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afeathr -> RE: Pride Issues Common? (8/4/2006 5:06:56 PM)
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Somehow you are under the impression that your failure to call Him "Master" all of the time says that you are not submissive. You yourself said that you have only been in the scene a few months, that's really not very long to try to change your mentality about what you call someone or even how you feel about the situation as a whole. I'll give you a great example:
I am not allowed, ever, to open a door (car, restaurant, house, whathaveyou) when I am with Sir. He opens the door, pulls out my chair, escorts me everywhere we go, etc etc. I *love* this, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I slip up and accidentally open the car door, or the restaurant door, mostly just because it's habit and sometimes because it's more convenient for *Him*. However, I get punished everytime I slip up even when I say that I am sorry, I remembered, etc. Now, the other night I slipped up. I accidentally opened the car door and Sir caught me. I didn't ask not to be punished, but for some odd reason I felt like an idiot the entire night. My ego was at an all time low, and I am truly very proud of being submissive and owned by Him. He punished me, and I was a wreck the rest of the night for no apparent reason. Even now I am not sure why I was so messed up.
My point being two things: 1) give yourself slack on the learning curve as far as what you call Him; 2) sometimes, as women of the modern world, we have to evaluate and reevaluate our feelings about being submissive to a man. I see that as COMPLETELY normal. We are often so brainwashed by societal norms about what a woman should and should not be that we lose ourselves in what society has told us is proper. You have said yourself that you are a strong woman. So am I. I have pride in my accomplishments. That doesn't mean that my pride gets in the way of my submission, but it does mean that occasionally I have to reevaluate my feelings about the situation and come to terms with myself over various scenarios. I think this is something that many women do in our situation and in our society.
That being said as far as what you call yourself online: you can call yourself whatever as long as your Master approves of it. If he has no preference, then he should grant you permission to do what you would like. In my case, I capitalize to show my respect for Sir, but He really doesn't care one way or the other.
Good Luck to you.
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