I don't really agree with this.
I was into BDSM since a kid. But I never seriously actively pursued BDSM that heavily till after my divorce to a vanilla marriage.
Because as a kid, I figured, I am gonna teach a man BDSM, and how could any man not like it?
Especially when I am a submissive and he is gonna "Da Boss".
But I learn, yes, there are men who hates it. Like my ex-husband. As my ex-husband fell inlove with my vanilla personality which is very strong willed, and always want to be the decision maker. And he didn't like this other side of me that wanted him to lead.
So only after marriage, did I start pursuing BDSM more heavily. But it's not on a wimp. Just through life experience that you couldn't teach a man what to be what you would enjoy him to be.
It's because prior to marriage, I always believed I couldn't believe a man would reject his wife wanting to be his sex slave right?
I think whether this happen from mid life or young. And like learning anything. They just gotta trust and be confident of themselves of what they are into, and not worry about what the "old timers" think. As anybody who says BDSM can only occur in a CERTAIN WAY should not even be taken seriously. And that person is probably full of shit despite his 20 or 30 years of "experience". People should just start seeing it as a red flag.
And mean people are red flags period. For vanilla or BDSM. Even people into extreme Sadism can be the nicest people in the world, because they are cognizant that being a sadist doesn't mean they gotta be an asshole 24/7 to people who are not masochist.