Collarchat.com

Join Our Community
Collarchat.com

Home  Login  Search 

sub/slaves with disabilities


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> sub/slaves with disabilities Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
sub/slaves with disabilities - 4/30/2017 8:34:31 AM   
Tiagurl


Posts: 2
Joined: 4/26/2017
Status: offline
It seems that whenever I disclose to a potential Domme/Mistress that I have a disability, they immediately start to question whether I have the potential to serve them, even though I state to them that I am very capable of performing many tasks, just with some minor adjustments. Is it me or do most Dominant women want a sub/slave that is fully functional?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: sub/slaves with disabilities - 4/30/2017 9:13:22 AM   
kiwisub22


Posts: 450
Joined: 7/16/2016
Status: offline
Most people want a fully functioning mate - BDSM aside. It takes a special sort of person to even get to thinking of a person with a disability as a possible mate - because with all the usual crap to get past, you have the issues with the disability to address as well. Its not a reflection of the person with a disability, its a reflection of society and our disinclination to take on more "work" with a relationship.

It's not good or bad, it just is. And yes, it sucks to be the one with the disability.

My late dom was diagnosed with cancer after we had been together four years, and I stayed with him and took him into my home when we couldn't afford two houses because he couldn't work. I supported him financially because he couldn't work, and was proud to do it, because I loved him and had a hell of a relationship with him.

Would I have got together with him after his diagnosis? Hell NO! There is no way I would have put myself through that heartache and work, I would have run a mile... and he was still the same person, but his mortality was front and center. Most of us don't know the hour of our death, but he - and me - did know his.

I realize that most disabled people don't die faster than the general population, but to have a health issue is to raise the question. Sorry OP, but as someone with a disability, you are automatically handicapped in the relationship stakes for me, of I was looking

(in reply to Tiagurl)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: sub/slaves with disabilities - 4/30/2017 9:24:44 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32563
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tiagurl
It seems that whenever I disclose to a potential Domme/Mistress that I have a disability, they immediately start to question whether I have the potential to serve them, even though I state to them that I am very capable of performing many tasks, just with some minor adjustments. Is it me or do most Dominant women want a sub/slave that is fully functional?

Yes, I want an s-type that is fully functional.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Tiagurl)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: sub/slaves with disabilities - 4/30/2017 11:59:54 AM   
ExtraVaganza


Posts: 6
Joined: 9/23/2016
Status: offline
Dear Tiagurl!

It's not a reply to LadyPact - don't know why it states so, but..

It's not like "it sucks to be the one with disability" - what the hell? We are not talking about cancer and all the fatal diseases. Usually people with cancer do not engage in BDSM activity - they simply have no strength to perform a session.

Disability is quite common for subs and doms - not everybody is talking about it out loud. One of the main principles in BDSM is SAFETY, so high five for telling your health issues to your dom. Pro Dom will adjust a session accordingly to your health state. It requires a lot of discussion. I mean REALLY a lot. But it is possible. Disability is not a reason to cut off a person from all the perks life offers ;)

Have fun!

ExtraVaganza

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: sub/slaves with disabilities - 4/30/2017 5:53:20 PM   
Tiagurl


Posts: 2
Joined: 4/26/2017
Status: offline
I appreciate those of you that have answered my question so far, however I have to disagree with some of what was stated. Each disability is different and some are more noticeable than others. In my case, I am visually impaired. I became visually impaired at the age of 15, I am considered high partially sighted, meaning that most people are unaware that I even am visually impaired until I bring out the cane, no, not that kind of cane :-) I only use the cane when needed, such as when I need to smack someone's butt, lol. No, really I only use the cane when I am in unfamiliar places and do not want to end up falling off a cliff or walking into someone's fire play scene unaware that their is a flame about to torch my hair. So like I said, it all depends on the severity of the disability I would think. Using fully functional in my post might not have been the right word to use, more like a sub/slave with no disabilities. In a way though, when you come to think of it, almost everyone has some sort of disability, some more noticeable than others. kiwisub, you mentioned that your former Dom had cancer, I can understand how you feel in his case and that it can weaken a person, I too had cancer, I am a bladder cancer survivor, cancer free now, I just no longer have a bladder, but I am alive and that is what counts the most. Alive to be a useful and exceptional submissive. There is something that you may not realize or perhaps you do know but that is most, not all but most people with a disability work much harder in everything they do. As for me, I give more than one hundred percent in performing any task that is set before me and I enjoy it, especially when I am doing something for someone else, I am pleasing them and that makes me happy that I am doing so.

(in reply to ExtraVaganza)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: sub/slaves with disabilities - 5/1/2017 2:16:37 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32563
Status: offline
Disagree all that you like. It doesn't change my opinion.

No, not everyone is a little disabled. That's horse hockey.

I used to hire and fire people for living, but dating and dynamics are not the EEO


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Tiagurl)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: sub/slaves with disabilities - 5/3/2017 7:40:25 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact


I used to hire and fire people for living, but dating and dynamics are not the EEO




This is Very True ... the OP knows it, too! We all have learned it in our youth with the onset of puberty. Dating is all about sexual attraction, ability to relate, and all the stuff we generally call chemistry.

