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Mavis -> RE: Please Help...need confirmation of something (8/4/2006 3:32:07 AM)
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WOw. So many mis-perceptions of how swinging is practiced.. it's not half as scarey as it sounds. Remember what you thought when you first heard people hit each other for kicks,.. compared to what you know of BDSM lifestlye now .. or what you thought of when you heard "slave" yet now you want to be one. suspend the what you think you know for long enough to find out how He attends these things.
First, the assumption that swingers just fuck others willy-nilly is silly. while there are a percentage of those who enjoy sex with near-strangers, MOST don't share a partner with someone they don't know WELL. Doms and Masters loan out their subs and slaves for others to top with less consideration sometimes.
Disease: we DO use condoms. please. Even if nobody else does, you can.
Most people have regular play partners, take months to get comfy with each other, and some never go beyond flirting andkissing. Just like BDSM, we all have lines, and each couple has their own operating rules. These are discussed between couples, usually the ladies handle those negotiations, and often, over weeks of making friends.
Usually, this is a female dominated realm. The ladies tend to decide on play partners, and always hold the stop line. Also, agreeing to play with certain partners does NOT give blanket permission to pick up a chick at Wal-Mart and proceed as if single. The primary relationship is better respected in most swing circles i know than in BDSM circles.
Most likely, there will be no more pressure to get sexual with the others at this gathering than there would be to play at a BDSM play party. Most of the people that go are also there to get to know people, not to have an orgy.
When there IS an orgy, can bet swingers will advertise it that way. Any gathering primarily meant for PLAY is always designated as such. Swingers like to know if they're going to BBQ or get naked. (just the nature of these things, women need to knwo if it's going to be aroud cycle time, the guys might need to know if they need to pack viagra, will there be alcohol served? etc.
Many "swingers" are also poly. we have levels of open or closed circles, and mostly, bonded relationships that are closed circles last for years. (usually done as a 3 some, where a single gal joins a couple, but is also free to seek/ date/ enjoy single man and look for her lifemate)
Swinging is NOT the same as swapping, which is exclusivly 2 couples that exhange partners for a play session.
Go on along and meet "His friends" and don't feel bad about holding firmly to not being ready to DO anything, nobody there will think any less of you. From the ladies side, we consider women that willl just jump in to please thier male partner as risky play-friends. The ladies will respect you more if you wait til you're comfortable. They tend to distrust women that will "do anything" to please a man, because it could mean you won't observe the womens code. Any man bringing a date and pressuring her will be given the same lack of respect. So i would say in this case, you have party support for not taking this as a slave-assignment.
Anyway, i'd resist making any huge changes to your relationship til after you've gone to see what he's trying to show you. THEN you're armed and ready if you don't feel you've been given all His truth.
{edited to fix typos}
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