RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex (Full Version)

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MasterKalif -> RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex (8/1/2006 11:17:25 PM)

for me personally there is a strong connection between bdsm and sex...this lifestyle would have little attraction to me if I did not get some gratification in some way. The dynamics of sexual activity have in a way to do with submission and being in charge. I think amayos has stated this very clearly.



domtimothy46176 -> RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex (8/1/2006 11:29:23 PM)

I dunno, for me, living is sensual and I feel more alive for having freed myself of so many behavioral limitations.  I'm quite unashamed to say that I enjoy the sexual fringe benefits of owning toy.  The ability to exert my authority over her is not overtly sexual in itself, outside of actual sexual activity, but the knowledge that she is available as my sexual plaything is always there. 
While I concur with those in the "It's not about sex" camp, I don't disagree with Amayos' observation.  Strip us of our sex drives and many would likely find WIITWD less appealling.  Not all, to be sure, but many.  As Freud theorized, our sexual identity plays a large role in how we react to enviromental stimuli.
Based on my personal observations, I believe the majority feel that sex is a component of BDSM, although not necessarily the primary consideration.
Timothy



twicehappy -> RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex (8/2/2006 4:43:25 AM)

The bdsm part of our lifestyle is about sex, the M/s part is not.



KennelDeSade2 -> RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex (8/2/2006 6:20:56 AM)

I've done some of my most intense scenes where I never so much as undid a button on my shirt, let alone bothered with sex. But my MOST intense, did have sex as some part of the entire scene.
Required?  No.
Desired?  Not always.
Excluded? Rarely.
Used to good effect?  Almost always.



BenignPlague -> RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex (8/2/2006 6:30:11 AM)

My life in this respect, while it may have sexual elements to bdsm, does not include sex (for the most part, 99% of the time).

As a switch, my motivations for the two activities vary...

I enjoy submission as a means of physical and psychological conditioning; a sort of body hardening and preperation for the business world's necessary obedience.

As for dominance, I get a charge from the art of it all, from having a person become my living canvas, to shape her moans and shrieks, color the tone of her flesh as I see fit and the like.

Sex for me is and always has been a romantic thing for people I love and trust.  Sometimes that's a kinky partner, but more often, I view BDSM as a playful hobby, but one that I am deeply involved in.

Sure, not as socially acceptable as building model planes, but I like hanging things from my ceiling too.... ;)



Mercnbeth -> RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex (8/2/2006 7:03:10 AM)

quote:

do you associate your BDSM lifestyle, scenes or however you enjoy this with sex?


whipped,
Is it all about the physical act of sex in some form or fashion? No.

It is all about sensuality. To me, and fortunately for beth too, our M/s dynamic is 24/7 foreplay. Sometimes it leads to a physical sex act, sometimes a physical BDSM activity, often it leads to both. The dynamic generates eroticism. Our "rules", daily rituals, and interactions stimulate mental and emotional sexual electricity. Our compatibility on this level is one of the reasons we find it easy to maintain a 24/7 M/s relationship.

But I wouldn't say we are "always on". To me that implies that we are acting in our roles. I think we are just "always us", being free to live true to our nature. We compared relationship notes when we first met. One of the things we had in common was that our prior partners thought we were "sluts". Well when two "sluts" get together it's pretty sexual. Combining that with having compatible BDSM desires and you end up having a hell of a good time!

We just wish we didn't take so long to find each other. We've both committed that in the next life we'd live next door to each other and play doctor while growing up.



raiken -> RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex (8/2/2006 7:43:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

Sexuality is often linked to the form of human dominance and submission we speak about, but not always in the immediately discernable way many envision in sensational BDSM scenarios. I feel the stratum from where sexuality lends its deeper influence is a vastly complex world of the braided relations between the mind and the neuroendocrine, of the cognitive and animal portions of one's brain—where imagination, ego, elaborate emotion and instinctual desire cannot be so easily parsed and separated. I feel if we were to strip sexuality from us, our topography of behavior and motive would change dramatically—even among those who don't believe sexuality plays any role at all in what they do.


i agree.  It begins in my mind at first, and i do have a wonderful imagination.  But then, my mind joins with my body, and it is a whole littany of sensations and stimuli working in conjunction with each other, but yet i can, only at times ,been able to feel when they separate and when they join.  i have been taken to that primal place, where i was reduced to a beast, and i felt like it, and if i wasn't bound, i may have attacked.  But to me, that is more than just the cognitive or the physical, it seems there was a bit more.  i believe that our sexuality is the primal drive (much like a low level assembly language) that brings us together, and like you said, there are those who will disagree, but the subtle nuances and gestures are always there, as in the body cannot lie, no matter what the brain and mouth are saying.



