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Safe, sane and consensual - 9/15/2023 7:44:35 AM   
Charles6682


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I remember bringing this topic up many years ago when collarchat was more active. What shit storm that was. Overwhelming majority didn't care for it. That said alot about this community. Frankly, when collarchat crashed, I figured that's karma. This community would not be able to give horrible advice to newcomers. You know what really sucks? Having safe words ignored. Screw that. Im so glad I matured enough to still stick with my guy feeling. I only care for sensual/Soft Dommes nowadays anyways. Finally found someone who has a heart heart ❤ So I now literally believe stronger than ever in SSC. Anyone who mocks that or at least RACK, sends immediate red flags. I like being positive people. ✌

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RE: Safe, sane and consensual - 9/16/2023 8:06:02 AM   
JVoV


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Safe? I want Cirque dw Soleil kinda slaves, that don't need a net. Or do you mean wearing rubbers? Kinda takes the fun out of it. Check into PReP.

Sanity is pure fiction. Everybody's head is all fucked up, you just gotta find a crazy that compliments yours. OCDshaming is real.

That leaves us with consensual. There are multiple thoughts on this, and it really depends on the people involved in the relationship. I don't believe in safewords for slaves. For subs, sure. Either way, limits need to be discussed prior to action, and everyone involved needs to respect those limits. Some can be vague, like no permeant damage. That actually covers a lot, meaning no chainsaw kink, nothing that messes up their credit score, stuff like that.

Limits are to be respected and honored, even as they may be pushed.

I believe that when a guy fully strips, kneels before me, and presents himself as my slave, that is all the consent I need from him for anything that isn't a limit we've discussed. And if he doesn't like it, he's free to leave.

But I make this clear to any prospective slaves and that has never been a deal breaker.

For subs, there should be more of a structured plan, so that everyone knows what to expect.

But there are so many things in between meeting a sub for a session and keeping a gimp in the attic. I choose not to tell people how to fuck if I'm not fuckung them.

But it all boils down to basic honesty and communication. Be real about what you expect and what you're capable of handling. Sadly, it's necessary for the chat beforehand to be fairly clinical, so that the actual relationship can be the fantasy.

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RE: Safe, sane and consensual - 9/16/2023 8:52:02 PM   
Charles6682


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I do believe in SSC but I don't believe I'm forcing it on people. I do think it's good for beginners. When I was newer, I was just asking questions. I don't even care really at this point. If this sparks a debate and gets any reaction on here on this site, then it's worth it. Collar Chat use to be very active. Hopefully it can again.
.

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RE: Safe, sane and consensual - 9/17/2023 4:42:49 AM   
JVoV


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Why should there be a debate? Perhaps a discussion, but ultimately, everyone has their own decision to make.

The words safe, sane, and consensual are easy to say, but what do they even mean?

Consensual is fairly cut and dry. We can't just go around bopping the subs on the head, dragging them to our dungeon to serve our needs. There are laws against that sort of thing. As much as the fantasy of it all can be intoxicating for some, the reality of rape is never good.

Sane is harder to pin down. Personally, I think everyone needs to see a shrink now and then, just to be honest with themselves about what they want and who they want to be. Getting some honest feedback about yourself is rarely a bad thing.

Safe may be the hardest thing to define. This will always have different meanings for people, depending on their lives and what they want. I see no point in bungee jumping or skydiving, but people do both without injury everyday. Meanwhile, hospitals and cemeteries get new business from people that were being 'safe'. Life is a calculated risk. It's important to minimize the possibility of danger, but it can be impossible to avoid it.

Anytime you meet someone new, there is the potential of them being bad for you. Not meeting someone could be just as bad though.

There isn't a place in the profiles for chainsaw fetish. There's probably a site for that somewhere though. I could never voluntarily be an s-type, far too many trust issues and Stephen King books.

Safety is different for all of us though. I don't have to worry about getting pregnant, so I haven't asked about the pill. I can eat peanut butter without worrying if there's an epi-pen around too, but I'm allergic to bees so I have one anyway.

