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Slave with married owners - 4/2/2017 9:22:21 PM   
Annikaskipper


Posts: 6
Joined: 2/29/2016
Status: offline
Hello,

I met a guy on here a little over a year ago. I truly believe he is my soul mate, I love him so much and he is an absolutely perfect owner for me. We are currently in a M/s relationship hoping to move into tpe.

The down side is, he's married. I thought it would work out great at first, as I'm a bit of a pet type and thought having extra attention would really work for me. As time has gone by, though, I've started to grow more and more jealous of her. I feel horrible about it as I know I'm being extremely selfish, which isn't right for a slave.

It's gotten so bad that I moved in with them for a while and have since moved away to live with family because I "needed to get better". Honestly, I just couldn't handle the jealousy anymore and came up with whatever reason to get away. Now all I can think about is moving back ASAP, but I'm so worried I'll move back just to get jealous and selfish again and ruin everything.

To make matters worse, I'm diagnosed ocd with relationship ocd. This makes it hard for me to determine what's a true problem in the relationship and what's just made up in my mind by my obsessions.

Honestly, I don't know what I'm looking for by posting here. Maybe just some personal experiences, maybe even a friend. I truly don't want to leave my master, but I don't know if I will ever be able to be poly. I don't want to make a mistake or hurt him...

I'm sorry if this post comes across as complaining or venting. I honestly have no friends right now (my bff is dealing with mental issues and is now homeless...). If any slaves on here in a similar relationship would like to be friends I'll gladly share my kik or text in PM. God knows I could use someone.

- Annika
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Slave with married owners - 4/3/2017 5:46:53 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
Alot of people.try to live a poly lifestyle and can't. Their is no shame in that. Just because you seek to live as a slave doesn't make you predisposed TO also be poly. The two are very different issues that can co-exist for a few and not for many.

I believe you need to wrap your head around what it means to live a poly lifestyle.before you even consider moving back with them. You can't force it or make it happen just because want to. Do some research on poly. Get books... read articles ... talk to poly people. Learn the good and the bad. Most of all you need to real honest and self aware with yourself.

I am a poly master. My alandra I marred 28 years ago this June. My Kyra has lived with me about ten years. I also have began another relationship with another beauty this past year, my maggie.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Annikaskipper)
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RE: Slave with married owners - 4/6/2017 5:38:37 PM   
Annikaskipper


Posts: 6
Joined: 2/29/2016
Status: offline
Thank you for your response, I'll definitely do some research. I guess at first it felt like two people means twice the love, but it's definitely not that way. I still have a lot to learn.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: Slave with married owners - 4/6/2017 8:27:48 PM   
ThatDizzyChick


Posts: 5490
Status: offline
Honestly? I'd say poly is not for you.

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RE: Slave with married owners - 4/6/2017 8:30:48 PM   
NoirMetal


Posts: 508
Joined: 3/20/2017
Status: offline
Not everyone can do poly and have a healthy emotional state. I sure as hell can't.

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RE: Slave with married owners - 4/6/2017 8:40:44 PM   
Annikaskipper


Posts: 6
Joined: 2/29/2016
Status: offline
I don't think it is either. I mean, i thought it was and i want to think i can do it to be with the man of my dreams, and i don't want to leave and hurt him. But i think if i move back we will fail because of me

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RE: Slave with married owners - 4/6/2017 8:42:35 PM   
NoirMetal


Posts: 508
Joined: 3/20/2017
Status: offline
You'll hurt him more if you end up creating drama that destabilizes his primary relationship.

Is he the only one you can ever find love with then?

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RE: Slave with married owners - 4/6/2017 8:47:08 PM   
Annikaskipper


Posts: 6
Joined: 2/29/2016
Status: offline
No.. I'm sure i could find someone else. I think I'm more worried about him finding someone else

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RE: Slave with married owners - 4/6/2017 8:58:34 PM   
NoirMetal


Posts: 508
Joined: 3/20/2017
Status: offline
None of us are responsible for the happiness of others,we can only seek our own. If it's not in you to be in a family situation where you can love the wife as much as him-poly is never going to work for you.

So if you are not worried about hurting HER-that is your answer already-leave.

