quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

Well its time to post a question; to see what others think. So here we go …

I first met a woman in my area, about 12 years ago. We share a taste for fine dining, and she says she is a Domme. Most recently, last fall, we went out several times, and those dates averaged $300; without any happy endings. Our last interaction was December 23, 2016 (dang smart phones!) lol That said, I have always known she was a Pro Domme and attempting to incorporate some Fin Domme. But all we ever have done is go to great dinners and converse, with no sex or BDSM interaction.

So Monday this past week I get an email from her. She wants me to take her to dinner, then submit to her as a sub for her sexual pleasure. I did not immediately agree; instead mentioning all of my reservations, concerns etc. She kept countering … finally reminding me that subs serve for the Dommes pleasure … so I agreed to do it.

Of course, she expected me to pick her up at her home, and then take her to a great steakhouse that would cost me at least three hundred. The new twist to this date was she added desert. So I presumed she just needed someone familiar and comfortable; and agreed on the night before the date.

This past Friday, two hours before I picked her up … she texted me that she expected me to bring an envelope with a card containing a wonderful surprise. Obviously, she meant cash. I exploded, feeling I was a victim of bait and switch.

Immediately I sent a text cancelling everything. I knew I would not even interact with her at dinner because I felt totally deceived. Nonetheless, I knew she would send a fire storm response, so I just shut the phone off and tossed it in the bag with my laptop then went home. This morning, when I turned the phone on … 15 texts popped up… the last saying that “I think I am so good, that I don’t have to pay”.

Huh?

I didn’t initiate this contact, didn’t initiate conversation about sexual, nor say I would give her ANY MONEY!

My response was instant. Delete her number and all the texts from my phone, then block her from all email contact … but what do you think?

Was I obligated to take her out, have sex that evening, and give her money, too?

And why would someone think I would give her money AFTER we made a date? Please share …

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo
My response was instant. Delete her number and all the texts from my phone, then block her from all email contact … but what do you think?

Was I obligated to take her out, have sex that evening, and give her money, too?

And why would someone think I would give her money AFTER we made a date? Please share …

quote:

ORIGINAL: longwayhome

What RS said is a little harsh, but only a little.

You probably should have seen the possibility that it was not just your sparkling wit that she saw in you, given your willingness to splash out quite large sums of money for her entertainment. She may well be very choosy about her "dates" and may not be in it just or even primarily for the money, however the next step for her was pay for play.

She was touting for business when she contacted you and, as a business offer, you are entirely entitled to turn her down. You didn't break the arrangement, she changed the terms and flushed out how far you were prepared to go.

Going through with it or not was your choice. You now know the price so you can make an informed decision.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

seekingOwnertoo has been around for a while, no harm intended and I am sorry his date went to shit. That truly sucks that she turned out to be a shithead changing the price at the last minute like that.

Did you think I was a little harsh because I didn't tip toe around or support the idea that their "date" was anything other than business? Obviously the rent was due so she called him for the rescue. She obviously needed money, she even raised her participation level and offered up sexual contact. Even then he was hesitant because he had "always known she was a Pro Domme and attempting to incorporate some Fin Domme" . . . so he knew it was just a cash deal. So I didn't burst his bubble or anything. That's why I didn't think I was being harsh.

quote:

ORIGINAL: longwayhome

What RS said is a little harsh, but only a little.

You probably should have seen the possibility that it was not just your sparkling wit that she saw in you, given your willingness to splash out quite large sums of money for her entertainment. She may well be very choosy about her "dates" and may not be in it just or even primarily for the money, however the next step for her was pay for play.

She was touting for business when she contacted you and, as a business offer, you are entirely entitled to turn her down. You didn't break the arrangement, she changed the terms and flushed out how far you were prepared to go.

Going through with it or not was your choice. You now know the price so you can make an informed decision.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

It's kind of weird because there were a couple of things in the OP that other people saw differently than me.

I didn't get the vibe that other people about so2 had known the woman for twelve years. Even in CM's time before Fet, there used to be a number of legitimate pros that had accounts here. (When I say legitimate, I mean the type that were on LadyC, M*r**B, H*b's, and that kind of level.) It's not like pros don't ever just have friendly conversations with other people based on something in common. Over the years, I couldn't say how many times one person or another has recommended a restaurant, a shop I might like, or something else that started a conversation. Maybe this happens to me because we've moved around so much over the years, but it can happen just because somebody notices you in their neighborhood.

I think so2 would have to clarify, but I also didn't think the dinner dates were going on for twelve years. I thought it was just last fall and then ended in December. Was I wrong about that?

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Looking at this from his side, I see how the 12 year factor could and probably should hold weight differently for him than it would for me from an outside perspective. My perspectives are jaded anyway and I don't hold the same boundaries as the social majority. Casual sex popping up for the first time as a matter of convenience between old friends because you both just happen to be single at the same time . . . or a casual and friendly business exchange like described in the OP wouldn't necessarily hold any special emotional value to me. No expectations emotionally... but... I am jaded, most of you are not.

Edited

quote:

ORIGINAL: longwayhome

What RS said is a little harsh, but only a little.

You probably should have seen the possibility that it was not just your sparkling wit that she saw in you, given your willingness to splash out quite large sums of money for her entertainment. She may well be very choosy about her "dates" and may not be in it just or even primarily for the money, however the next step for her was pay for play.

She was touting for business when she contacted you and, as a business offer, you are entirely entitled to turn her down. You didn't break the arrangement, she changed the terms and flushed out how far you were prepared to go.

Going through with it or not was your choice. You now know the price so you can make an informed decision.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Well, you are entitled to do whatever you want, so I don't really understand why you need validation from people on the internet?

But from the way I understood you, you have known her for 12 years and now she springs it on you? That is quite odd. Any particular reason?

... that you got "friend"-zoned at some point within these past 12 years, then got bumped up into the candidate-under-possible-consideration "sub" zone.

No doubt in her mind, you had "earned" this "privilege" and were supposed to be grateful for the "opportunity" to date her.

I'm not defending her actions. Obviously, you find them offensive and lacking in class.

Nevertheless, you were enjoying your lady friend's company ostensibly. And she, yours.
Without splitting hairs about the particulars, roughly half of those $300 dinner tabs were spent on you.
You see where this is going?

You feel you made a wasted investment in money, in your personal resources.
She feels you wasted her time and energy - wasted her personal resources (not to mention whatever she spent on getting herself dolled up fashionably in order to impress you) - which she could have spent on a more "promising" candidate for her attention and affections.

Neither one of you got what you wanted out of this train wreck of a failed [D/s] relationship transaction, which is really the crux of the matter, and now any friendship you both had has been ruined.
Better for this to have happened sooner than later is all I can say.