SSC should be the beginning of the conversation, as it has a unique meaning to each of us. But hopefully, that's just the beginning of the conversation.

I'm sure you mean well, but there really is no 'one twu way'.

< Message edited by JVoV -- 9/17/2023 4:49:02 AM >

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RE: Safe, sane and consensual - 9/17/2023 8:04:28 PM   
Charles6682


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I do think it's healthy to talk about it in constructive debate. There is also RACK and other catchy letters. For one fetish has become more mainstream even in the last 10 years. Newcomers will ask these questions and they deserve fair, honest answers. This is a good platform for that. Collarchat as it was called. It is interesting reading old messages from 10 to 15 years ago. Some of the post I made. I've used Collarspace formerly known as Collarme, in some fashion in almost 20 years. It's still active. I am glad the collarchat part is at least back up again. Loads of good information looking back. I didn't always with everything but that's ok. I can agree to disagree.

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RE: Safe, sane and consensual - 9/19/2023 8:23:09 AM   
JVoV


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Ok boomer.

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RE: Safe, sane and consensual - 9/19/2023 2:22:59 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1788
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I'm a millennial. Granted, im an older millennial as I was born in the early 1980s. Age does bring some wisdom

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RE: Safe, sane and consensual - 9/19/2023 11:31:33 PM   
JVoV


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Nah, age just brings arthritis. Wisdom is knowing that you can't possibly have the answers for everyone because there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Every relationship is unique, because every person is. SSC is valid, but each individual has to determine what it means for them. This is why limits are important, as is communication. The s-types should be able to state their interests and their absolute limits, as should the Dominants. Traditional gender roles are completely invalid. Some chicks have dicks, whether they were born with it or keep it in the nightstand drawer. Some guys dress up in princess dresses and wear Jimmy Choos. Some people are gender fluid or nonbinary, some are bisexual or experimenting, some are just gay AF.

SSC is basically common sense, as it's important to take precautions when meeting an for the first time.

The only authority in these matters are the people involved. What someone else does may not seem safe or sane to me, because it isn't what I would do, and vice versa. So any blanket statements or advice, no matter how well intended is kinda dumb.

Sure, there are nunches and sites like this for kinky people to meet up, but private chats still happen.

So let SSC be your advice, but tailor it to the individual and there needs. Your general tone makes me want to stick out my tongu and say "you are not the boss of me".

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RE: Safe, sane and consensual - 9/20/2023 11:03:21 AM   
Charles6682


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From: Saint Pete,FL
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I probably should have worded this better. I forgot Collarspace doesn't allow edit after a certain point. I'll state here that it meant as a constructive conversation about it. I didn't mean to come off as my way or the highway. Besides, people in fetish are going to do what they want anyways. There are no lists set in stone for how to do fetish. Now there are laws in place to prevent abuse. That's got the system to work that one out

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RE: Safe, sane and consensual - 2/9/2024 7:15:04 PM   
LadyPact


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Why not read what David Stein, the man who is credited with the acronym, had to say?

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RE: Safe, sane and consensual - 2/19/2024 9:25:34 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1788
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
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I simply mean someone who has some ethics. I don't care if it's SSC, RISK, etc. Point is, I will never submit to some lunatic who only gets off on people suffering. There's a good reason why things like safe words aren't around. If safe words are ignored, forget it. Go find someone else

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RE: Safe, sane and consensual - 2/22/2024 8:52:05 PM   
JVoV


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Well, you'd probably never submit to someone you suspect of being a lunatic, by choice anyway.

It's not just sanity and intention that needs to be questioned, but experience as well. If the only time a Dom has seen a whole in action is while watching Indiana Jones flicks, it probably isn't a good idea to be the first test subject. Learning how to tie a knot in the Boy Scouts doesn't really prepare you for Shobari either.

There are always risks involved for both parties. Or however many parties is at the party. You have to consider the possible risks beforehand, and minimize them as much as possible.

I tend to overthink things though.

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