RE: "I'm not in the mood"

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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 1:49:11 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
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From: New Hampshire
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Mavis, yeah, we don't like the "dick ripping off" thing, do we?

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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 2:03:37 PM

gypsyssoul

Posts: 127
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Balti., Maryland, living in Summerville SC
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:: takes out pen and paper

:: takes notes ...

will keep that in mind ... the biting thing

the one thing about this lifestyle i love and respect is the

communication ... so i would hope that .. that applies

to this as well ...

i am new to this but i think i could projected the feeling

of not " being in the mood " and still be submissive

~~blessings

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~~"I have always sought this other side, but like a flame I dare not touch, For like forbidden fruits of wild .. just one taste would be to much"...
~~ blessed be

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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 3:08:02 PM

Mavis

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Popeye, <giggles> i dunno, i heard Klingon males think even the attempt is hot.. but then the guy who told me that actually Believed there are Klingon males..

agirl.. i'm so sorry. i would rather give birth than have a toothache. It's much easier, and the crown never sticks up too high after it's over.

(my name isn't really Mavis. i picked it because it just sounds so proper and librarian, it reminds me of the uptight women on Frasier's ex, Lilith. )

quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsyssoul

i am new to this but i think i could projected the feeling of not " being in the mood " and still be submissive

Yes, true. i don't really think there would be any problem with it, as long as it wasn't a pattern and there is an underlying attitude of selflessness in the overall relationship.

[edited to move the endquote bracket, but it won't budge.]

< Message edited by Mavis -- 8/7/2006 3:09:32 PM >

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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 3:28:57 PM

justheather

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I am tempted to say "it doesnt matter whether or not Im in the mood", but of course that is not true. In reality, it "matters" on a few different levels.

It "matters" in that if I am genuinely feeling under the weather, extremely tired, or emotionally distracted, I can ask to please be allowed to rest at that moment.

My dom cares about my feelings. My feelings, however, are not paramount.

So, that leaves a few options when I'm "not in the mood".

If, in fact, I do choose to respectfully request that I be allowed to rest as opposed to serving him sexually:

-He can say "yes", and allow me to rest. This does not mean I won't be awakened a little bit later and instructed to satisfy him. It does mean that he has the choice to say "yes" or "no" and I do not take it lightly when he allows me this.

-He can say "no" and not allow me to rest, therefore enjoying the fact that Im serving him physically as well as performing an act of sacrifice in that Im either physically or emotionally in discomfort while Im performing the act that pleases him. (One of the many additional layers added to the relationship with a sadist.) By extension, this may or may not infuse additional meaning into the act for me.

Or, I can choose not to communicate that Im "not in the mood" but choose to do what I know is pleasing to him in that moment, and take some real comfort in the fact that the act I'm performing now has meaning for me that is deeper than the physical act or a "simple" act of submission. When I frame it in this light, more often than not I discover that while I might not be "in the mood" for the physical act, I end up "in the mood" for the act of service and submission.

I think that is the major thing that makes this type of relationship so perfect for me. I have some "chronic" physical issues. More days than not, I wake up with a sinus headache because of allergies. Ive had a couple more than my fair share of "fender benders" where people either hit me from behind or crossed the center line and hit me head on, that have left me with upper back, neck and shoulder pain. If I were to express the fact that I'd "rather not" every time I think I'd "rather not", well...let's just say things would be different.

But, because I am able to delve deeper in that moment, into a place of service and submission, I find myself more than willing to endure some physical discomfort for the sake of my dom's satisfaction. And lo and behold, regardless of any physical pleasure I may or may not experience, I am being fed spiritually at the same time.

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And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 4:29:39 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

We all have times when our libido doesn't match up to that of our partner. Hectic days of work or caring for children, stress, too much on one's mind...busy lives. We all have those "I'm just not in the mood" moments. How as a submissive, do you convey that to your dominant partner? When you do, do you feel unsubmissive or like you are topping from the bottom? Do you not communicate it at all and just comply? Is your partner receptive to the fluctuations in your libido?

OK hold on here!!!!!!

you mean that some people are less than interested in having Sex or BDSM?

mmmmmmmm I didn't know that... makes me wonder about the girls now.... ok... I stop wondering... no need to concern myself with this issue.... If it's not broke... KEEP USING IT!!!!

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 6:53:30 PM

WhipTheHip

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It seems to me that a sub should be willing to please her Dom,
even if she is not in the mood. Of course, everything is negotiable.
There is no right or wrong. But I hope to find a sub that is
accommodating in this department. I would like to find a sub that
lets me use her like a sex toy, who craves being objectified,
and used in this manner. But I am not a physically forceful
person. Moreover, if my sub really was not feeling well, I
would also concern myself with her needs. I might even give
her a head, neck and back massage, or if she was really tired
I might just let her rest. On the other hand, if she didn't object, I
would find it a kind of delicious torture to fuck her when she
really wasn't in the mood, to use her like a sex doll. But I
would have to know that this is something she consents to.

I enjoy consensual non-consensualality. On the other hand,
if my sub was interested in play, and I wasn't in the mood, I
would try my best to get in the mood even if I was tired and
worn out and didn't feel like it. I am very accommodating and
hope to find a sub who is also very accommodating.

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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 7:09:34 PM

proudsub

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It's has only happened a few times in 38 yrs when i've told Him i was really tired and then i would suggest we do it the next night and He always found that acceptable.

