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Hoping to Understand - 7/28/2006 9:16:17 PM   
Queenalice


Posts: 25
Joined: 6/4/2006
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Okay. As I am new to this, if I ruffle feathers, please forgive me. The way I see it, W/we, as switches have chosen the road of most resistance. O/our way, is not the easy one. W/we have to prove over and over that we are what and who we claim to be. I'm not certain as to why W/we are labled loud mouths, possers, or liars. Isn't more likely that W/we are complicated individuals who enjoy all parts of sensation and personality? I am enjoying my introdution to this life style, but if one more Hubris soaked Dominate, or one more submissive with an over inflated ego tells me that I don't get it and never will because I'm a swithch, my crop and cuffs are going on a very unpleasant journey. (or is that the reaction they are looking for. I';m confused.)
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RE: Hoping to Understand - 7/28/2006 11:04:21 PM   
cheshireboy


Posts: 217
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it all comes down to perception, and what makes a truth it seem is a majority of perception being the same, i have heard many times that switches are deemed those that want their cake and eat it too, or can't make up their minds on what they are. 
 
personally i disagree with this.  each person is different, and what may be one person's tea is another person's coffee.  both taste good depending on the mood.  there are times when even myself been called a switch but then i just realize at some moments, for me to be truly submissive i need to assume control, which sounds like an oxymoron. 
 
will the journey be any harder?  i don't think so, just a bit different, i have seen those that want only switches, and i have always been a firm believer in the ideal that there is one person right for another......
 
cheshire
"if it was only just a smile"

(in reply to Queenalice)
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RE: Hoping to Understand - 7/28/2006 11:38:00 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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We're not more complicated than others, our road isn't harder than others when it comes to the larger scheme, and I don't approach things with an attitude of needing to prove myself (to who? I know who I am).

It's irritating for sure, and ridiculous for most.  People who think that calling themselves a "sub" or "dom" somehow means that they have a clearly laid out identification and won't need to go through serious self reflection are merely fooling themselves in the short run.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Queenalice)
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RE: Hoping to Understand - 7/29/2006 7:08:07 AM   
Rogueswitch


Posts: 23
Joined: 7/23/2006
From: Newcastle
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To me a switch and dom and domme and sub are all the easy ways of putting ourselves in the little ticky boxes , i myself am a switch because i enjoy both being a sub and a domme  .Others are different some prefer to be sub and thats how they are . I see where u come from and switches do get a bad rep , which we shouldnt.

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In somnis veritas

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RE: Hoping to Understand - 7/29/2006 2:09:53 PM   
TNstepsout


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I haven't had this little ticky box clicked for very long, but I know it's right for me. But that's just the way I've been in most things in my life. I have always had a very difficult time relating to and understanding people who fall to extremes and can't understand or relate to experiences at the other end. Not to mention, I've always felt that balance between extremes is the best way to being a more whole person.

I think of D and s as two ends of an extreme and to a certain extent I think all of us have some percentage of both. Those who fall in to the D or s catagories are those who are in the really high percentage range. I on the other hand am right at about 50/50.

(in reply to Rogueswitch)
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RE: Hoping to Understand - 7/30/2006 4:48:43 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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A dear male friend of mine here at CM told me that if I wanted to cut the amount of weird e-mails I receive as a submissive in half, just to pretend to be something else (he) - like a guy, for instance.

He was half-joking, but I have to say - that even if that's not the reason I wrote I am probably a Switch in my profile (I do think I am a Switch), that statig that in my profile outright has cut my e-mail down quite a bit - more than half, at least. Ironic, isn't it? 

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/30/2006 4:51:22 AM >


_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to TNstepsout)
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RE: Hoping to Understand - 7/30/2006 7:05:09 AM   
Rogueswitch


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Joined: 7/23/2006
From: Newcastle
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That is strange but like i said in my other post some subs see a switch as half a domme or dom ( personally not true as  my subs have seen me sub but in domme mode they know their place) I myself am more domme then sub , but there are people i would sub to , very few . But the hedonist side of me says to enjoy all and i enjoy being sub but also a domme so i intend to do both.


_____________________________

In somnis veritas

(in reply to SusanofO)
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RE: Hoping to Understand - 7/30/2006 6:13:40 PM   
BenignPlague


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To the initial poster:  the reception of switches in the community, just by how I've gauged it, is the same as that bisexuals used to (do?) receive in the gay community; people think we are on the fence and not sure what we like, when really, we like both, and are certain of that.



