RE: It is not about the sex. (Full Version)

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BitaTruble -> RE: It is not about the sex. (11/21/2017 8:29:08 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Noclueand62

I have taken what everyone has said and I think my best course of action is to remove myself from any connection with this world. As for setting my wife down and having a conversation about this, well I do not see where that will do her any good, it might help me but I cannot see it helping her.

I really appreciate all the input and I wish you all well.

Fred


You are taking out your inner crap on your partner already. Not violently to date, the caps convinced me, but emotionally and this while you are actually indulging. Your idea now is to completely suppress everything in the hope that some X thing will happen?

You have capped yourself into believing your ability to take out emotional crap on her won’t turn physical once you stop indulging on the sly.

emotional withdrawal < physical corruption

Too bad it’s not a math problem and people are more complicated.

If nothing else maybe you can gain at least a small clue that emotional withdrawal makes it difficult if not impossible to engage in a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

What is your X? What are you hoping will happen? It doesn’t seem as if you are willing to put any effort except to make this thread over and over again always with the same end result. You want to have your cake and eat it, too. ssdf















Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: It is not about the sex. (11/22/2017 4:36:24 AM)

I've not read all the comments on this thread. I'm making a comment based on your opening post.

First and foremost anybody which posts about relationship woes tends to already know the answers to their own questions. They are either looking for other people to call them out on their denial or give affirmation or throw a pity party.

You will quickly understand your own motives for posting here by the variety of different responses people post, and how you personally react to it all.

Now for my two cents worth.

1. It's never all about the sex even when it's all about the sex. It's a paradox to wrap your mind around.

2. Withdrawing from somebody, while it's not an agressive form of verbal or physical violence, is equally if not more damning than agressively taking shit out on somebody is. Stop being blind and fooling yourself about it. It's ironically Passive Agressive behavior.

3. Yes, you are trying to rationalize your behavior. You may need to explore rationalizinig your whole damn relationship instead. What do you really want? Yes, I just asked you what do you really want? Are you or are you not happy with or without it? This is shit only you yourself can answer. Nobody else can for you.

4. If your partner doesn't know about it, it's probally cheating, since cheating means doing shit they don't know about. At the very least silence while being passive is another form of deception besides telling a straight up lie.

5. None of us know how your wife will or won't judge or react to things. She may or may not be cool with what you are doing. She could get pissed as hell and want to throw your ass out the door, or she could be 100% supportive of what you are doing. It appears that you yourself don't fully know which way she will go with it. So there's this element of danger or risk involved... which can add to stress but it's also that proverbial rush or fear of being caught or exposed. Even more so if you out yourself to her.

6. Personally for me, and this is just me. I prefer to out myself.










Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: It is not about the sex. (11/22/2017 4:37:51 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Men tend to think cheating is sex. Women tend to be more upset about the emotional betrayal than the physical.

I am wondering if this is true. Most women are quite upset about the sex part, even though the man will claim he has no feelings for the other woman.


I think most people are this way, more upset about the emotional betrayal than the physical. It's just that men have a hard time accepting or expressing it that way compared to women.



CaptR -> RE: It is not about the sex. (12/1/2017 8:52:41 AM)

I'm not so sure denying yourself is the best course of action. Even though you're committing the ultimate act of submission by doing so. This may be considered selfish but are you responsible for your wife's condition? Does your life and happiness count for nothing? Misery loves company and I've never known that to be healthy. It's wonderful to be altruistic but does it really fit? Wrestling with being a "good" or "bad" person is a matter of individual morality. Guilt or empathy, which drives us to do the things we do? Personally, I believe we are responsible first to ourselves before we're able to help others. I don't believe putting your needs into the equation shows a lack of love or support for your wife. Is it criminal to want your own fulfillment? No.



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