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RE: What would you do? - 8/9/2006 8:13:41 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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In response to the OP: I think partly that would depend on why they disliked it. Something like cleaning, or chores, I dont care if they like they are still doing. Something like public humiliation where they couldnt deal with how it made them feel, I might give thema little leeway. Something that the physical sensation was completely unpleasant, I wuold probably not ask for again. It would depend on how important the act was that they disliked, too. But, at least to me, if we arent both enjoying what we do, to and for one another, it loses some of the allure.

DV

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RE: What would you do? - 8/9/2006 10:04:27 PM

RexLongBeach

Posts: 58
Joined: 10/30/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MZCsDeZire
What if you slave/submissive has submitted to everythingyou have ever asked of her. Not to say that it was very easy BUT it was done. Now that the bottom has submitted to everything many times she really has a distaste for some of the things and they really bother your bottom. Would you still contiune to make them doing even though they have already submitted to that action?

The answers, as you've noted, vary from Dom to Dom. It's easy for the Dom to play the "my way or the highway" card if the "my way" is his highest value in the relationship.

However, that isn't always the case. If the Dom wants a relationship to last years and years, wants a happy house, and wants an emotionally healthy and growing submissive, then the he's going to realize that over time, the submissive is going to change. If he's growing, he's going to change too. Pretending these changes don't/won't/can't exist works for a little while, but not over the long term.

I'm not suggesting that it's all about what the sub wants. Nor am I saying that once served, always served.

I'm just saying that if something's really, really chapping your hide, there are only two ways things can go: you're either going to get angry and frustrated, and eventually leave (or your service and devotion will decline to where he asks you to leave)... or he's going to stop requiring that of you.

He can take his pick.

Rex

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RE: What would you do? - 8/10/2006 3:38:58 AM

LeatherBentOne

Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
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I agree with RavenMuse, something I frequently do.

Of course, I would expect my sub to do as I ask, provided no hard limits are violated and no undue harm is caused. That's what obedience means to me. Besides that, during our primary relationship negotiation and our Sunday morning "temparature taking" meetings, my sub knows what I expect and will not tolerate. Thus, she doesn't step beyond them because she has given me consent. And I will use her and that consent in any way that pleases me, not her.

Sorry, you didnt get the response you were hoping for and perhaps you may want to consider why you asked the question in the first place. Do some serious soul-searching.

Good luck on your journey,
LeatherBentOne

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RE: What would you do? - 8/10/2006 7:25:02 AM

juliaoceania

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Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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Fast Reply.

In my opinion this is where having some basis of experience is helpful before forming a dynamic, because you have an idea of the things that you enjoy and the things you do not enjoy. You have a sense of hard and soft limits too. I knew certain things about myself before I started the dynamic I am involved in now. I let him know these things before we ever went there. He had an attitude that he wouldn't ask me to do anything he wouldn't be willing to do himself.. it is a concept he believes a leader should follow (this is for himself and he doesn't press his beliefs on others or judge others for having different leadership structures). I cannot imagine that he would press me to do anything that I was completely squicked by, if I tried it a bunch of times and it never got any better I cannot imagine him demanding I keep doing it. There are certain positions, for example, that I find painful. He doesn't push me to do those positions.. but I am determined one day I will do them! I push myself, he doesn't need to push me I guess.

I am not saying that other people are "wrong" for how they want to do something, but I guess a submissive has to make a judgment about what sort of dynamic is best for them before they enter it. They need to think about this long and hard before the blush is off the rose of a new relationship and they are stuck doing things they find revolting. It is hard for a new submissive to know what they will want to do, where they will want to go, and how long it should take to get there. A dominant is the guide to pushing past limits and showing the submissive those things that she never knew would give her pleasure, and they give her even more pleasure because her dominant enjoys them too. It is quite a responsibility for a dom to take on a novice because of this, because she may develop limits that she did not previously have, or lower limits that she thought were hard, and this makes bringing on a novice very touche indeed. It takes sensitivity too.

My Daddy has said I am like a tool, use me for a purpose I am not suited and I am liable to break, he doesn't want to break me. With him I push my squicky limits all on my own...all he has to do is suggest something and I am game to at least try it. But in my first dynamic there was this "you will do as I say, even if your intuition is screaming STOP". It destroyed what I had with my first dominant, pushing me past my soft limits, because I no longer trusted him on a deep level.

This is just my experience, and everyone has a different one.

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