Whiplashsmile4
Posts: 2298
Joined: 12/2/2008
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Unable to function how exactly? I'm repeating this damn question again. Also, I'm one of those people which has had and continues to have PTSD since my early childhood. It was so bad that I used to experience waking dream sleep paralysis and believed some demonic fucking force in the world was out to get me. I still managed to get my ass out of bed and go to school every days. OK, so your BDSM experience trainwreacked you. I had to deal with a shit load of repeated abuse attempts or abuse which is ugly as sin. It was mental, physical and Sexual.
It highly rewired up my own brain regarding sexuality with a lot of dark twisted shit. I had to internally wrestle with all the fantasies, urges and desires I was having. I would enjoy them, masterbate to them, get off. Then be horrified if perhaps I really was possessed by a demonic force from within. I didn't understand that this shit was all PTSD and I probally should have seen some kind of damn therapist as kid. Needless to say, I didn't get that kind of help as a kid, and this went into my teenage years.
Then I ended up doing more and more crazy BDSM activities with the girl next door, which was my best friend at the time. We both ended up scheming up things to do, and it was mindblowing amazing a lot of the first experiences. But, what we had going between us... was a lot of communication and true respect for one another. However this allowed me to safely unleash the inner sadist beast and the darkness. In a manner which was positive. It was a godsend to fully comprehend that there are girls out there which desire to be willing victims. It was safe, and I question the sanity of many things, it was in a controlled like manner, with a lot of communication between us. We both truly adored one another for the twisted and even the fun twisted things we ended up doing. It's pretty intense when you do horrid things to one and after it's all said and done with... to be able to receive their kindness, caring and respect.
One thing without question is that we eased into doing things, and gradually built up the levels and intensities of things going on. This was without having any damn guides manuals nor advice from anybody. Communication saves ass, actually being connected with somebody when doing things helps save ass, taking your time with things, also saves ass too.
I'm not certain what the fuck happened with your first spins with BDSM. Perhaps it was too much too soon and you mentally were not prepared for it. As resident Sadist already express, PTSD is not something he'd want anybody to have as a take away. Neither would I. However, I'm well aware of how much of a challenge it is to mentally process things right after they happen. If you don't have enough time to yourself to process things mentally and continue to rush, I can understand how a mental Trainwreck can unfold.
There are some other things which caused me PTSD to various degrees. Nothing like a few near death experiences and such. There's a lot of things which can cause Post Traumatic Stress. It's actually anything which is extremely stressful to deal with. Somebody posted about a bad relationship Breakup. Hell, some relationships can cause Traumatic stress, or even periods of time when one is faced with multiple life changing stress events.
Then there are the people which had to go off and fight in these Wars and Miltary actions. So many people are dealing with Post Traumatic Stress in our society than you can shake a stick at.
A therapist can only do so much for people too. In fact there's a hell of a lot of work you need to do yourself. Which is becoming aware of the PTSD states you are in when you are experiencing them. Learn to become aware when it hits. It's not always some direct mental flashback image coming at you either, because some things may be repressed.
I became aware of the fact, I had repressed memories due to a few surprise ones popping back up, as wicked flashback moments. My ass was all over buying books about how to deal with and open up Repressed memories. There's a shit ton of books in the Self help section of the Bookstore. Nowadays there's massive selection of books on Amazon.
I do know this much, if you have a damn problem or issue. It's up to you to take some responsibility and try to fix it or deal with it head on. Simply kicking back, not doing jack shit and expecting for the issue to magically fucking go away won't fix jack fucking shit.
Yes, I'm on one of my Epic rants. It's been awhile too.
Some people actually just go for the Medication without doing jack shit of anything else in taking on their issues head on. Drugs often are just bandaids, peel them off and you bleed again.
I will tell you straight up now. You can not go back to the being the same person you were before. However, you need to push past the person you are now with this, and discover the person you need to become.
We don't get a free pass to use some time machine to change what happened. This is the harsh reality of life.
A big problem with many people in general is that they whine like helpless bitches about shit, yet do nothing to change jack shit. Some people I'm convinced simply enjoy sitting around punching themselves in their own cunts and announcing it to the damn world over and over and over again.
This is Self-Defeating Gridlock, go nowhere behavior too.
The most important thing you need to do, Is believe in yourself. Believe in yourself. Because that's the most important person which needs to believe in you. simply believing in yourself, is enough for you to face your fears or whatever you need to deal with or do.
END OF RANT.
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Жизнь ума ебет.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0
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Ptsd after trying bdsm - 
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