3 questions that I'd like to get people's thoughts on (Full Version)

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KL70 -> 3 questions that I'd like to get people's thoughts on (8/23/2017 4:32:19 AM)

I'd be very grateful if readers can post their thoughts on the following 3 questions I have :


1) What D/s protocols are currently the most important to you?


2) If you're a Dom, or Master, what's your current 'typical' approach/method of after care?


3) For you, how do you view the difference between play scenes and training?





ThatDizzyChick -> RE: 3 questions that I'd like to get people's thoughts on (8/23/2017 5:15:24 AM)

1) None, I don't waste time on shit like protocols.
2) He (the Dom) relaxes while I (the sub) get us a snack and a cols drink.
3) We don't do either.



Made2Obey -> RE: 3 questions that I'd like to get people's thoughts on (8/23/2017 5:33:45 AM)

KL
The problem with your questions is that the answers will be different for just about every pairing in D/s. Take any two people and put them with different partners and they will work out new rules and protocols that suit the new pairing. It's very individualistic and there really is no one-size-fits-all guidelines. Just find someone you feel you can trust and take things from there and work out what works for you as a pair.



WhoreMods -> RE: 3 questions that I'd like to get people's thoughts on (8/23/2017 7:24:03 AM)

Is this for a sociology qualification at college, or something you're writing yourself?
[;)]
I'd be careful about using this site for research: you only need a quick browse on the front page to see how paranoid some of those with profiles on here are about that sort of thing. (It's also full of fantasists, wankers, and imbeciles as well, which isn't going to help with any sort of research. You might be better off asking on FetLife whether this is research for something or genuine curiosity about how the etiquette works.)



Hillwilliam -> RE: 3 questions that I'd like to get people's thoughts on (8/23/2017 7:33:48 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: KL70

I'd be very grateful if readers can post their thoughts on the following 3 questions I have :


1) What D/s protocols are currently the most important to you?


2) If you're a Dom, or Master, what's your current 'typical' approach/method of after care?


3) For you, how do you view the difference between play scenes and training?




In my present relationship, we don't have set protocol. We are just 2 people that are kinky as all hell and I lead, she follows.

My after care consists on paying attention to what she needs and supplying it.
That could be extended cuddling and whispering "let it out baby" if she is emotional or asking her to go get me a beer and whatever she wants out of the fridge or anything in between.

There is no 'training' We are learning each other's preferences together. (Mine are a bit more important admittedly LOL)



LadyPact -> RE: 3 questions that I'd like to get people's thoughts on (8/23/2017 9:36:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KL70
I'd be very grateful if readers can post their thoughts on the following 3 questions I have :


1) What D/s protocols are currently the most important to you?

Unlike some, I'm rather literal about the difference between a protocol and a ritual. By definition, a protocol is a standard of behavior and/or an official system of rules for occasions of gatherings, while ritual is an action (or series of actions) according to order and are more likely to be specific to the parties involved. Since your question is specific to protocol and NOT ritual, here are a few of mine:

1. My submissive does not call me by my first name. He is to use the honorific any time we are at home or among kinky folks. I did make an exception to this when we went to dinner at his sister's home a few months back, because it wasn't appropriate, since he's not "out" to her.

2. Same goes in reverse. I'm not big in any way about random people calling me "Mistress" without a qualifying name. Best way on this planet for a person to demonstrate to me that they don't know anything about protocol.

3. Unless it is a special occasion, I do not wear 'evening leather' before 5:00 PM.

4. I do not purchase any form of leather apparel for my own use if said item would be in the category of gifted and/or earned leather.


quote:

2) If you're a Dom, or Master, what's your current 'typical' approach/method of after care?

In asking this, you are assuming that a person has a standard, rather than tailoring the experience to the person they are interacting with. If a person plays with their submissive, and only their submissive, you might get more of a stock answer.

I consider Engie pretty awesome about this. Give him some water, get his body temp back where it should be, maybe something to munch on, and we're good to go. I prefer this to what I consider 'excessive' after care. Unless something is edge play, I'm probably not signing up for anything more than is reasonable. I would greatly suggest that people negotiate after care just as much as they negotiate activities during play.


quote:

3) For you, how do you view the difference between play scenes and training?

"Play scenes" are about the kink part. Training is about establishing what a person wants. A lot of people get all up in themselves about the word "training," but they don't think about it, much.

Do you go to work and do the stuff your boss tells ya? Guess what? You've been trained. If you go to a friend's house and they have a 'no shoes on the carpet' rule? Guess what? You've been trained.

Most people aren't anarchists, refusing to follow what they've been 'trained' to do. [8D]







peppermint -> RE: 3 questions that I'd like to get people's thoughts on (8/23/2017 11:49:48 AM)

1. We don't do much when it comes to protocol. He has the last word in decisions that affect us both. However, and this is important, he has given up anything to do with his health to me. I give him his pills. I decide when it's time to call an ambulance. I nag him to exercise. I refuse to get him a glass of water if he can do it for himself and he needs that exercise.

