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Maybe an old thread- Subs being unreal - 8/6/2006 6:32:53 PM

MasterReal2006

Posts: 1
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline

I have been to many personal sites over the past 10 years and a topic comes up all of the time (and seems to being whorse now).
A sub that is being unreal.!..
They either expect a Master/Dom to be as in stories posted on story sites. Or they label themselves as (whatever) when they are not. (I.e. Slaves with many, many limitations.. Painsluts that know little of pain..) There are also many who are of the "31 flavors -Dom of the month" club.

Where did "serving" go? Where did the submissiveness go?

They all "say" they want real, but when they get real it doesn't seem to live up to their fantasies.

Post #: 1

RE: Maybe an old thread- Subs being unreal - 8/6/2006 6:35:14 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

It happens all the time, in all types of relationships, on all sides of the slashes.

The people who make it work are the ones who are working.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MasterReal2006)

Post #: 2

RE: Maybe an old thread- Subs being unreal - 8/6/2006 7:17:07 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

It's fairly basic, when you are new and 'interested'. You have a feel for what dominant is, what submissive is, in terms of labels. You know something of yourself which side of the coin you fall, but you don't really see the big picture until it's shown to you.

It's unfair to criticize someone who doesn't know any better. The other thing that often happens is that, on CollarMe and other sites, people tend to judge compatibility with others (and even within themselves) on the laundry list of 'interests' (BDSM). Many times, it is the lack of experience, and moreso insight, as to how some of these interests can be utilized in ways they never imagined. Plus, through exposure and opening up the mind, the interests broaden over time. Sometimes quicker than not.

It's good that new people are interested in what we do. Some won't stay. But a lot of that lies in how they are approached.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to MasterReal2006)

Post #: 3

RE: Maybe an old thread- Subs being unreal - 8/6/2006 9:03:59 PM

dsalphabunny

Posts: 33
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

Real life never lives up to fantasy. Period. Both sides of the equations need to understand that. Some are here just for the fantasy aspect. Online, safe and secure in their own home they can be whoever they want to be. they sign up, give an email, today they are a pain slut tomorrow a Domme, maybe both at the same time depending on which email they are checking (hopefully they wont get so confused as to answer their own profiles

) and if that is what they want they deserve it. its not what You want, and truthfully it isn't what i want either, but there is nothing wrong with them playing, trying out hats, deciding which one they like. As long as they don't let their little fantasy go so far as to hurt someone else. Now they do make it hard for those looking for something real, but they are going to be where ever You go, so just wade through, talk to the ones that interest You, and go on with life.

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 4

RE: Maybe an old thread- Subs being unreal - 8/7/2006 6:00:21 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

What you say is very true to an extent; i see this from dominants as well.

I think a lot of it comes from folks with little or no real time experience, only what they have read or seen online. In real life you go to work, the dishes must be done and your partner wakes up with bad breath. You never find those facts in the fantasys.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to MasterReal2006)

Post #: 5

RE: Maybe an old thread- Subs being unreal - 8/7/2006 6:08:05 AM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

What you say is very true to an extent; i see this from dominants as well.

I think a lot of it comes from folks with little or no real time experience, only what they have read or seen online. In real life you go to work, the dishes must be done and your partner wakes up with bad breath. You never find those facts in the fantasys.

So does that mean I'm the only one with fantasys containing hundereds of dirty dishes? Darn

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 6

RE: Maybe an old thread- Subs being unreal - 8/7/2006 6:17:53 AM

SexyRed

Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterReal2006

I have been to many personal sites over the past 10 years and a topic comes up all of the time (and seems to being whorse now).
A sub that is being unreal.!..
They either expect a Master/Dom to be as in stories posted on story sites. Or they label themselves as (whatever) when they are not. (I.e. Slaves with many, many limitations.. Painsluts that know little of pain..) There are also many who are of the "31 flavors -Dom of the month" club.

Where did "serving" go? Where did the submissiveness go?

They all "say" they want real, but when they get real it doesn't seem to live up to their fantasies.

What on earth is going on today with people asking if subs are REAL or not? What is real???? What does serving have to do with being real? I truly do not understand this pontificating attitude. What do you mean, they say they want it real but when they get real??

