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RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/7/2006 11:31:49 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Such is simply not needed. She hides nothing from Me, I hide nothing from her. If there is a question she needs help from others in formulating before bringing it to me (a rarity, because normaly it is Me helping her find the words) then she will simply ask to be allowed to defer discussing it with me till she has had time to work it out a bit.

She does have one 'private' thing, a personal, pen and paper journal that she brain-dumps to, I know about it but have no wish to read it. If there is something she needs to discuss she raises the matter.... and IF I ever decided I NEEDED to see it it would be brought out, but that would wreck it as a tool and she finds it a useful tool to have so I am VERY unlikely ever to do so.

As for me, this is my only CM account and ANY question I ask is there for her (Or anyone else) to read

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 21

RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/7/2006 6:36:34 PM

aleshaDreams

Posts: 184
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

The one i am in consideration with has 'no' problem with posting questions, responses even how stupid they may be sometimes. It is all about learning, gaining perspective and understanding of the lifestyle and its dynamics. He is well aware of the boards i frequent, i have nothing to hide so this is a non-issue.

I have spoken with so called Dominants that had a real problem with me talking or attending any public board, but i deduce into that they were just attempting to cover their ass and not really interested in the intensity of D.s just their self gratification blah blah, i am sure you can put the rest in the proper frame (hng in disguise if you need a hint)

< Message edited by aleshaDreams -- 8/7/2006 6:39:31 PM >

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 22

RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/8/2006 2:15:00 AM

obis

Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline

I think it makes a great deal of sense for both people to have places they can go and ask questions or discuss things and not have the other looking over their shoulder. It shouldn't be clandestine -- if you can only get privacy by deception, that's a bad sign.

Especially in the beginning of a new relationship or when just starting in BDSM, it's very useful to get multiple points of view on questions or thoughts. Mavis' examples of how to surprise the other of course would be perfect examples of non-sinister reasons to need privacy while getting outside opinions.

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 23

RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/12/2006 8:44:45 AM

WinterWolf

Posts: 20
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline

I like how you back back around and wrapped it all up with a completely different point of view on posting.
As I read through I wondered about those types of questins that are not related to problems but more of an experience sharing nature.
I think most ( 80%) that replied to this saw the negative aspect. While some would not be bothered at all.
I would not be bothered by my little girl wanting to get on a board and get in the mix of asking questions and replying.
I know that I have created an environment where she can ask questions freely and get my honest answer, but it's also good to communicate with other people, no matter what lifestye you are in.

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 24

RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/12/2006 10:28:52 AM

Pimpernell

Posts: 198
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mavis
i guess i'm asking, would You be offended to think Your slave had questions they might ask others before bringing a topic to You..

Nope. Only offended if they took a stranger's wrong opinion over my right one. It's very easy to write a post so that you get the answers you want. Also, it's very easy to be misinterpretted and get bad advice.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mavis
OR do You feel slave might need a place to help sort thoughts privately before proceeding with some topics with his/ her Master/Mistress, and that's ok?

Yes. I know sometimes I need to think over things for a while or let them simmer gently in my unconcious. Everyone does this differently.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mavis
If You were asked permission for slave to carry a private account for questions/ discussions about lifestyle topics... would it be granted?

Yes and not just because she could go and do it behind my back anyway. The fact she asked permission means she trusted me. Now if her reasoning sounded dodgy, I'd let her go ahead but keep a lookout for strange messages to my account. The kind that were obviously testing me in some way. Then we would have a little talk.

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 25

RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/12/2006 10:57:46 AM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

Fast reply... for similar conserns I used to feel the same way. What it did for me was to improve my delivery, the content and so on. Now I only say and or post things I feel are things I dont mind sharing with anyone, a Master or not. It took some time to become that comfortable with myself, but I'm glad I'm where I am now.

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 26

RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/12/2006 1:17:49 PM

LeatherBentOne

Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline

Mavis

As a Domme Id have to ask where I was lacking that my sub didnt feel trusting and safe enough to ask or discuss anything with me before asking others. Its not a matter of permission and/or privacy to me, but a matter of honesty and open communication that would cause me to do a self-inventory. And hopefully, cause her to do the same rather than sneak behind my back because she felt she needed to hide from me or seek the opinions of others who ultimately play an insignificant role in the decisions made pertaining to our relationship.

LeatherBentOne

LeatherBentOne

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 27

RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/12/2006 4:31:29 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

The Kaptin and I both have CM profiles, although His is mostly blank and we still need to get a decent pic of Him on there. However, He has never been one to post on discussion forums or mailing lists. He reads here occasionally, but has never posted. Instead, He leaves the online communication to me, and I'm pretty much free to post whatever I wish to say. I don't hide it from Him, but the only time He even thinks about the forums is when He's playing Warcraft and I'm talking here, and then He'll just ask me if there's anything interesting on the forums. Sometimes He'll come read over my shoulder if He hears me typing a long post, but that's about it.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to LeatherBentOne)

Post #: 28

RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/12/2006 4:56:26 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mavis
slave friend and i were joking that if either of our Masters decided to get a Cm account, we'd have to create alternate identities to be able to ask our questions. It was only a joke, but has some validity... would that be "slave-legal" to the Masters and Mistresses out there?

