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Greta75 -> RE: how did you first discover that you're a sub? (10/3/2017 8:48:07 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Greta75
all my dad's job was to go to work, come home, relax, watch TV, sleep, go back to work, and get serve hand and foot by my mom, despite my mom, taking care of everything and running her own business and company as well.
So in a way, my mom was the textbook modern woman.To be capable of everything, practically essentially, when I seriously look at the role of my father. He was completely redundant in our lives. He doesn't bring home the dough. He doesn't take care of kids. He doesn't take care of the home, do housework. Precisely what was his role except being like the 4th child for my mom to take care of and why did my mom need him at all except for sex? I have no idea. He was completely useless even for emotional support.
Sometimes I read old post of mine and I just realise something I never realise before.
My mom was submissive to my dad. My parents had BDSM videos, I raided their secret stash as a kid, when I was 12, I held a bdsm porn party among my 12 yr old girlfriends. There were 10 of us. They weren't very good at hiding things. I always found them. But they never found out I did, as I put them back. And said nothing.
I always never understood why she a strong business woman served my father hand and foot all the time. And she even told me that next time I need to do all these for my husband in the future too, but I was like, fuck no! Never happening, I will never be with a man who can't do anything. It's ridiculous that my dad can never lift a finger to even get his own water. And literally, so fucking inept that he can't make instant noodles by himself or fry an egg. My mom does everything for him like he is a baby.
I think in my life time. I only had 3 serious relationships. And all 3 men doesn't need me to do anything for them. They like doing it themselves. If I meet anybody remotely like my dad, I would feel disdain.
And in many ways, my mom was always stronger than my dad and a social butterfly and gutsy and fearless. But always remained extremely servitude and submissive towards him.
Oh well, complex dynamic. But mind blown. I didn't connect the dots. But for my own BDSM tendencies, it was before I even found the BDSM videos that all the ideas were in my head.
Now I am thinking my parents either played BDSM porn videos in my presence, perhaps like when I was 3 yr old or something. And subliminally, alot of things registered.
Fuck I bet my parents were precisely the type of irresponsible parents who would watch BDSM porn with me present when they thought i was too young to get anything. All I can say is, as a kid, I have watch alot of inappropriate videos for my age. Full R, Full Frontal stuffs, with my parents.
And the worst thing is. The person who taught me how to masturbate since 5 yr old, was my own mother. Man she is one super fucked up mom! I don't think it was innocent anymore.
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