This topic is so ludicrous. If someone likes something that I do not like, I don't say that they are UNREAL. I recognize preferences and move on with my life.

If you constantly encounter subs who seem UNREAL to you, then perhaps what you are seeking is simply a fantasy of the PERFECT sub to YOU and thus, you will most likely not find it.

The sweeping generalizations that run rampant here. I have been involved in this lifestyle ever since I was a teenager. I have been only in REAL relationships.

Therefore I am a real submissive in the unique way that represents ME.

Unreal subs, my ass.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!

(in reply to MasterReal2006)

Post #: 7

RE: Maybe an old thread- Subs being unreal - 8/7/2006 7:21:01 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Power exchange exists between two people, if they are not your sub then it really isn't up to you to judge the "realness" of the submission they offer another. Submissives come in many different flavors, pick the flavor you like (maybe Service Swirl) and leave the others to another dom that likes what they have to offer. One person's fake is another person's real deal. It really isn't yours to judge unless you think there is only One True Way.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to MasterReal2006)

Post #: 8

RE: Maybe an old thread- Subs being unreal - 8/7/2006 8:03:38 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterReal2006

I have been to many personal sites over the past 10 years and a topic comes up all of the time (and seems to being whorse now).
A sub that is being unreal.!..
They either expect a Master/Dom to be as in stories posted on story sites. Or they label themselves as (whatever) when they are not. (I.e. Slaves with many, many limitations.. Painsluts that know little of pain..) There are also many who are of the "31 flavors -Dom of the month" club.

You have been searching for a sub for 10 years and never went to a munch to find someone when you realized the internet was not doing it for you? I knew after the first 2 week's of placing a personal ad that many were only in fantasyland. Which is why is tarted going outside of that realm to find a partner.
How did you find the lifestyle? On the internet? Suffice to say that is how most other's did as well. Therefore if they have never had a relationship in the past in this realm how are they to know what it would truly be like? That is until they find someone who wants to experiment with them? Odds are at that point they aren't going to like much of what is in their fantasies.
People are vastly different and if you only search in one medium and it isn't doing it for you. You go elsewhere to search.

(in reply to MasterReal2006)

Post #: 9

RE: Maybe an old thread- Subs being unreal - 8/7/2006 8:03:47 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Where did "serving" go? Where did the submissiveness go?

The same place the Dom/Masters that know how to lead & appreciate submission went.

(in reply to MasterReal2006)

Post #: 10

RE: Maybe an old thread- Subs being unreal - 8/7/2006 9:20:05 AM

suggababy23

Posts: 73
Joined: 10/16/2005
Status: offline

Who decides what's real and whats not real?

There are a fair number of relationships that are romantic and fantasy-like and there are others who are more basic and mundane. Does that make either one more real than the other? I don't think so. Perhaps what you really meant was where are the women who are looking for the same type of relationship that you are looking for. We all have different needs and desires and wants for a D/s relationship and simply because my opinion of how the relationship should go is different than yours, it doesn't mean that it isn't any less real.

As for serving...what do you mean? Serving can mean a million things. It could mean getting a drink or rubbing my Dom's feet after his work out. It can even mean just listening to him after he has had a long day in the office. Service hasn't gone anywhere. It's just that what you see and have experienced isn't what you are specifically looking for. It's a long and tedious search. You will have more downs than ups. Just how it goes. I wish you the best of luck in your search for the right one. :)

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 11

RE: Maybe an old thread- Subs being unreal - 8/7/2006 10:59:03 AM

shareinnc

Posts: 116
Joined: 5/1/2006
Status: offline

It's been interesting reading through this forum and the one on the other board on the similar topic.

First, the terms "real" and "true" aggrivate the daylights out of me. We are all adults who have chosen our roles in the D/s dynamic. If someone has chosen to label themselves as submissive, it is their choice and not our responsibility to tell them no they aren't what they say they are.

As for the trappings of submission and service which get tossed around so often on the internet, again these things are subject to the parameters of individual relationship dynamics.

I am a servant and a slave. Am I submissive? Not always. And my idol and friend Vi would proudly support me when I say (as she has many times) one need not be submissive to be a good slave. She certainly isn't and if she were, likely those who love her would wonder what was wrong.

