I met a guy on here a little over a year ago. I truly believe he is my soul mate, I love him so much and he is an absolutely perfect owner for me. We are currently in a M/s relationship hoping to move into tpe.
The down side is, he's married. I thought it would work out great at first, as I'm a bit of a pet type and thought having extra attention would really work for me. As time has gone by, though, I've started to grow more and more jealous of her. I feel horrible about it as I know I'm being extremely selfish, which isn't right for a slave.
I'm suspecting that you probably aren't going to like me much by the time that I'd done. (Don't worry. You're not the only one.)
Personally, I'm wondering a bit about the "extra attention" bit, because there's nothing specific in your post that talks about having this feeling because you have a specific relationship with HER as more than a friend, metamour, etc. Is your M/s dynamic with him or with BOTH of them? Do you have an independent relationship with her that is a dynamic or romantically/emotionally based? If not, I'm wondering why you are expecting her to pay you this extra attention if your dynamic is really with HIM?
Depending on how the poly situation worked in your case, if your relationship was really with him, SHE shouldn't have been put in the position to fulfill your wants. Placing that expectation on her might have been fueling your jealousy.
It's gotten so bad that I moved in with them for a while and have since moved away to live with family because I "needed to get better". Honestly, I just couldn't handle the jealousy anymore and came up with whatever reason to get away. Now all I can think about is moving back ASAP, but I'm so worried I'll move back just to get jealous and selfish again and ruin everything.
Nothing you are saying in your post says that any of this will be 'better' if you recreate this situation by moving back in. You say it's what you think about. What do BOTH partners of the marriage say about the situation? Do BOTH of them sincerely want you back in their home? If you've been jealous and resentful, it's probably not going that way.
To make matters worse, I'm diagnosed ocd with relationship ocd. This makes it hard for me to determine what's a true problem in the relationship and what's just made up in my mind by my obsessions.
Yeah... No. What does your therapist say about this?
When people become obsessed with another human being? That's a major problem.
Honestly, I don't know what I'm looking for by posting here. Maybe just some personal experiences, maybe even a friend. I truly don't want to leave my master, but I don't know if I will ever be able to be poly. I don't want to make a mistake or hurt him...
There's no shame in not being poly. I'm inclined to say that you might be too needy. To this point, it's been all about you. Even with the smoke screen of the concern about him, it's really about you, because you are seeing what you feel as an interpretation of what HE feels. From what I'm reading, SHE is his primary partner. Where does she fit in regarding these things you have conjured up in your head?
I'm sorry if this post comes across as complaining or venting. I honestly have no friends right now (my bff is dealing with mental issues and is now homeless...). If any slaves on here in a similar relationship would like to be friends I'll gladly share my kik or text in PM. God knows I could use someone.
I'm voting for a professional. I'm kind of wondering if the term 'emotional vampire' might suit here. Most "friends," even those with similar experiences, would be coming forward, basically, to fix YOUR issues and be YOUR crutch. If you need to "use" someone in that capacity, that's not really a friend.
The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT
Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD
Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.
Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread