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new to this - 4/3/2017 8:56:35 AM

blondpeanut

Posts: 3
Joined: 4/2/2017
Status: offline

hi I'm a domainant but thought I would ask here as well so I get both sides of things. i am very new to all this and don't know much about things or what I like yet. although I have always had and interest in domainant/submissive as a whole. I have never had the opportunity to explore it. my question is dose anyone have any suggestions, tips or things I should be aware of?

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RE: new to this - 4/3/2017 9:28:31 AM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

Hello and welcome!

My tips are:
1)take your time- go at whatever pace you're comfortable at
2) it's ok if you aren't into something- but don't trash others for being into it (unless it's illegal).
3) keep in mind fantasy vs reality. Porn vs reality. Your feelings vs. porn/fantasy.
4) find a partner who will go at the pace you want to go at and has the paitience to do so.
5) practice good listening skills. Both when taking advice and listening to a potential partners wants and needs.
6) learn about consent. It's important.
7) go to a munch or educational events (I don't do this much anymore personally- but they were great places to dip your toes in, for the most part).
8) learn about the physical limits of the human body (even more specifically- your own and your partners)
9) go look at the reading/book list on General BDSM section- find some.
10) learn how to take constructive criticism. Also know when someone is being straightforward and honest vs. bitchy and snarky.

I hope some Dommes come along with their two cents too- but those are my basics.

My partner was all new to everything when he met me. As a sub I let his interests guide us- and we found mutual interests together. Overall I'd say the most important thing to keep in mind is that no one else knows your relationship or yourself like you- and this can all be Taylored to whatever you end up liking there is no "one way"- so enjoy the ride and learning experiences.

(in reply to blondpeanut)

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RE: new to this - 4/6/2017 3:15:21 PM

kiwisub22

Posts: 450
Joined: 7/16/2016
Status: offline

Make friends with people in bdsm type lifestyles, or even friendly acquaintences - both submissive and dominant types.
I learned everything I know from my dominant - and my sweetie (sadist) learnt most of what he knows by experimenting with me. The fact that I knew for the most part what was safe, dangerous and/or unhygienic because of my previous experience make us a better safer couple.

Besides , you can't have too many friends.......

oh, and reading nonfiction is a great idea as well.

(in reply to shiftyw)

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RE: new to this - 4/6/2017 4:08:41 PM

DocStrange

Posts: 1076
Joined: 6/10/2015
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

Hello and welcome!

My tips are:
1)take your time- go at whatever pace you're comfortable at
2) it's ok if you aren't into something- but don't trash others for being into it (unless it's illegal).
3) keep in mind fantasy vs reality. Porn vs reality. Your feelings vs. porn/fantasy.
4) find a partner who will go at the pace you want to go at and has the paitience to do so.
5) practice good listening skills. Both when taking advice and listening to a potential partners wants and needs.
6) learn about consent. It's important.
7) go to a munch or educational events (I don't do this much anymore personally- but they were great places to dip your toes in, for the most part).
8) learn about the physical limits of the human body (even more specifically- your own and your partners)
9) go look at the reading/book list on General BDSM section- find some.
10) learn how to take constructive criticism. Also know when someone is being straightforward and honest vs. bitchy and snarky.

I hope some Dommes come along with their two cents too- but those are my basics.

My partner was all new to everything when he met me. As a sub I let his interests guide us- and we found mutual interests together. Overall I'd say the most important thing to keep in mind is that no one else knows your relationship or yourself like you- and this can all be Taylored to whatever you end up liking there is no "one way"- so enjoy the ride and learning experiences.

^this
I would also add communication is very important.
What are your expectations of the sub?
What are the subs expectations of you?
Are you both seeking the same things?
Talking after a session to discuss what each you liked, did not like
If you have not discussed something with the sub, then do not expect the sub to automatically know what you expect
Lots and lots of dialog :)

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(in reply to shiftyw)

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RE: new to this - 4/6/2017 8:30:26 PM

ThatDizzyChick

Posts: 5490
Status: offline

quote:

or what I like yet.

Take the time to figure that out before anything else.

_____________________________

Not your average bimbo.

(in reply to blondpeanut)

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RE: new to this - 4/17/2017 12:54:08 PM

Mistressmich2

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/17/2017
Status: offline

Hello I'm a dominant any sub who cares to chat mistress is ready to train...

(in reply to ThatDizzyChick)

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RE: new to this - 4/17/2017 1:07:48 PM

MsLadySue

Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline

Not too bright are you? This is a discussion forum, not the place for your personal ad.

Your CS profile says you're in NY yet your pic is on a site in the UK as Lady Sophia Black.

< Message edited by MsLadySue -- 4/17/2017 1:10:38 PM >

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In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
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(in reply to Mistressmich2)

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RE: new to this - 4/19/2017 9:54:15 AM

brightjones1234

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/19/2017
Status: offline

yeah.... we talk about this dear... just message me

(in reply to shiftyw)

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RE: new to this - 4/19/2017 6:23:58 PM

MsLadySue

Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline

Gee, 6' 1" and 75 lbs. things that make one go hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

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In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to brightjones1234)

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Post #: 9