Do I serve just any D-type who wanders by? In simple service (a drink, a cigarette, a snack) yes. It is part of my protocol that I must not refuse simple service to any who ask. But beyond simple service I serve only one man and through him and our businesses the larger leather community.

Do I have limits? Yes. Do I do things I don't like? Yes. Am I the right slave for any dominant? Heck no.

When you limit yourself by being the arbiter of what is real or true you miss out on meeting those who might be right or true for you because at first glance they don't fit your definition.

_____________________________

Check out DV8 Publishing!
http://dv8publishing.com

(in reply to suggababy23)

Post #: 12

RE: Maybe an old thread- Subs being unreal - 8/7/2006 3:10:38 PM

subsa

Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

i find this a very interesting question. it's one i've been grappling with for a while...am i a REAL sub? i think that i am. i'm in a long term relationship that has only recently morphed into a formalized D/s lifestyle. we've discoverd that we've been practicing many of the things often found in this lifestyle all along. i've never had a bdsm experience with anyone else but upon contemplation i've found that many of my other relationships (boss, friends etc..) have the D/s components in them and i'm always the 's'. does this alone qualify me to claim the title sub? or do i need to have more experience before i can lay claim?

(in reply to shareinnc)

Post #: 13

RE: Maybe an old thread- Subs being unreal - 8/7/2006 3:58:17 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I have met and know quite a few very "real" submissives. Just because they and I were not right for each other makes them no less so.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to subsa)

Post #: 14

RE: Maybe an old thread- Subs being unreal - 8/7/2006 4:28:07 PM

pipuncollared

Posts: 4
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline

I remember a conversation, I'm not sure from where. It was along the lines that fantasies could never come true because we would find ourselves discontent. It's like a toddler and a ball. The child wants the ball more then anything but once he gets it he's quick to discard it unsatisfied with the reality of the ball. I guess the subs that stay, and the Dom/mes for that matter, are the ones who can distinguish between reality and fantasy and can still say that they want the ball for what it is.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 15

RE: Maybe an old thread- Subs being unreal - 8/8/2006 8:36:04 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

If I paid too much attention to what was considered *real or true*...... I'd have some awful complex.........LOL

I'm not a real or true anything, apart from a real and true me.

I don't care how close my relationship aligns to some *ideal*.

At least half of what takes place would be regarded as *abusive* by some and I'm not swimming in *submissive* feelings the rest of the time.

A lot of what actually is involved is an undercurrent....

agirl

(in reply to MasterReal2006)

Post #: 16

RE: Maybe an old thread- Subs being unreal - 8/8/2006 9:24:23 AM

MissTlTTYMilk

Posts: 142
Joined: 6/17/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shareinnc

It's been interesting reading through this forum and the one on the other board on the similar topic.

First, the terms "real" and "true" aggrivate the daylights out of me. We are all adults who have chosen our roles in the D/s dynamic. If someone has chosen to label themselves as submissive, it is their choice and not our responsibility to tell them no they aren't what they say they are.

As for the trappings of submission and service which get tossed around so often on the internet, again these things are subject to the parameters of individual relationship dynamics.

I am a servant and a slave. Am I submissive? Not always. And my idol and friend Vi would proudly support me when I say (as she has many times) one need not be submissive to be a good slave. She certainly isn't and if she were, likely those who love her would wonder what was wrong.

Do I serve just any D-type who wanders by? In simple service (a drink, a cigarette, a snack) yes. It is part of my protocol that I must not refuse simple service to any who ask. But beyond simple service I serve only one man and through him and our businesses the larger leather community.

Do I have limits? Yes. Do I do things I don't like? Yes. Am I the right slave for any dominant? Heck no.

When you limit yourself by being the arbiter of what is real or true you miss out on meeting those who might be right or true for you because at first glance they don't fit your definition.

Thanks for this insight. I am fairly new to this forum and have been aggravated by the many labels used in profiles and forum posts. So far, my experiences have been very positive and real as far as sincere messages are concern. Mainly, my experiences have been offline with room to grow. I guess I have been guilty of assuming that the people complainiing about these labels were finding people who were not interested in them. Shame on me for not being more open to others having a variant of experiences on cm. Anyway, your post was very informative to me.

(in reply to shareinnc)

Post #: 17

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