RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (Full Version)

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sub4hire -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/9/2006 11:06:53 AM)

You can lose hope or not.  Whatever happens you will be back to the lifestyle.  Why?  Because nothing else will fulfill you. 
Abusers love hanging out in the lifestyle.  There are so many victims here.
All you can do is keep your head up high.  Remember to value yourself and use common sense.  There are actual people out there who are part of the lifestyle.  It's just a bit hard getting through the weeds.
Good Luck.



IndigoDadesi -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/9/2006 11:07:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey

quote:

ORIGINAL: IndigoDadesi

Dont let the door hit you on your way out.


Is that your way of suggesting there are quite enough whiners around here that snibble about something then dream up a "poor poor me" post in order to drum up some attention ?

Because if it was.... I caught your drift...  [;)]





Good job. You get a cookie and a gold star!



LotusSong -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/9/2006 11:42:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

aggresive doms are bad??????
perhaps you seek a submissive dominant?


As in the Domme world- there is a diffrence between dominance and domineering.

In the Dom world- there is a difference between dominance and being borish.   



raiken -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/9/2006 12:13:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: adreammmm

I dont know if I am just having bad luck.  But the Dom males that I am meeting.  I am just loseing hope.  They so aggressive and the Doms before that I have had never ever had been that way.  Never had been forceful.  I am scared to even look anymore for a Dom or even try.  Any suggestions for me?
Michelle

 
Yes, take responsibility for your own happiness.  Step up to the plate.  Get a backbone, and raise your self esteem and take ownership and control over your being.  Highly value yourself.  Your neediness, fears and weaknesses show through in your short post.  Seems you haven't much of a backbone, so therefore you attract the bullies, because bullies prey on the weak, needy and insecure folks. 
 
If you are not attracting the right type of Dominants, then take a closer look at what you are putting out there, and who you are.  Become more like the type of person you wish to attract, and then you will increase your chances of finding him.  Good luck.



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/9/2006 12:25:00 PM)

I found many players and wannabes before finding Master. Put up a profile and take what you find online with a grain of salt. Don't jump in after talking to them a few times to meeting them. Talk to them several times first to feel them out. Don't give up. Good luck.



CreativeDominant -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/9/2006 12:37:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

aggresive doms are bad??????
perhaps you seek a submissive dominant?


As in the Domme world- there is a diffrence between dominance and domineering.

In the Dom world- there is a difference between dominance and being borish.


~sneaks in, adds another "o" to "borish" to make it "boorish" and sneaks out, wondering who appointed me the spelling policeman today~




zenofeller -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/9/2006 1:10:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
I would suggest walking away from the computer.


I would suggest taking your own advice.

adreea, there's many ways you can spot agressive people before you end up in a spot, physically or verbally abused. for instance, people who start their posts telling other people to shove it are pretty agressive. you don't want to meet those. little signs like that are really all you need to know ahead of time.

since being agressive isn't really loved by society, the sicker people are the better they get at hiding it, through sheer education. there are always cracks however. learn to look for the cracks, they aren't that hard to spot.

and maybe start taking karate.



onestandingstill -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/9/2006 1:11:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey

yeah,,,,,
were all assholes, over bearing and aggressive

all of us...


Hello DelRey,
LOL, Maybe on the surface this is true as I see many a Dom try to live up to your statement. It seems they think people expect it. I have seen even the most extremely firm sadist's soft underbelly show through the cracks sometimes though. I wish the stereotyping was gone from us all.
Suzanne



LaTigresse -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/9/2006 1:16:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: zenofeller

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
I would suggest walking away from the computer.


I would suggest taking your own advice.



Sorry dude but I can't. I would get fired from the cushy job that pays me to sit here imparting my wisdom to the masses.



zenofeller -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/9/2006 1:18:19 PM)

i can't belive anyone with your millisecond response times on inconsequential remarks on fake topics on unmentionable forums actually has a job. or a life. or other things.



LaTigresse -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/9/2006 1:25:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: zenofeller

i can't belive anyone with your millisecond response times on inconsequential remarks on fake topics on unmentionable forums actually has a job. or a life. or other things.


ditto! except I would spell it........believe



adreammmm -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/10/2006 12:48:50 AM)

Can you tell me where I might look for a local munch or bdsm club,  Not sure where to look.  Thanks
Michelle



adreammmm -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/10/2006 12:55:43 AM)

You have most helpful out of all ... thanks for understanding



adreammmm -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/10/2006 12:59:07 AM)

It is said that you suggesting that this  post is for attention.  I can see that you are a true Dommes.  But some are fakes.  If I could a real Dom I would be very greatful.
Michelle



zenofeller -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/10/2006 1:49:47 AM)

michelle, we don't know where's local for you, so we can't tell you if/where would be the munch/local club. if you live on either coast, chances are you can find the respective club(s) and their social activities either in the newspapers or searching the internet. it's customary to have at least one public, open, no play get together each month.