TreSwank -> RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex (8/2/2006 7:47:52 AM)

For some of us, BDSM is the ONLY way we can get "heated up" enough to have intercourse.



MasterRoissey -> RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex (8/2/2006 8:55:19 AM)

I can not separate My need for BDSM/power exchange from the psychosexual... although it certainly does not need to involve the physical acts of "sex" everytime.



amayos -> RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex (8/2/2006 8:59:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: raiken

. . . but the subtle nuances and gestures are always there, as in the body cannot lie, no matter what the brain and mouth are saying.


Very well said. I believe sexuality has its tendril in many of the things we do, including what we may consider unrelated. When speaking of dominance and submission, it's influence is usually in the mix—even if you merely serve as a simple house servant for a Lord or Lady. The psychosexual portion of one's mind is a very large and shadowy web.






Lordandmaster -> RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex (8/2/2006 9:11:16 AM)

FastReply here--

Let me get this straight.  I'm still allowed to fuck my slave, right?

And, like, enjoy it too?

Just checking.



amayos -> RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex (8/2/2006 9:17:53 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

FastReply here--

Let me get this straight.  I'm still allowed to fuck my slave, right?

And, like, enjoy it too?

Just checking.



Send pics, please. Thanks.



Taylore -> RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex (8/2/2006 9:18:14 AM)

quote:

do you associate your BDSM lifestyle, scenes or however you enjoy this with sex?

No. Sex may, sometimes, at Masters wish, be a part of it, but it is a very small part of our relationship.



yourMissTress -> RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex (8/2/2006 9:24:56 AM)

For Me, BDSM and M/s are all about how I express and experience My sexuality.  It doesn't mean that I can't have sex without BDSM, nor does it mean that I have sex every single time that I engage in some form of BDSM.  Sexuality and sensuality are the underlying currents that run through My M/s relationship, as well as any kind of BDSM that I engage in.  Sexuality and sensuality are what attracted Me to BDSM in the first place. 
 
There has to be some kind of sexual tension or chemistry in order for Me to be fully and completely involved and connected in any kind of play.  I can still swing a flogger or whip or what-have-you without it, it's just not as much fun for Me. 



Tikkiee -> RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex (8/2/2006 9:59:04 AM)

Speaking only for myself, sex has absolutly nothing to do with my relationship with pain [:)] 



LaTigresse -> RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex (8/2/2006 10:28:37 AM)

I can get totally into sadistic mode without any sexual thrills at all. Then there is the whole dominant bossy bitch nurturing thing that is sometimes sexual and sometimes not. Just depends on the people involved and the dynamics between them.



beenwhipped -> RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex (8/2/2006 11:28:22 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Even if they say "It's not about sex!" the fact is that they would not choose to engage in bdsm or in a relationship with someone who was not of a compatible sexual orientation- which means on some level sex is a part of their choice.
for me personaly this is not accurate, i am hetero, and quite secure in it. I have been flogged by men and by women, and i have to say that a man has given me the greatest beating to date.

now do i compleatly seperate S&M from sex? no, when involved with one the other is almost like desert. nice but not required



leatherorlace -> RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex (8/6/2006 12:37:04 AM)

Maybe I'll look for an adobe hacienda closeby so that, I can show you how to use those speculums. heheheheheeee
Gentry

We just wish we didn't take so long to find each other. We've both committed that in the next life we'd live next door to each other and play doctor while growing up.

_____________________________

Merc & beth



SexyRed -> RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex (8/6/2006 8:07:28 AM)

For me, BDSM is all about the expression of my sexuality. It is so intertwined, that I cannot think of one without the other. If I think about sex, I think about BDSM. If I think about BDSM, I think about sex. I consider BDSM to be the trigger to my sexual arousal.



SCORPIOXXX -> RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex (8/6/2006 8:19:58 AM)

I am totally with SexyRed on this one -- and others who feel the same way! While I can enjoy sexuality at any level (including the "mellower" vanilla times) there just is nothing like the intensity and emotional bond that BDSM sexuality brings to two people!!!

I simply do not understand how or why some can separate BDSM from sex: it is so primal, so entrenched in the ancient reptilian part of our brains and selves that I feel thos who do separate them are lieing to themselves, however unconsciously they may do so...

Geeze Red! Wish we didn't have a continent between us, lol!



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