2. I do not require aftercare, in fact, I dislike it. As a result he's learned to not fuss over me at all. I don't need him to get a blanket as I can do that myself if I want one. I don't want to be cuddled.

3. Scenes to me are when we do masochist/sadist types of things such as flogging. Training is when he tells me to put more mayo on his sandwich next time I make one for him.



DesFIP -> RE: 3 questions that I'd like to get people's thoughts on (8/23/2017 5:15:20 PM)

I find protocols to be artificial. In my background, they smoothed over problems and allowed people to come to agreements, think UN Ambassadors.

Since play for us is bondage, which slows blood flow, I come out of it cold. Aftercare consists of him opening the water bottle and possibly holding it for me if I'm shaking that much, and tucking the heavy quilt around me, then letting me nap.

But this is what I need which may be very different than what you need.

Training was teaching me how he liked stuff. He's very picky about his morning tea. It took longer to get that down than anything else.



OsideGirl -> RE: 3 questions that I'd like to get people's thoughts on (8/23/2017 8:54:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KL70

I'd be very grateful if readers can post their thoughts on the following 3 questions I have :


1) What D/s protocols are currently the most important to you?
We only have three - We both go to bed together, even if I stay up reading, I do not open my own doors when I'm with him and I'm not allowed to yell across the house to see what he wants.


quote:

2) If you're a Dom, or Master, what's your current 'typical' approach/method of after care?
You're not talking about being a Dom/Master - you're talking about engaging in BDSM, which isn't the same as D/s. You can engage in BDSM and never engage in D/s. You can engage is D/s and never engage in BDSM. After care isn't done by every Dominant and aftercare isn't only the realm of Dominants - ie: service tops.


quote:

3) For you, how do you view the difference between play scenes and training?
"Scenes are for fun and training is a euphemism that horny, naked guys use for "I want to tie you up, beat you and fuck you and make it sound more important than it is".







UllrsIshtar -> RE: 3 questions that I'd like to get people's thoughts on (8/23/2017 10:14:50 PM)

1) I'm expected to tell him when I think he's failing to lead effectively/needs to get his head out of his ass.

2) I don't do aftercare. Aftercare for me = more play, in all but the rarest of cases.

3) Scenes serve no purpose other than to get naughty bits to have fun. Training imparts new skills with naughty bits having fun being unimportant.



kiwisub22 -> RE: 3 questions that I'd like to get people's thoughts on (8/24/2017 2:46:01 PM)

1. Protocols between my dom and I - not so much. He told me what and how he wanted me to do... from asking to go to the loo, to how to serve his coffee. Protocols would be a ten dollar word describing how we lived our life.
2. I don't require or need aftercare - other than to be left alone for a while. If I'm comfortable enough, I can nap. And if someone was crazy enough to try and cover me up, I would probably self immolate. I DON'T need any extra warmth.

And 3. Play for us was typically in the dungeon, involving pain for me.
The only training I required was how to make coffee (tea drinker here). Think training is a euphemism for the dominant and the submissive types to get their jollies in a somewhat subtle way. After all, how much training is really required for the average adult. You tell someone once or twice how to do something - if they really want to learn, they've got it.




tamaka -> RE: 3 questions that I'd like to get people's thoughts on (8/24/2017 4:11:51 PM)

The most important protocol that Master instituted for me was only being able to refer to Master as 'Master' or 'Sir'. I cannot use pronouns referencing Master. I cannot say 'you'. For example, I cannot say 'Master would you like a beer?' I can say 'Would Master like a beer Sir?'. It seemed a bit ridiculous to me at first, but now i definitely understand why.

Aftercare: i need some alone time. After that, i may need some snuggle time. It depends.

Training is everyday interactions and specific skills Master makes me work on. Play is when Master wants to beat me, fuck me, use me and abuse me. I become more of an object/sex doll during 'play'.



ThatDizzyChick -> RE: 3 questions that I'd like to get people's thoughts on (8/24/2017 4:42:49 PM)

quote:

but now i definitely understand why.

OK, I am curious; why?



tamaka -> RE: 3 questions that I'd like to get people's thoughts on (8/24/2017 5:36:47 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick

quote:

but now i definitely understand why.

OK, I am curious; why?


Because, at least for me, especially during the first year, my mind wasn't totally wrapped around the idea that this man is 'Master'. So when i used the pronoun 'you' , somewhere in my mind i was equating the you with 'the normal man that everyone else sees'. 'You' is a word we use to casually refer to others. In some ways, 'you' kind of equalizes the relationship (you and me).

