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Suleiman -> RE: Anally speaking... *and beggin and cryin and and* (12/15/2004 7:53:05 AM)
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When it comes to broaching the subject with your top, some times the best method is just candid honesty. Tell him that you want to try again. You've been doing some research, and while it's still a little scary, you want to keep going until this is something that you can do for him.
As to actually taking it in, Personally, I enjoy the fact that it occasionally hurts like hell. While honestly more service oriented than masochistic, I have a tremendous ability to endure and enjoy pain - as long as I'm allowed to whimper, cry, or otherwise suffer through it. I can actually stoically endure it as well, but that's no fun and involves simply shutting off my awareness of my body.
First and foremost, you need to learn to quell your anxiety. I remember the first time I got fisted, I was so nervous that my arm fell asleep - I was so nervous, I constricted the blood flow to my arms by tensing up my biceps. Which leads me to the next thing. Isometric control. Even after you've mastered your basic fear and nervousness, there's still the fact that, in all honesty, god didn't intend for things to go in that way. What I'm about to tell you is kind of gross, but it's the only way I've ever been able to clearly explain how to isolate the muscles in your anal sphincter:
Pay close attention the next time you take a crap.
That's the only time your sphincter muscles release. Learn that sensation, pay close attention to what you do and how you do it. Later, either alone or the next time you convince your dom to try again, start out with a single finger and a little lube. Focus on the muscles there, and try to grip the finger. You'll find that tightening up is much easier than releasing, that's okay. This is just practice for learning to control the muscles. When you work up to a second finger, try to release as it comes in, exactly as you would if you were on the toilet. Grip as it slides our, release as it pushes in. It's a little difficult for most people to get the hang of, but once you do, you'll be able to accomodate objects of almost any size, given a little time and patience.
My wife, unlike myself, is no fan of anal insertion. Oddly enough, in her case, fingers and toys just make it worse. Her discomfort is far more emotional than physical, and a slow buildup just gives her time to think about what's going on. She gets upset at the idea of something going in there, and then she tenses up. I find the best way to keep her able to accomodate even my modest self is to mantain a high state of arousal. Actually, that's true for me too. Being turned on really does make the whole process easier. Being too turned on to really think about what's happening, but rather to simply react to it, is the way my wife has found to enjoy- rather than simply endure - my occasional need to bugger her.
You may also want to try some of the new warming lubricant that's being touted. I find that it tends to help muscles to relax and stretch when they might otherwise be unwilling to do so on their own. Or, if it turns out you enjoy chemical play, move up to something a bit more intense such as tiger balm (make sure to test a little bit first to gauge how you react to it).
Any way, I'm sure you can find tons of advice, here and elsewhere. There's a couple of other anal sex topics posted just this month, and many more in the archives.
~S
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