(in reply to Rogueswitch)
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RE: Hoping to Understand - 8/1/2006 8:12:03 AM   
LcM


Posts: 5
Joined: 7/25/2006
Status: offline
Pay attention to your needs and desires...than the preseption of others. I had a diffacult time in the beginning, till I found what I really needed, and what my strengths were. I do understand that some will be very unaccepting of who or what you are, but it is only anothers oppinion. It has no bearing on what, who or how you are. Finding your strengths, and weaknesses... I have found...is far more important.

(in reply to BenignPlague)
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RE: Hoping to Understand - 8/1/2006 9:02:11 AM   
RavenMuse


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OK my turn to probably ruffle a few feathers. I'm not a switch, but I've had switches submit to me in the past and probably will in the future, hence I keep helf an eye on this forum too.

Aside from a few insecure muppets, most fellow Doms I talk to have NEVER mentioned any problem with switches. Yep I see it online, but those I know in person, it is a non-issue.

I have heard it raised as a problem from fem subs who seem to get squicked out by the thought of a Male Dom switching. Want to know more, you best talk to them, I don't switch so never gone into the why in any depth.

But the biggest place I've seen 'problems' about switching raised.... yep... from Switches. Getting overly defensive, jumping down peoples throats for the tiniest of reasons, etc. Doesn't THAT create the very problems you are complaining about?

From my perspective, unless there is potential for involvement then I don't give a monkeys what your orientation is. If there is potential then I'm dealing with her sub side. No confusion, no problem, NOTHING to 'prove'..... unless someone MAKES it a problem.

Just something to think on about the level of 'defencivness' some (not all) display.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Queenalice)
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RE: Hoping to Understand - 8/1/2006 11:56:10 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline
I see people before roles.

Do as you will, and harm none?

(in reply to RavenMuse)
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RE: Hoping to Understand - 8/2/2006 5:10:03 PM   
Queenalice


Posts: 25
Joined: 6/4/2006
Status: offline
Thank you ,everyone for your thoughts.

Queen alice

(in reply to Homestead)
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RE: Hoping to Understand - 8/3/2006 1:16:12 AM   
sierraflowr


Posts: 59
Joined: 6/7/2005
From: Northern California
Status: offline
I absolutely loved your post. Thank you. I am a switch. and yes, i believe it is all about perception. Why is it we have to put ourselves into those little boxes anyway? Why is it that some Dominants get SO out of sorts about switches? you cant be a submissive and be a switch becuase you Dominate also? Bull crackys! WE are who WE are and WE will stay that way too!
isn't submission in the eye of the holder? :-) if it works for whomever you are with then isn't that what counts?
I Dominate my husband. Yet i am a submissive also. So why is that so difficult to understand?
Tea, coffee or me? sometimes i like sugar sometimes i like milk :-D
Thanks
Flowr

quote:

ORIGINAL: cheshireboy

it all comes down to perception, and what makes a truth it seem is a majority of perception being the same, i have heard many times that switches are deemed those that want their cake and eat it too, or can't make up their minds on what they are. 
 
personally i disagree with this.  each person is different, and what may be one person's tea is another person's coffee.  both taste good depending on the mood.  there are times when even myself been called a switch but then i just realize at some moments, for me to be truly submissive i need to assume control, which sounds like an oxymoron. 
 
will the journey be any harder?  i don't think so, just a bit different, i have seen those that want only switches, and i have always been a firm believer in the ideal that there is one person right for another......
 
cheshire
"if it was only just a smile"


(in reply to cheshireboy)
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RE: Hoping to Understand - 8/3/2006 10:11:18 AM   
msp575


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/11/2006
Status: offline
This is the greatest thread!  I can really use the information you all have posted.  I'm very new to the BDSM world, and already am confronting this issue in that my Dom has a sub side he needs to access on occasion.  I've been having great difficulty with that, although I recognise I DO have some Domme inclinations and that, when I have done it successfully, I've found it very exciting and satisfying.  I agree with those who write that we are all quite complex, none of us being all one thing or the other.  But it's often difficult accessing, or expressing, a part of us we've spent so many years suppressing.  I want very much to be able to access this part of me successfully, as well and as often as he wants it.  My Dom thinks that accessing the Domme in me will make me a better sub.  I think he's right.  He usually is.  This is quite convoluted.  My sub side wants so much to please my Dom by doing just that!

