LadyPact
Posts: 32566
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Tried to access your profile for a better understanding. It didn't quite work out. With this in mind, I'm going on my best guess.
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ORIGINAL: sirfox31
In the ten years that I have been the Scene. I have met of submissives and dominants. Been to a lot of parties, events, and also volunteered in the scene. I have made friends both dominant and submissive.
OK. Cool. You've met lots of people. Me, too.
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Sometimes it feel like I am standing in the calm middle of a hurricane with all the action of the Scene. Going on around me.
Could you clarify this? Is it that you feel forgotten and left behind while everybody else is getting their kink on? Is it something else?
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I am a gentleman, nice guy, that is finishing last.
OK. Stop right there. This, right here, is why "nice guy syndrome" became a trademark.
Being "nice" isn't a bartering chip. There's no entitlement about it. Being "nice" doesn't equate putting in so much in dues that, in the end, you get the girl, or the play, or the sex. It's not supposed to come with expectations attached to it.
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It seems to me like in high school. With the jocks of the scene getting the submissives and online it just as bad.
Ask yourself a question. Why did the jocks in high school get the girls? As frivilous as it might have been back in the day, the jocks had something the girls wanted.
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All the advice that I have gotten over the years,get to know them as a person, don't jump in to playing with them,do's and dont's.
I don't understand why this is an issue. If we were talking about somebody attempting to establish a vanilla relationship, rather than a D/s dynamic with an emotional component, how is this different? If you're really trying to do kink dating, rather than an O/p or Authority/service based dynamic, isn't getting to know the other person a part of that?
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I have been to the friends zone more time then I can count.
I still don't get it. Unless you are envious of your 'friends' when they find something that works for them, but are pissy because they didn't choose you, instead, that's a contradiction. That's called you being too focused on you, rather than being happy for other people. That's not Dominance. That's called being a self-absorbed little twat.
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How did it get to the point where I am thinking about just about walking away from kink and life in general.
I hate to inform you. Probably, nobody cares if you choose to hang up the floggers and walk away. If you choose to never kink again, it's probably not going to effect the other seven billion plus people on the planet who have never met you.
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I am finally at the point where other dominants sending submissive for me to play with.
Ummm... Yeah. No offense, but this means jack sh^t. Here's just some stuff off of the top of my head for why that might be:
* The other male Dominants feel sorry for you. If you really show up time and time again, and you just aren't having luck, the other guys are 'loaning' you their girl so you don't get discouraged.
* You have a more extensive toy collection than the other top.
* You have a skill that the other Dominant does not have.
* You happen to be more sadistic than the person's partner.
* You funnel funds or time into the venue, so people are (kind of) paying you back.
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It because of all my friends have partners and I don't. I find a someone that is possible and we talk then poof suddenly they are off the market/scene/etc.
How does this compare to your vanilla dating world? The reason that I ask is because people tend to think that kink dating and vanilla dating are extremely different, but they really aren't. If vanilla women don't find you to be a good potential partner, kinky women won't, either.
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This Scene is the only place I feel like I have a found home.
This is good, but your so-called "home" is not an obligation for a partner. Why can't you be at home with others, regardless of whether you have an S/O or not? There are HUNDREDS of laid back events in your area. (Check out an event called "Pizza and Beer".)
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Where have I gone wrong with finding a submissive partner.
If this post is an indication, you are screwing up because you're TOO FOCUSED on finding a submissive partner. It might be what's holding you up.
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Should I be like the jocks of the scene because being a good guy seems to get me no where. Help any one there.... Hello
I'm not going to throw you a pity party. If you want to wallow, have at it.
Personally, I do ok. A part of that has to do with the fact that I have decent topping skills, I do well socially, etc. If you've been doing "The Scene" in LA for ten years, and something isn't working for you, I would suggest that you apply yourself in the areas that you lack.
_____________________________
The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT
Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD
Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.
Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
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been in the Los Angeles Scene for ten years. - 
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RE: been in the Los Angeles Scene for ten years. - 
RE: been in the Los Angeles Scene for ten years. - 
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