I never posted to message boards until after I met my Lord and when he encouraged me to sign up on a couple and then we joined this site, I was incredibly nervous to post. I was so afraid that I would embarrass him or say something stupid that I never posted. He told me to make up an anonymous account, not tell him the name and make a few posts to get comfortable.

I got over the fear of posting under the Mists name after my first post. I still laugh to myself about it; he pointed it out to me as a good thread to watch. That bolstered my confidence enough to start using this nick.

quote:

i guess i'm asking, would You be offended to think Your slave had questions they might ask others before bringing a topic to You..

OR do You feel slave might need a place to help sort thoughts privately before proceeding with some topics with his/ her Master/Mistress, and that's ok?

If You were asked permission for slave to carry a private account for questions/ discussions about lifestyle topics... would it be granted?

If I were to have questions or concerns about something and felt that I could not bring it to him until I asked people I don’t know first, he would be very concerned with our relationship. It is perfectly acceptable to consider things privately before discussing them with him, but private does not mean a public message board. Private is talking with alandra or a friend in a one on one situation.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 29

RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/12/2006 10:52:01 PM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline

*fast reply*

Master knows I post here, He knows the name I post under and is able to look at my posts any time He wants to (collarme is listed in my favourites). He isn't registered here. We are both registered on another forum and nothing is hidden from the other.

I am free to post to get others' opinions and we discuss things between us openly. Most of my posts are of the experience sharing variety. If I have questions, I ask Him first. Sometimes I will read out an OP and we will discuss it - a great way to foster open communication

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 30

RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/13/2006 1:35:06 AM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

Well Mavis, i assumed like the others, that it was sinister, and dishonest. That sort of profile, is a nail in your relationships coffin. That fat lady is singing in the wings if you go that way.
Then you come back in and clarify. And its put in a innocent way. mmmm?
Well, personally, i find that if he has access to my heart and soul, why the fuck would i hide what i write to strangers? and what on earth could a stranger answer, of any worth, that i couldnt ask him?
For intsance, i ask a question on here, that he doesnt know about. Like a 'is this usual' an example you have given. What will i do with a page of responses that collarme offers if they all so 'no'. I then have to go to him, voice my concerns, AND tell him what other people think? That's not helpful to us.
How can i suprise him threads, they are ok. Though rarely answered with titbits, more often 'ask him' responses when ever ive posted these types of questions, so of little advantage.
Honesty is something i need, require, demand, etc. That's true for him. If i cant ask him, then ive no business being with him in the first place.
little1

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 31

RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/17/2006 10:41:50 PM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

Sorry to pop this thread back up.. But i had company all week, and didn't get to reply and hate leaving anything half done.

Master didn't get a chance to read the thread, but i pulled it up several times during His visit, only to get interrupted. Still, W/we discussed it, and as i suspected, His sense was that there are probably only very limited applications of an honest or positive reason for using a cloaked account.

It did of course, set Him to wondering if i had an issue or question i wasn't comfortable bringing up.. so i guess everyone elses conclusion that it's got to be something negative was nearly universal! i guess i will have to accept the fact that more people look for problems first, rather than assuming happy is the default state.

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)

Post #: 32

RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/18/2006 4:03:48 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

I have a simple philosophy. I don't bring up topics that may be construed negatively about my Master. If I have questions, I ask him. If worst comes to worst, and it is in regard to how *I* view something, I ask someone who understand the basis of our relationship (even in bdsm, every relationship is different and as such, is structured differently) and has a similar mindset. I do NOT ask others in a public forum what they think about what my Master has done or chosen not to do. I fail to see where what someone else thinks regarding the actions of my Master has anything to do with anything - and most especially, my decision to serve him and his decision as to how he deals with me.

juliet

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 33

RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/19/2006 10:26:18 AM

masterhyyde

Posts: 57
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Manhattan
Status: offline

You should take all matters up with your Master.

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 34

RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/19/2006 4:14:16 PM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

i learned a long time ago that it's not up to me to decide how much truth another can handle. if i had questions i didn't want a potential Dom or Someone who was considering me to know, then i would want to know why i want to hide from Him.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 35

RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/19/2006 7:16:46 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

quote:

would that be "slave-legal" to the Masters and Mistresses out there

What we say is irrelevant (more of those farts in the wind I referred to in another thread) , ask YOUR Master/Mistress, that's the only person whose opinion should matter in this situation.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 36

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