_____________________________

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RE: Slave with married owners - 4/6/2017 9:49:53 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline
Poly wasnt for me. I dont think it ever will be, not with a married person anyway.
It doesnt seem that it will work for you Annika, no shame in it, but dont make things worse for everyone, make a clean break, it hurts like hell
But you will feel better in the end.
Just my 2 cents good luck

_____________________________

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<) )╯SUCH
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\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
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(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
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Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to NoirMetal)
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RE: Slave with married owners - 4/6/2017 11:58:58 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32561
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Annikaskipper

Hello,

I met a guy on here a little over a year ago. I truly believe he is my soul mate, I love him so much and he is an absolutely perfect owner for me. We are currently in a M/s relationship hoping to move into tpe.

The down side is, he's married. I thought it would work out great at first, as I'm a bit of a pet type and thought having extra attention would really work for me. As time has gone by, though, I've started to grow more and more jealous of her. I feel horrible about it as I know I'm being extremely selfish, which isn't right for a slave.

I'm suspecting that you probably aren't going to like me much by the time that I'd done. (Don't worry. You're not the only one.)

Personally, I'm wondering a bit about the "extra attention" bit, because there's nothing specific in your post that talks about having this feeling because you have a specific relationship with HER as more than a friend, metamour, etc. Is your M/s dynamic with him or with BOTH of them? Do you have an independent relationship with her that is a dynamic or romantically/emotionally based? If not, I'm wondering why you are expecting her to pay you this extra attention if your dynamic is really with HIM?

Depending on how the poly situation worked in your case, if your relationship was really with him, SHE shouldn't have been put in the position to fulfill your wants. Placing that expectation on her might have been fueling your jealousy.

quote:

It's gotten so bad that I moved in with them for a while and have since moved away to live with family because I "needed to get better". Honestly, I just couldn't handle the jealousy anymore and came up with whatever reason to get away. Now all I can think about is moving back ASAP, but I'm so worried I'll move back just to get jealous and selfish again and ruin everything.

Nothing you are saying in your post says that any of this will be 'better' if you recreate this situation by moving back in. You say it's what you think about. What do BOTH partners of the marriage say about the situation? Do BOTH of them sincerely want you back in their home? If you've been jealous and resentful, it's probably not going that way.

quote:

To make matters worse, I'm diagnosed ocd with relationship ocd. This makes it hard for me to determine what's a true problem in the relationship and what's just made up in my mind by my obsessions.

Yeah... No. What does your therapist say about this?

When people become obsessed with another human being? That's a major problem.

quote:

Honestly, I don't know what I'm looking for by posting here. Maybe just some personal experiences, maybe even a friend. I truly don't want to leave my master, but I don't know if I will ever be able to be poly. I don't want to make a mistake or hurt him...

There's no shame in not being poly. I'm inclined to say that you might be too needy. To this point, it's been all about you. Even with the smoke screen of the concern about him, it's really about you, because you are seeing what you feel as an interpretation of what HE feels. From what I'm reading, SHE is his primary partner. Where does she fit in regarding these things you have conjured up in your head?

quote:

I'm sorry if this post comes across as complaining or venting. I honestly have no friends right now (my bff is dealing with mental issues and is now homeless...). If any slaves on here in a similar relationship would like to be friends I'll gladly share my kik or text in PM. God knows I could use someone.

- Annika

I'm voting for a professional. I'm kind of wondering if the term 'emotional vampire' might suit here. Most "friends," even those with similar experiences, would be coming forward, basically, to fix YOUR issues and be YOUR crutch. If you need to "use" someone in that capacity, that's not really a friend.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Annikaskipper)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Slave with married owners - 4/7/2017 4:27:53 AM   
Cell


Posts: 409
Status: offline
I suggest kink friendly counsiling.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Slave with married owners - 4/7/2017 11:42:45 PM   
mythicalsex


Posts: 84
Joined: 1/30/2016
Status: offline
Thanks. I'll may avoid marriage.

(in reply to Cell)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Slave with married owners - 4/8/2017 12:14:07 PM   
tamaka


Posts: 5079
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Annikaskipper

Hello,

I met a guy on here a little over a year ago. I truly believe he is my soul mate, I love him so much and he is an absolutely perfect owner for me. We are currently in a M/s relationship hoping to move into tpe.

The down side is, he's married. I thought it would work out great at first, as I'm a bit of a pet type and thought having extra attention would really work for me. As time has gone by, though, I've started to grow more and more jealous of her. I feel horrible about it as I know I'm being extremely selfish, which isn't right for a slave.

