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domtimothy46176 -> RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging potential in submissives (8/2/2006 10:37:30 PM)
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I remember reading about how Dominants (or Dommes) sometimes re-channel what they consider negative behavior in their submissives and am wondering if anyone has examples regarding how they have accomplished this.
When toy first came to me she was extremely reluctant to voice her opinions when they ran counter to my own. For me, this was simply unacceptable. I demand intellectual honesty and require meaningful discourse on a variety of topics. When I was able to determine the underlying cause of her reticence, her perception of herself as intellectually inferior and the subsequent fear of disappointing me and embarassing herself, I simply reversed the scenerio. I stressed how much more disappointing it would be if she refused to share her thoughts with me while reinforcing the idea that I required intellectual companionship, not a mimicry. Over time, my emotional support, coupled with my unrelenting insistence on her opinions, helped her to feel freer to express herself.
I've been fortunate in my choice of toy, she is a very good match for me. Most times I am able to steer her into what I consider more appropriate behavioral paths by simply educating her on what I prefer and why I find it to be more suitable. I would think this should be effective for most anyone who possesses a genuine desire to serve. Compassionate guidance, coupled with clear expectations, is my prescriptrion for most any type of training.
How does a Dominant (or Domme) gauge whatever potential their submissive has?
I use the same gut instinct I've used when hiring. Folks either come across as suitable or unsuitable. The difference in gauging a submissive's potential lies in the criteria one is judging. When evaluating a potential submissive, I need to know why she's seeking to serve, what the payoff is for her. That one piece of information is critical for me. Sometimes the answer isn't verbal, sometimes it's the subtle non-verbal reaction to ideas or comments that tells the tales. Most folks are lousy liars, even when they've managed to convince themselves. Body language can tell me a great deal as can listening to the voice.
The more time I spend with a submissive, the better feel I get for what she is really eager for and what is simply a price she's willing to pay. Even so, discovering someone's potential is an ongoing process. Someone who appears, at first blush, to have the potential be a great servitor may ultimately be a massive disappointment. Sometimes things look like more fun than they truly are and I can't blame someone who is hot to try something if they find the experience less than satisfactory.
I hope that helps answer your question. If I misjudged what you were looking for, please clarify and I'll take another stab at it.
Timothy
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