Of course chemistry is intended to communicate all the words we cant frame, anyway! ROFL

And those Words have NOTHING to do with EEQ, at all!








_____________________________

Got my second paddle! Finally! :-)

Heck I had one in 2010 .. now in 2013 another! Yes you can say, i am just a gifted slow learner!

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: sub/slaves with disabilities - 5/4/2017 12:43:32 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
For me, it depends entirely on the type of disability. There are some which wouldn't impact my desire to own somebody, because they would not stand in the way of the service I expected, and others which would.

One of the things I require from a submissive/slave is the ability to drive.
At the very least they need to be able to drive a car. And very preferably also a motorcycle.

There's other specific types of service I require which necessitate certain physical attributes.

Any disability which impedes a person's ability to perform these services would not be considered for my collar.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: sub/slaves with disabilities - 5/4/2017 6:50:39 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
And some D types have their own disabilities which doesn't always mesh with the s types.

I'm night blind so it's important to me that he can drive in the dark. In summer it doesn't matter, but in winter when dusk is at 4:30? Damn straight that matters.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: sub/slaves with disabilities - 5/5/2017 8:09:16 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5156
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tiagurl
Is it me or do most Dominant women want a sub/slave that is fully functional?


I believe that most Dominant women want a sub/slave who is compatible. For a long term relationship this would be having things in common such as enjoying the same types of hobbies or recreation. It would also include having similar goals in life. For a play relationship a Dominant woman would want a sub/slave who can be part of that play.

A Dominant would be more able to overlook any disabilities if he/she really likes the sub/slave. This means the sub/slave would wow the Dominant with great personality, with a wonderful sense of humor. The Dominant might find the sub/slave a person who is interesting to talk with, who has a point of view that is important, who is an all around nice person.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to Tiagurl)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: sub/slaves with disabilities - 5/17/2017 7:43:54 AM   
AnguissetteD


Posts: 32
Joined: 3/14/2016
From: Kent, UK
Status: offline
Honestly I think that provided there was compatibility with me in the areas that I cared about (Personality, trust, mutual interests and to less of a degree kinky "play") then most disabilities can be worked around for me and would not put me off a partner. I am also polyamorous which I accept may influence things.

I once played a lot with a bottom with epilepsy. Certainly there were types of play we didn't do (for example bondage and knife play) but we simply switched to things that we both enjoyed that we could do.

I also have health issues myself, I have controlled M.E. And some joint problems, I am also asthmatic and so I feel it would be somewhat hypocritical of me to disregard a potential partner purely on the basis of health.

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: sub/slaves with disabilities - 5/21/2017 8:23:15 PM   
DocStrange


Posts: 1076
Joined: 6/10/2015
Status: offline
I will not sugar coat it, to have a physical disability just plain sucks. But you must also respect a Domme not choosing you because of that disability also. You speak of serving the Domme with some minor adjustments. If your adjustments interfere with what the Domme needs are, sorry you two are just not compatible. Yes that sucks, but you have to deal with it. Move on to the next. I say this with some experience in the matter. I have had 2 back surgeries and 2 knee surgeries. I cannot kneel, and if by some chance I can get down on two knees I cannot stand back up. If a Domme is looking for a sub who is going to kneel at her feet all the time, guess what, that will not be me. I am mad she will not pick me? No, I move on. Similarly if the Domme expects me to jump out of bed in the morning and make her breakfast before I have a hot shower, that will not happen either. It takes me a good hour to be able to walk upright in the morning and a hot shower is a key component of that.

You are not the only one on the board with a disability. Many of us do. You just need to keep searching and not let it bother you. Do not worry about the people who do not accept you, worry about the one who do :)

_____________________________

Master of the Mystic Arts
Proprieter VerlieƟ Von Strange
Rubber Fetishist
SciFi Fanatic

(in reply to Tiagurl)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: sub/slaves with disabilities - 12/14/2022 5:27:35 PM   
Byrdie


Posts: 51
Joined: 7/14/2008
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tiagurl

It seems that whenever I disclose to a potential Domme/Mistress that I have a disability, they immediately start to question whether I have the potential to serve them, even though I state to them that I am very capable of performing many tasks, just with some minor adjustments. Is it me or do most Dominant women want a sub/slave that is fully functional?


Yes, they probably do.

However, if you're addressing the points they bring up and showing how you can fulfill those specific duties, with adjustments, then I don't see how that's a problem. If you're specifying entirely different activities that you enjoy or shine at, rather than the activities the dominants are concerned about ... well, that may explain why they're balking.

About 15 years ago I had a meet and green with a submissive man who did not tell me about his visual impairment. He was escorted by another person and still managed to walk directly into a light pole on a sunny Summer day. He waved off the alarmed yelps from those nearby, but I was already thinking, "Oh, hell naw." His submission was for someone with more experience than I had at the time.

Since then Raven Kaldera has written both Hell on Wheels and Kneeling in Spirit regarding disabilities in the D/s world. Age and disability can come for us all if we live long enough.

(in reply to Tiagurl)
Profile   Post #: 13
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> sub/slaves with disabilities Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2023
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.238