WhipTheHip -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/11/2006 7:29:16 PM)

Hi A Dream,
 
   I would have to guess, I am the least aggressive "Dom" there is.  Actually, I am not
a Dom, just a wannabe Dom, because without a sub that is all I am.  I am more into
"bdsm," than "D/s."  I need to be the dominant partner in a relationship, but I am not
by nature very controling or strict.  Just the opposite.  If you want my help being a
sub, I can try to help, and I'll need you to help me become a better Dom.  There is
no right or wrong, just what works for consenting adults, so feel free to drop me line.
 
With love, lashes, and endless hugs,
Michael
 
 



MasterMoody -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/21/2006 1:51:58 PM)

i would say put up a profile and keep looking and make shuor you write what you are looking for in a Dom and be willing to chat with the one you may think is the one for you and see where it goes



Slipstreme -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/21/2006 2:02:39 PM)

To the OP:

Thoughts to ponder:

Do you have it in you to desire to serve fully and openly?
Do you really want to be able to experience the joys of submission and devotion that a slave can have for her Master or a submissive have for their Dom?
Do you enjoy S&M in any way?
Can you live without these things?

Remember, leaving the community. You would lose all that. It is possible you may hook up with a Dominant guy, but for the most part you will find yourself in a 50/50 relationship. There is little to no power exchange. Or you might end up with someone who is completely against power exchange, or a submissive male. If you like S&M, and leave the community. You may find someone who has that kink, you might not. And one thing I have realized, the RL BDSM groups tend to have safety as their number one priority. They are the best place for information, as Amayos suggested. If you end up with someone who has no interest in that, well, you might end up with someone who makes too many stupid mistakes.

If you are actively looking for love. I would say, don't look at all. Look for friends. Love will come when it is ready. I did not seek out my family. My family came to me.



Slipstreme -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/21/2006 2:12:42 PM)

quote:

I would have to guess, I am the least aggressive "Dom" there is.

There are plenty. You just need to get to know them first.
 
quote:

  Actually, I am not
a Dom, just a wannabe Dom, because without a sub that is all I am.

Dominance is a personality trait, not a job occupation.
 
quote:

  I am more into
"bdsm," than "D/s."

BDSM is an umbrella term covering all fetishes that may fall within the lifestyle. A rubberist who is only interested in rubber can be considered a practicioner of BDSM. The break down of the term however is B&D (Bondage and discipline), D&S( Dominance and submission, the relationship bits) and S&M(sadism and masochism, the pain and humiliation parts) It can but does not always have to include all of these.
 
D/s is Dominace/submission. It is what you are in a power exchange relationship, and in the umbrella term is the link in the chain that connects the other two. D/s however is not needed if the interest is in kink only. D/s includes everyone: Dominants, submissive and Switches, exception of bottoms and Tops who are equals. However, labels can be ignored all together. 
  
quote:

I need to be the dominant partner in a relationship, but I am not
by nature very controling or strict.  Just the opposite.

If you need to be the dominant partner, ie: the decision maker. You are still Dominant. you just might not control much and have a lighter form of D/s than what you imagine D/s to be. D/s is what you make of it.
quote:

  If you want my help being a
sub, I can try to help, and I'll need you to help me become a better Dom.  There is
no right or wrong, just what works for consenting adults, so feel free to drop me line.


No one needs help being that what they are. They just need the chance to make it happen in the way they wish. She will always be a submissive irregardless of if she is in a relationship and you will always be Dominant. By the way, soliciting a submissive in thread, is very, very bad form. That is what private messages are for. 

You also should try to figure out exactly where you stand in the BDSM lifestyle before you have a sub, because every time I read your posts, you seem to be trying to define or validate yourself. Find yourself, and only then can you find another.  



Chloelicious -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/21/2006 3:10:55 PM)

I got a question that might sound stupid but can you explain me what are the  "tops and bottoms" cause they are terms that i 've never heard.

Thank you in advance for the piece of enlightment

Chloe



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