It's gotten so bad that I moved in with them for a while and have since moved away to live with family because I "needed to get better". Honestly, I just couldn't handle the jealousy anymore and came up with whatever reason to get away. Now all I can think about is moving back ASAP, but I'm so worried I'll move back just to get jealous and selfish again and ruin everything.

To make matters worse, I'm diagnosed ocd with relationship ocd. This makes it hard for me to determine what's a true problem in the relationship and what's just made up in my mind by my obsessions.

Honestly, I don't know what I'm looking for by posting here. Maybe just some personal experiences, maybe even a friend. I truly don't want to leave my master, but I don't know if I will ever be able to be poly. I don't want to make a mistake or hurt him...

I'm sorry if this post comes across as complaining or venting. I honestly have no friends right now (my bff is dealing with mental issues and is now homeless...). If any slaves on here in a similar relationship would like to be friends I'll gladly share my kik or text in PM. God knows I could use someone.

- Annika


You know Annika, i was thinking... maybe you need a harsh punishment. Sometimes i just need a hard beating to help me get over myself. Maybe you need the same thing. That's what Masters are for (among other things).

(in reply to Annikaskipper)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Slave with married owners - 4/8/2017 1:06:20 PM   
Annikaskipper


Posts: 6
Joined: 2/29/2016
Status: offline
Lol I'm sure a beating would at least help some. Hard to get when I'm so far away right now though.

(in reply to tamaka)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Slave with married owners - 4/8/2017 1:26:40 PM   
tamaka


Posts: 5079
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Annikaskipper

Lol I'm sure a beating would at least help some. Hard to get when I'm so far away right now though.


Lol. Well my Master has a lakehouse in Michigan that He goes to a few times a year. I'm sure He'd be glad to help you out if you need it next time He's there! ;)

(in reply to Annikaskipper)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Slave with married owners - 4/14/2017 11:06:13 PM   
Annikaskipper


Posts: 6
Joined: 2/29/2016
Status: offline
I'm actually in north idaho right now, my owners are in Michigan but that does sound fun.... Now I'm thinking if we could find a dom in the area that wants to beat on a poor trans girl it might help, my owner could send me to them for punishment. I like your idea :)

(in reply to tamaka)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Slave with married owners - 4/15/2017 1:19:29 PM   
tamaka


Posts: 5079
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Annikaskipper

I'm actually in north idaho right now, my owners are in Michigan but that does sound fun.... Now I'm thinking if we could find a dom in the area that wants to beat on a poor trans girl it might help, my owner could send me to them for punishment. I like your idea :)


Yeah.... i've found that beatings solve most any problem for me. That and being put to hard use.

(in reply to Annikaskipper)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Slave with married owners - 7/11/2017 4:38:22 AM   
asub2b4u


Posts: 17
Joined: 1/3/2013
Status: offline
the only perspective that I can offer is my own. I have been a slave to Married Master's and Dom's before and yes it is certainly complicating. the jealousy creeps in, the longing intensifies and it ends up being p/t rather than f/t but given the chance would I go back and do it again - yes for each experience enriched me in some way.

I realized that they too were struggling with their complications and appreciated the time they made available for me

(in reply to Annikaskipper)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Slave with married owners - 7/17/2017 2:00:48 PM   
kiwisub22


Posts: 450
Joined: 7/16/2016
Status: offline
I'm going to go at it from another direction. I was the primary sub where my Sir bought in another woman.
I wasn't consulted, I didn't meet the woman before she was moving in, I was presented with a strange woman in my house. And I was ok with that. I knew my Sir was lonely when I was at work. Since I wanted him happy, I was ok with it.

The problem came in when I tried to interact with the woman. We literally had nothing in common, there was nothing for us to talk about - I loved to read, she loved day time soaps, I worked, she didn't and so on and so on. He wasn't expecting us to interact on a sexual level - because I'm about as straight as you get, but even if the relationship is a V, the three people should have some thing in common. At the end of the day there has to be more to a relationship than "Hi, how are you".

She didn't make my life easier - I was cleaning, shopping and cooking before she came and did the same while she was there, so for me, there was little advantage to having her in the house. It made my Sir happier for a while.

OP, you might think on some of this in relation to you. In a poly, I don't think you can solely concentrate on the dominant - the other person/people have to get something out of the relationship or it simply won't work, even if it is something as simple as companionship.


(in reply to asub2b4u)
Profile   Post #: 20
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