If you need to go, then go. No one wants to be in a mental hospital ward. If you're really so suicidal and ready to cut your penis off, fucking go to the hospital. If you take yourself, you get to choose what facility you go to. Otherwise, call 911 and they'll take you. Better yet, take yourself to an actual mental hospital to be admitted and skip the nonsense of an emergency room.
I have a mood disorder and have had depression most my life. I've been hospitalized for it on 4 occasions for various reasons. It took me at least 12 different meds over the past 20 years to find the combination that works for me, and we still adjust them as life happens. Traditional talk therapy didn't help me, which took several rounds for me to come to accept. Instead, the 12-step model was a godsend that made it all click. For the most part, I'm pretty alright even though I have suicidal thoughts here and there. Living takes work; that's what being an adult is.
Stop using these boards to manipulate people. It's shameful. People have given you all types of encouragement, practical suggestions, and advice. Your refusal to acknowledge
and accept that is juvenile. You're a 50+ year old adult, but you are acting like a moody teenager looking for attention. Mental illness does not give you free license to hold people emotionally hostage, especially when those people are being supportive and helpful. I have no doubt that you do not have a support system at this time. No rational person would put up with behavior like this, regardless of how much that person loves you. It is manipulative as fuck to keep droning on about suicidal wishes without accepting help.
Here, I will be one more person telling you to GO SEEK PROPER MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONALS. There are plenty of links in your multiple threads. Even if you weren't suicidal and threatening to cut off parts of your body you need to have, the trolling of this board and childish behavior would have to amount to some mental illness or other. So far people have been charitable. The CS boards can be a very unfriendly place. In short order people are going to turn ugly. Stop encouraging them.
Grow up. Get the help you need. Or don't, I don't care either way. Regardless, stop spamming the boards with your emotionally manipulative drivel.