(in reply to sierraflowr)
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RE: Hoping to Understand - 8/4/2006 6:57:00 AM   
Rogueswitch


Posts: 23
Joined: 7/23/2006
From: Newcastle
Status: offline
Everyone is complex i have about 3 submissive me's 2'domme sides . The thing is not to shut them out but learn to control and let them out when the time is right . I love this thread so much . I disagree with the point about switches being overly sensitive because the only reason why we are is that so many issues are brought to our attention .To be a switch i find quite confusing as im neither domme nor sub and truthfully it annoys me that i cant be one or the other because that would make life so much easier, however more awareness is being raised about switches and i feel like we are a bit more welcomed . xxxxx

_____________________________

In somnis veritas

(in reply to msp575)
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RE: Hoping to Understand - 8/5/2006 8:08:21 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rogueswitch
I disagree with the point about switches being overly sensitive because the only reason why we are is that so many issues are brought to our attention .

and truthfully it annoys me that i cant be one or the other because that would make life so much easier


Whilst I did state it is far from ALL switches that are oversensitive, you state yourself that YOU find it annoying that YOU can't be one or the other. That isn't someone else finding it annoying or making a problem of it, but that YOU have a problem with it (Else it wouldn't annoy you)

Now most switches I have interacted with or been involved with IRL, *I* haven't had a problem with. Either they where 'just someone I was talking to' and their orientation didn't matter in the slightest, or there was some level of involvement or potential involvement and it was only their submissive side I was dealing with directly (permission to have pets of her own sorted out the Domme side of that girl quite nicely and if she had any problem with that side she would come to me for advice or assistance just the same as with any other problem).

Raising the profile of switches is probably a good thing. Get more of the folks who don't switch to understand it ISN'T automaticaly a problem and get more of those with switchy inclinations to realise it isn't a 'bad thing' and that it isn't something they need to feel annoyed at themself about.

But what I was highlighting was for those who DO get overly defensive is that in doing so they are being counter productive and causing the very problem they are complaining about but getting in peoples faces before there is even a problem and making people EXPECT there to be a problem.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Rogueswitch)
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RE: Hoping to Understand - 8/14/2006 6:14:42 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
Benign beat me to it - we are the bisexuals of bdsm! Ever accused of not knowing who/what we want because we dont conform to some stereotype. I suspect the criticisms come from being able to have cake and eat it, whilst others restrict themselves to either ownership of baked wares or consumption thereof!

In bisexuality, it doesnt really matter which sex we come from - we like male and female, sometimes equally, usually in different proportions according to time, place, person etc. Its the same with being switch (IMHO), sometimes I want one, sometimes the other, sometimes both, according to the same criteria. If I'm bisexual female, it doesnt mean I'm a repressed lesbian just as much as it doesnt mean I'm a repressed heterosexual. If I'm switch, it doesnt mean I'm a repressed domme just as it doesnt mean I'm a repressed sub.

In some ways I think its a bit like guys who temporarily transgender themselves. They like both gender expressions is all it means, it doesnt mean they become female even though they leave their male self behind for a while, and it doesnt mean they have to choose between sex reassignment or extreme masculinity in order that others can stick a label on them.

I think the root of the problem is the dualistic nature of our society, which does not allow any grey areas - you are one thing or the other. The shame about this approach though is that it totally misses that there are no grey areas - just a whole rainbow of colours in a spectrum on which all stand. Some of us have more colours, thats all.
E

(in reply to RavenMuse)
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RE: Hoping to Understand - 8/14/2006 6:43:25 AM   
Pimpernell


Posts: 198
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline
You might find that a lot of those that criticise switches criticise everyone else too.  Just check out how some of them are hypercritical of new doms and dommes.  Partly it stems from them being cliquey, but I'm sure to most of them domination is a religious experience, and anyone not fully following their teachings are pretty much heretics who need to be burned at the stake.

(in reply to LadyEllen)
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RE: Hoping to Understand - 8/14/2006 7:43:36 AM   
MSUBLACKGIRL


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/13/2006
Status: offline
I haven't had a problem about being critised for being a switch. Most people just accept it, and appeal to the side that they wish to see. Personally, I think that because I am a switch, I am much more well-rounded, and intune to the desire of my sub/dom of the particular moment.

(in reply to Pimpernell)
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RE: Hoping to Understand - 8/20/2006 8:17:28 PM   
MasterLoganAndrews


Posts: 15
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
I believe I can sum this topic up very neatly.  Don't take this as absolute either, just a neat funny paraphrasing summery:

Bi-Poly-Switch: I'm not indecissive, I'm Greedy!



(in reply to Queenalice)
Profile   Post #: 20
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