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"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 7:17:26 PM

BillsGalSusan

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I wonder how different this discussion would be if we were discussing saying no to washing the dishes? From my perspective there are reasons when things we do routinely just can't happen. It doesn't mean we are less than submissive, it just means that other things pop up from time to time, and dealing with them is important too.

Another Susan

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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 7:18:21 PM

bandit25

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Well, I'm with twice...can't remember ever not being in the mood; however, should that day ever arise, I'm relative certain that my Dom would want me to tell Him. What would happen after that would, of course, be up to Him, but knowing Him as I do, I think He'd prolly decide that play could wait until I was feeling better.

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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 8:15:19 PM

Misstoyou

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I haven't had to deal with the issue of his not wanting sex when I want it, but on occasion my submissive has come home from his testosterone-filled job not feeling particularly "submissive." Lucky for me he has a thing for boots, so the right footwear can snap him into the right mindset instantly.

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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 8:24:05 PM

Tamerofwild1s

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

We all have times when our libido doesn't match up to that of our partner. Hectic days of work or caring for children, stress, too much on one's mind...busy lives. We all have those "I'm just not in the mood" moments. How as a submissive, do you convey that to your dominant partner? When you do, do you feel unsubmissive or like you are topping from the bottom? Do you not communicate it at all and just comply? Is your partner receptive to the fluctuations in your libido?

not in the mood issomething I thought I would never hear coming from you erin

just kidding . hey we all have times where we just don't feel like it ... I look forward to some of the answers ..

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A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 8:24:12 PM

ImpGrrl

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Fast reply.

If I'm not "in the mood", I do it anyway.

Not because I'm a "good slave" if I do - but because I know that just like justheather, I end up in some sort of "the mood" after, even if it's not a sex mood.

Plus, he'll allow me to beg off if I'm honestly ill or in severe pain (I have chronic issues too - arthritis), so if I'm honestly not up to it - *not* just "not feeling up to it" - he'll let me help him masturbate or some alternative act.

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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/8/2006 12:07:51 AM

ownedgirlie

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~ fast reply ~

He knows how I feel and what is going on in my life all the time anyway, so he knows if I am not feeling well. Knowing that, he may decide to have me satisfy him or not, and if he does, he has his reasons. I wouldn't think of telling him no.

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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/8/2006 12:42:11 AM

Kedikat

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I expect that My sub would still offer herself up. In a way, knowing she was not in the mood, it would be an affirmation of her submission. I would not expect the full response. It would be insulting for her to pretend. But it would still be a pleasure to take her, and her to still offer herself for My pleasure.

I guess it is " Don't deny it, but don't fake it. you are Mine. "

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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/8/2006 7:58:08 AM

destinykitty

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When I'm not in the mood Master knows and usualy doesn't push me into it. Sometimes we will do it anyway but if i'm not in the mood it comes out while preforming the act and isn't as enjoyable and in his words he doesn't want to feel like he is raping me.

Does this make me a bad slave the fact that if I am not in the mood that its less then enjoyable for Master, I don't know, I guess I am lucky that we are not all about sex.

Destinykitty

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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/8/2006 9:12:33 AM

LL1aintbehavin

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mistoferin.
There have been a few times when for whatever reason i was just not in the mood. i have never said anything to Him, as i guess for me it is just not the sexual act itself but it is the intimacy and connection. i felt that being with Him gave me the closeness and comfort from being with Him, and in a strange way took my mind off of what was just not right with me at that moment.
i guess that being in the mood changes as soon as He reaches for me.
aintbehavin

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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/8/2006 9:32:44 AM

impishlilhellcat

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For me I have a really high libido there are very few and far between times that I haven't been in the mood. With Daddy even though things are still new for us it's never been an issue. Even if I feel like crap or have a migraine or even a stressfull day after a few minutes of spending time with him or even playing with him I become completely relaxed. However he is very in tune to my thoughts and my actions at all times. Even when we are having a conversation on the phone he'll say "your blah blah blah" and I'm like how did you know that. So for me it's not really an issue of saying no it's just communicating how I am feeling at that time and allowing him to deal with it as he pleases. I ultimately get no amount of pleasure from serving Daddy no matter the mood I am in.

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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/8/2006 1:44:07 PM

KindredTotem

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quote:

ORIGINAL: destinykitty

When I'm not in the mood Master knows and usualy doesn't push me into it. Sometimes we will do it anyway but if i'm not in the mood it comes out while preforming the act and isn't as enjoyable and in his words he doesn't want to feel like he is raping me.

Does this make me a bad slave the fact that if I am not in the mood that its less then enjoyable for Master, I don't know, I guess I am lucky that we are not all about sex.

Destinykitty

Thank you Destinykitty, myself it does not make you a 'bad slave'. I personally respect the feelings of my submissive. If they are not in the 'mood' then there are always other things I can come up with to do to them.

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Life changes a person, in their views, in their thoughts and in their action. The one thing that never changes is the persons main values.

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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/8/2006 1:52:20 PM

DanielsHeart

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i would be wrong not to communicate this emotion to my Master. What He chooses after that fact is what happens. Now if i tried to change his mind at that point, well let us not go there.

Daniel's heart

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His heart for His pleasure always

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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/8/2006 1:53:48 PM

michaelGA2

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i am curious, what "mood" are we talking about here?

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