When i did that, my Master would just correct me. For example, if i said, "Master, would you like a beer?" Master would respond to me... "Would Master like a beer?". That helped change any mental connection i had of Master being just another person... (you). This interaction, over time, has helped my mind recognize Master as Master and not just a 'you'.




ThatDizzyChick -> RE: 3 questions that I'd like to get people's thoughts on (8/24/2017 8:58:43 PM)

OK, thanks for the insight



FlogYouHard -> RE: 3 questions that I'd like to get people's thoughts on (8/25/2017 4:54:32 AM)

There is a blurring of those three segments you mention. Protocols can vary and may change with time. Whatever is working and seems to have a beneficial effect on my relationship with a submissive is fine with me. If it becomes tedious, I may place the rule in abeyance or find a novel one.

Aftercare again varies. It depends on what she responds to. Usually it’s holding and keeping her warm, but not always. It can simply be leaving her alone. All this may or may not lead to sex.

Play and training have a nebulous similarity. All play has an element of training. It can be fun or intense. What is different is punishment. She is not going to like it, but she is going to endure whatever it is because of her psychological focus to please my psychological bent to punish.



Greta75 -> RE: 3 questions that I'd like to get people's thoughts on (8/25/2017 9:29:49 AM)

1) What D/s protocols are currently the most important to you?
I don't believe in protocols with anybody who I have not accepted as my Master or anybody who calls themselves a dominant.

But in a committed D/S relationship with someone. I do love Protocols and rituals. Really really enjoyed that aspect of it. I like the whole, coming home, no clothes beyond a certain area. So the only thing I really like about inspiration from Gorean is all the Positions. There is nothing I love more than just coming home, and stripping and kneeling and wait for further instructions or to be inspected, like everyday, coming home from work. Gives me something to look forward for everyday after work, and can't wait to go home! I never had the no eye contact rule done on me, but I think I would have loved that. I don't think I like the idea to speak in third person though, just because, there are vanilla situations with friends, and I may accidentally slip into third person speech because I am used to that at home or something. With speech, I prefer to keep it normal.

2) If you're a Dom, or Master, what's your current 'typical' approach/method of after care?
Not a Dom or a Master. But I don't think aftercare is one size fits all. Once you get to know your sub better, you will understand what she needs from you for aftercare. Some may not even need it. Some need alot of it.

3) For you, how do you view the difference between play scenes and training?
When I was in a full time live in D/S relationship for 2.5 years. I religiously adhere to every routine/protocol/rules and really enjoyed following them. Made me feel like a sex slave.

On the other hand, training to me is part of play scene. I may adhere to all the rules and abide by all the protocol set by my Master. Doesn't mean it isn't play to me. To me, the ENTIRE D/S relationship is one big full time play, including the training part.

I never see it as real, because it's not real. Slavery was consensual. Not real. Not legal in the eyes of our law.

My x-dom fortunately, I guess that's why we get along. I think our dynamic is more like, we are in a perpetual play scene by default, until, I tell him, I want my boyfriend back. Then he snaps out of it and we are equals again and usually it is to discuss serious things.

Otherwise, I don't believe in disciplinary actions. I like a completely unreasonable Master who punishes you for his own pleasure and fun. You don't have to do anything wrong. You can do everything right and he will still punish you because he wants to and feels like it. That's the dynamic I enjoyed, so this is the way it has to work for me. I have to see it as playing the whole time. I like the feeling of how I can't do anything right to get on his good side. He is perpetually punishing me for anything and everything. But in another words, it just means all the punishments are fun for me to play along.

I don't believe in real punishment that actually hurt my feelings. I just associate real punishment with hate. And I don't want to sub under somebody who is hating on me.

Ahh just like everything. Finding your Ying to your Yang is challenging. If two people fit, they will just get each other on every level. No verbal communication even needed.



KinkyBlackMan -> RE: 3 questions that I'd like to get people's thoughts on (9/12/2017 11:28:09 AM)

1) What D/s protocols are currently the most important to you?

I look for honesty and the ability to openly communicate with me. Plus an overall desire to truly submit.

2) If you're a Dom, or Master, what's your current 'typical' approach/method of after care?

I have discovered that all submissives are different and each has their own approach to aftercare. Many of the people I play with are very experienced so when I play with them there is little to no aftercare. Have played with others that just wanted to be held and hugged after a scene. I will adapt to their preferences and try my best to give the what they need to get back to a happy place.

3) For you, how do you view the difference between play scenes and training?

I have very limited experience with training but from my experience the training is a lot more intense. Normally, it takes a lot of non sexual/non play time to get to know someone that is being trained to be a submissive vs a playmate. Have one female friend that wants to be a submissive but had a bad experience w her first Dom so she is terrified of what may happen if she gives up total control again. We spend a lot of time doing vanilla activities but it takes that sort of activity to get her to relax and let go when we do get the chance to play.



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