a subbie cannot be expected to read minds but when he/she gets it wrong and gets punished for it, well that's the way the cookie crumbles. For everything else watch the Cosby show.

DesFIP -> RE: Your submission (4/29/2017 7:14:50 PM)
Sorry, that attitude would make me walk. If he can't explain how he likes his coffee and decides to punish me for getting it wrong, that's his bad. Communication skills are essential, not optional.

NoirMetal -> RE: Your submission (4/29/2017 7:22:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DannyIsNotWelcom quote: ORIGINAL: peppermint First a Dom should be able to explain what the Dom seeks in a submissive or slave. That is so terribly wrong. How can you possibly serve someone if your first act is to try to make him/her explain themselves? Just not logical. Of course, a subbie cannot be expected to read minds but when he/she gets it wrong and gets punished for it, well that's the way the cookie crumbles. For everything else watch the Cosby show. The sub needs to know if she is getting involved with a sane person. She needs to know he is not a liar. And no one who has done this meat world would punish a girl for not doing something she was not informed of. Your words scream "Fantasy idiot" in big letters dude. Have you ever actually dated a sub real time?

DaddySatyr -> RE: Your submission (4/29/2017 11:05:07 PM)
It's a tad difficult to figure out if you're talking about the dynamic or the physical activities. In fact, it seems to me (after several readings) that you might be conflating the two? I'm going to break this down and take it quite literally in an effort to try and help and give advice on what each sentence/question seems to be about: quote: ORIGINAL: pmsj1644 What do most subs want? This really can't be answered except in very broad terms. "Most subs" (or, submissive people) want to find a person in whom they trust enough to be able to abdicate their will to the will of that dominant. quote: ORIGINAL: pmsj1644 It's still hard to find, as I'm a Dom, a lady who would act as my sub. Well, I may be putting too fine a point on it, but I don't want ladies to "act as my sub". I want ladies that see qualities in me to which they want to submit or from which they want to learn or grow. quote: ORIGINAL: pmsj1644 some are afraid, some want to take it step-by-step. Agreed. Where's the happy medium, r do you want the hard approach (as long as you're safe of course) or very soft to start with? Yes, most submissives (if they're smart) don't want to just dive right in. They want to take their time. Happy medium? There is none, for me. If she is "dragging her feet" by my estimation, she's not the right fit for me. I guess for me, it is always "the hard approach". I want what I want, when I want it and anyone that can't keep up can eat my dust. quote: ORIGINAL: pmsj1644 What is the best way to attract any of you to a Dom? My best advice is don't try to attract a submissive. If you're worried about what you can do to attract a submissive, aren't you kind of changing yourself to suit their wants? NEVER change yourself (that advice goes for submissives, as well). Go about your business, living your life, being the best person you can be and wait until a submissive notices what it is you have to offer. You'll know when someone has taken a shine to you. Michael

peppermint -> RE: Your submission (4/29/2017 11:33:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DannyIsNotWelcom quote: ORIGINAL: peppermint First a Dom should be able to explain what the Dom seeks in a submissive or slave. That is so terribly wrong. How can you possibly serve someone if your first act is to try to make him/her explain themselves? Just not logical. Of course, a subbie cannot be expected to read minds but when he/she gets it wrong and gets punished for it, well that's the way the cookie crumbles. For everything else watch the Cosby show. My first act would be to get to know the dominant before any play, service, or submissive would take place. I want to know what that dominant expects. I want to know in what direction the dominant expects any relationship to go. If the dominant is so lacking in communication skills that what is expected is up in the air, it's time for the submissive to say "bye, have a nice day. Get back to me when you learn to communicate." If the dominant can't even tell a submissive if he/she is seeking a LTR or a one night stand, then it's time for any submissive to head for the door. Getting punished because a dominant lacks communication skills is not in the picture.

