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LadyPact -> RE: i need advice (6/20/2017 12:43:36 AM)
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<FR>
I think I have to separate this into two parts. The first is related to how I deal with email. I only respond to private emails if one of the conditions exist:
1. I know you in person, meaning I've met you face to face.
2. I have met in person, someone you know in person, even if we haven't had the opportunity to meet.
3. You have a screen name that was created at least five years ago and it has been used on the forums on at least a semi-regular basis within certain time intervals.
(I know that last one sounds weird, but trust me on it. There really is a valid reason for this one that very few people on the forums know about.)
Ninety eight percent of the time, if a person doesn't fit into one of those categories, I'm not exchanging private emails. The roughly two percent that I will even do so much as used the hover feature to see what's been sent, are the rare exceptions.
When I saw the name that landed in my inbox, I was pretty confident it was about this thread. I understand why the question was not something that was wanted to be put on the forum. I get why the specifics aren't for public consumption and I do want to honor that request. I weighed my thoughts carefully and I think I can at least get to good enough.
In dealing with grown up people, these are my thoughts and general standards:
1. If you are the victim in the first person sense, who has been on the wrong side of a crime committed against YOU, I believe you should have the right to be the decision maker on how to handle it. Not all victims want to turn their perpetrator over to authorities because they have various considerations about the whole picture. Whether that be concerns about outing, that a process will do them more harm than good, or whatever reason a person has. As the victim, it's your choice.
2. The victim has specifically asked for your assistance. They TELL YOU how they want to handle being a victim of a crime and you support them in that decision. It's not about trying to take their decision away, try to tell them that you think you know better, or try to override them in some way. The victim's wishes should have value.
3. There's no time to consult the victim, because the crime is being committed in front of your own eyes, you call for assistance, and when the cops or other authority responds, there is a reasonable probability that somebody's going to jail, (or there's at least a court date being set) because it's necessary to turn someone in. This one is kind of hard for kinky people because some things that might be consensual might look like criminal activity. Are these people engaging in CNC or is it a fight? Is the face slap you just saw an assault or is it something that turns the two people on? Do the people have a punishment dynamic and it's possible you are witnessing that expression? We can't always get this right if we are just an observer, rather than the parties involved. The consequences of causing harm, if we are wrong, should weigh heavily on our minds.
Please remember that not everyone is truthful. Not what they say on threads, write in journals, or anything else. Some people just write stories because it turns them on. If there isn't additional evidence or proof, think carefully.
Best wishes and good luck.
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