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justheather -> RE: "I'm not in the mood" (8/7/2006 3:28:57 PM)
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I am tempted to say "it doesnt matter whether or not Im in the mood", but of course that is not true. In reality, it "matters" on a few different levels.
It "matters" in that if I am genuinely feeling under the weather, extremely tired, or emotionally distracted, I can ask to please be allowed to rest at that moment.
My dom cares about my feelings. My feelings, however, are not paramount.
So, that leaves a few options when I'm "not in the mood".
If, in fact, I do choose to respectfully request that I be allowed to rest as opposed to serving him sexually:
-He can say "yes", and allow me to rest. This does not mean I won't be awakened a little bit later and instructed to satisfy him. It does mean that he has the choice to say "yes" or "no" and I do not take it lightly when he allows me this.
-He can say "no" and not allow me to rest, therefore enjoying the fact that Im serving him physically as well as performing an act of sacrifice in that Im either physically or emotionally in discomfort while Im performing the act that pleases him. (One of the many additional layers added to the relationship with a sadist.) By extension, this may or may not infuse additional meaning into the act for me.
Or, I can choose not to communicate that Im "not in the mood" but choose to do what I know is pleasing to him in that moment, and take some real comfort in the fact that the act I'm performing now has meaning for me that is deeper than the physical act or a "simple" act of submission. When I frame it in this light, more often than not I discover that while I might not be "in the mood" for the physical act, I end up "in the mood" for the act of service and submission.
I think that is the major thing that makes this type of relationship so perfect for me. I have some "chronic" physical issues. More days than not, I wake up with a sinus headache because of allergies. Ive had a couple more than my fair share of "fender benders" where people either hit me from behind or crossed the center line and hit me head on, that have left me with upper back, neck and shoulder pain. If I were to express the fact that I'd "rather not" every time I think I'd "rather not", well...let's just say things would be different.
But, because I am able to delve deeper in that moment, into a place of service and submission, I find myself more than willing to endure some physical discomfort for the sake of my dom's satisfaction. And lo and behold, regardless of any physical pleasure I may or may not experience, I am being fed spiritually at the same time.
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