DesFIP -> RE: Your submission (4/30/2017 7:22:26 AM)
If he believes that being dominant to me means he can order my kids around, that's not going to end well. Nor him not being honest and upfront about being poly and instead doing a bait and switch. In order for me to submit, I have to respect him. And I cannot respect those who lack basic interpersonal skills like clear communication not those who lie, deceive and manipulate.

kiwisub22 -> RE: Your submission (4/30/2017 9:25:16 AM)
A dominant has to know what he/she wants. Then they have to be able to tell prospective subs what these wants are. Way back when I first looked for a dom, I met Himself at a bookshop and we talked. He told me his idea of a D/s relationship, and what it entailed and I decided that this was something I could do and wanted to do. We also talked about music, books, travels, education and what we saw as a future. In other words, we had a typical first date - with a few extras. There wasn't any pushing or coming on strong on his part. Now, the second date was a different story, because his philosophy was to start as he meant to go on, so I was into the submissive mind set right off the get-go. And at any time I could have said "stop, this isn't what I want". Or "if it pleases you Sir" if there was something I wanted to talk about.

Kittry -> RE: Your submission (4/30/2017 9:37:23 AM)
I am a Dom and I prefer to feel my sub out before jumping into anything more. Trust is a vital part on both sides and I crave that part of the relationship. My precious pet knowing I will never give him more than he can handle.

LadyPact -> RE: Your submission (4/30/2017 9:56:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pmsj1644What do most subs want? It's still hard to find, as I'm a Dom, a lady who would act as my sub. some are afraid, some want to take it step-by-step. Agreed. Where's the happy medium, r do you want the hard approach (as long as you're safe of course) or very soft to start with? What is the best way to attract any of you to a Dom? So, you've decided that you're a Dom... <Insert big eyeroll, here> If you are busy worrying yourself about the s-type wants, you're not really the person in charge of the dynamic. YOU are fitting into what the other person wants. I see it the other way around. I know what I want in a dynamic. If somebody has the same wants? Great! If not, we have different ideas in mind. Ummm... Yeah. It's not that s-types are afraid of you. You're probably just a little man in a big world. Best advice? Be the person who could get a girlfriend, before you attempt to get a sub.

DannyIsNotWelcom -> RE: Your submission (5/1/2017 10:36:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kiwisub22 A dominant has to know what he/she wants. Then they have to be able to tell prospective subs what these wants are. And when the dom doesn't conform to the previously agreed upon terms of service you sue him/her.

DannyIsNotWelcom -> RE: Your submission (5/1/2017 10:44:34 AM)
People, I don't want to tell you what to do but if you call checking off items on a grocery list that was previously approved by you submission, what words are left if you do what you think your master wants you to do? The whip is a means of communication. It is not for the faint of heart but whether and when and how hard you get it sure tells you something.

kiwisub22 -> RE: Your submission (5/1/2017 2:12:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DannyIsNotWelcom quote: ORIGINAL: kiwisub22 A dominant has to know what he/she wants. Then they have to be able to tell prospective subs what these wants are. And when the dom doesn't conform to the previously agreed upon terms of service you sue him/her. Good grief! I hope you are being ironic, or funny, or something other than serious. If my Sir hadn't conformed to the previously agreed relationship, I rather think my first impulse would have been to talk to him. Then - some more. And if we couldn't agree on what sort of relationship we were to have TOGETHER, I would have left. Where suing comes in, I'm not sure.

peppermint -> RE: Your submission (5/1/2017 2:36:49 PM)
Danny, the OP is not in a relationship. He does not have a submissive. He just wants to know if there is anything he can do to attract a potential submissive. He's not going to start whipping some person he doesn't know. Some person who doesn't know him is not going to let him whip her. You don't start out with a whip. You start out with a "Hello, how are you?"

BitaTruble -> RE: Your submission (5/1/2017 2:38:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DannyIsNotWelcom what words are left if you do what you think your master wants you to do? Why are you thinking? He is supposed to be in your head. Quit doing what you "think" he wants and do what he actually wants. Words left? How about.. 'Yes, Master.' There's a couple free of charge for your use and to use in abundance. By the way.. why so cavalier about the effect punishing you may have on your Master. The pain it may cause him, the truble, the tennis elbow. Is that just the way the cookie crumbles, too?

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