Unlimited forgiveness

Unlimited forgiveness (Full Version)

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smileforme50 -> Unlimited forgiveness (4/5/2017 4:41:54 PM)
This doesnt pertain to JUST lifestyle situations I'm sure, but I'm sure it wouldnt be so bad if I didnt have a submissive personality. Anyway.... I was in a relationship with a Dom last year and it was pretty rocky. I kept telling myself that whatever issues we had were there because we were still getting to know each other, and we would work them out as time went on. Well, eventually it ended completely. What's driving me crazy about myself, is that there were several times that we split up, then a while later he would apologize (since he was always the one who wanted to split and always the one to initiate reconciliation)) and not only would I forgive him, but I wouldnt even feel angry toward him. The last time I went back to him, I told him that was going to be IT. If he wanted to split up again, I wasnt coming back. So when he wanted to end it again, I reminded him that was the last time, I left and now I live in another state and we won't be getting back together. What's prompting the question is that he has contacted me a few times....and while now I am much more closely guarded when talking to him.....I STILL talk to him. I know I should be mad as hell at him and tell him to fuck off....but not only do I not tell him to fuck off, I don't even really FEEL myself being angry. My brain says I should be mad as hell at him....but I'm not. Why am I not totally pissed off with this guy?????

tamaka -> RE: Unlimited forgiveness (4/5/2017 4:57:17 PM)
Because he's not worth it to you.

heavyblinker -> RE: Unlimited forgiveness (4/5/2017 9:51:26 PM)
Narcissistic abuse is probably involved.

smileforme50 -> RE: Unlimited forgiveness (4/5/2017 10:07:48 PM)
@heavyblinker. What do you mean? Please elaborate.

kiwisub22 -> RE: Unlimited forgiveness (4/6/2017 4:02:23 AM)
Perhaps you are an emotion stuffer. You get angry , it makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, so you stuff it down so far that you no longer feel it. Problem solved - for the minute. You might research codependent relationships as well. They're tricky things for submissive people, because it feels as if we're going what we should.

WickedsDesire -> RE: Unlimited forgiveness (4/6/2017 5:29:20 AM)
These relationships are destructive. One, sometimes both, of the two parties rejects the other, or is cruel to the other because of their personality/upbringing...the essence of who they are as a person. Cyclic/circular – love & hate, high & low. Even schadenfreude, for want of a better word, as misogynist is not the correct word here, nor is narcissism. Loneliness often comes into it as does addiction to cruelty, addiction to rejection, punishment, abuse etc. Sometimes all people desire is a destructive relationship – to be abused or an abuser. This never sits well with me.

DesFIP -> RE: Unlimited forgiveness (4/6/2017 10:59:44 AM)
Codependency. You were never taught that you deserved to have your boundaries respected. The opposite, in fact. And he trips the old buttons causing you to feel as you did then.

smileforme50 -> RE: Unlimited forgiveness (4/6/2017 1:26:06 PM)
So all this pertains to this situation even though I'm not looking to rekindle the relationship? I could understand what you all are saying if I actually got excited by his contact. But I don't ....I don't get excited and I don't get angry

tamaka -> RE: Unlimited forgiveness (4/6/2017 1:29:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: smileforme50 So all this pertains to this situation even though I'm not looking to rekindle the relationship? I could understand what you all are saying if I actually got excited by his contact. But I don't ....I don't get excited and I don't get angry See my post above. You really don't care about him. You can take him or leave him. Has nothing to do with codepency at all.

Nature417 -> RE: Unlimited forgiveness (4/18/2017 12:54:05 AM)
He must have something more in depth to his reasoning. In some occasions something powerful draws two people together but some type of limit, expectation or boundary is put in place that doesn't work for him. He may not see it but it seems to be there. Like, maybe he hates your politics. Then again, he could just be inept.

DesFIP -> RE: Unlimited forgiveness (4/19/2017 7:48:21 AM)
You are responding in the same way you've been conditioned to react. As long as he pushes those buttons, the emotional reaction occurs. How long a break was there without contact? It needs to be a minimum of six months, total no contact at all.

Greta75 -> RE: Unlimited forgiveness (4/21/2017 1:06:11 AM)
I think it's good that you feel nothing and not angry. I think you have simply chose acceptance that this is the way he is. And that's his choice. And your choice is not to live with it. But you have made peace with your choice.

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