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RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/20/2006 5:01:02 AM

kimba1

Posts: 46
Joined: 4/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MmakeMme

Cutters typically cut in order to ~ feel ~ ... to bleed means to be real. Seeing the blood is a reminder that one is alive. There are serious underlying and often unremembered past issues that need treated professionally.

Well said, and in addition, at least in my case, it is an external manifestation of deep internal pain, but a manifestation that I can control. However, i have been forbidden by my Master to cut, or engage in any self-harm. I freely promised him I would not, not ever again. Part of my commitment to Him is to ensure that i maintain his most precious property as a rare treasure. I take this seriously. He rarely forbids, and we rarely make promises - because when we do, they are binding. I revel in the safety net this has given me. On the rare occassion when i have considered it recently, i close my eyes, and remember that i have surrendered myself to him, and this is no longer a choice that is mine to make. In addition, i understand the source of my urges to cut, and i have worked through it with his help (no, he is not acting as a therapist, but sometimes a true friend can help one see). This is not meant as advice in any way -- this works for me, for us.

_____________________________

“. . . there was about him a suggestion of lurking ferocity, as though the Wild still lingered in him and the Wolf in him merely slept.” Jack London

(in reply to MmakeMme)

Post #: 21

RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/20/2006 6:42:53 PM

BrokenDoll

Posts: 106
Joined: 8/15/2006
Status: offline

I havent cut in about 3 years

So I guess Im liveing proof it is possable... but I had help

edited to add: Wow I didnt even realise how long it had been till I just did the math to do this post

< Message edited by BrokenDoll -- 8/20/2006 6:43:43 PM >

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Please take care of your toys treat them with Love and respect, For broken toys are no fun at all!

-doll-

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 22

RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/20/2006 8:27:29 PM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

Just sort of an update. Things are going great, no need or desire to cut at all. I think, no, I know I am much stronger than I give myself credit for.

I hope your friend is doing okay. It's a struggle, but she will find her way back.

~Andrea

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to BrokenDoll)

Post #: 23

RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/20/2006 9:24:08 PM

Owned1

Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

Just sort of an update. Things are going great, no need or desire to cut at all. I think, no, I know I am much stronger than I give myself credit for.

I hope your friend is doing okay. It's a struggle, but she will find her way back.

~Andrea

Congrats Andrea, one day at a time, keep up the strength. BTW I was very happy to see the strippy legs back., they are way kewl!!!!

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 24

RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/20/2006 10:00:58 PM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Owned1

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

Just sort of an update. Things are going great, no need or desire to cut at all. I think, no, I know I am much stronger than I give myself credit for.

I hope your friend is doing okay. It's a struggle, but she will find her way back.

~Andrea

Congrats Andrea, one day at a time, keep up the strength. BTW I was very happy to see the strippy legs back., they are way kewl!!!!

Owned

EEK! I had just changed it back when I saw this..lol.. sorry

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to Owned1)

Post #: 25

RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/20/2006 11:04:16 PM

Owned1

Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline

LMAO!!!!! I cant keep up with you and your legs vs head shot. At least you never are boring...

Cheers

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 26

RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 10/22/2006 10:29:28 AM

namemeMistress

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

i am a cutter and have found that the endorphins from cutting can be more healthily released through BDSM, it started with a friend reccommending whipping myself rather than cutting and ended up with my realising how much i longed for a real Mistress sub relationship so something good came out of it.
i actually am not bothered by my scars and sometimes my cutting was for pleasure, though it was mainly and initally due to depression, i now very rarely cut myself, but when i do i don't really mind - i don't feel bad that i do it and am open about it with friends.
i have yet to be cut by another person in play but look forward to the experience should it happen.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 27

RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 10/22/2006 12:47:06 PM

myratha

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/4/2006
Status: offline

I cut, though its something I'm trying very hard to stop, and having a dom is helping a lot in that respect, even though he knows i do it, and he'd be very supportive if i ever did, i've made myself stop so he doesn't have to see the cuts, and because giving up control means also giving up the choice to do things like that to myself.

I try very hard to keep it entirely separate from bdsm, since i know its a very negative thing, and i dont want all the bad things its related to leaking into this side of my life. For that reason knife play and anything that would break my skin are hard limits for me, so theres a clear definition between play and cutting.

(in reply to namemeMistress)

Post #: 28

RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 10/22/2006 3:24:30 PM

Tine11

Posts: 423
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline

I would agree with namememistress, adn myratha. As a prevous cutter i have found that by giving that control of my body, mind and soul over to a master and mistress helps a lot. I still fight the deisre to cut when stress from school gets really bad, but the though that i might do something my master adn mistress disaprove of keeps me from doing it. I also know that when i am with them i can ask for them to give me pain to give my body the endorphen release i need in a safe enviorment, where someon else is in control. Realisty is that if i am in mood to cut i a do i can, and i could to deep and possably end up killing myself or putting myself in the hosptital. its all a matter of frame of mind and how peopel learn to cope so that they can find a better way to get the release they need.

(in reply to myratha)

Post #: 29

RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 10/22/2006 4:01:51 PM

behindmirrors

Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline

I began cutting and burning myself when I was eight years old. I don't really have a pinpointed reason why I would have started so young, but I have little to no memory of the time with the exception of reading my journals kept at the time.

It was a release for emotional pain and anxiety for me. A way to hurt myself more than others were hurting. After a "good" session, towards the end (when I was 19 or 20-ish), I often passed out, but that could have been for many reasons, since my only issue at the time was certainly not just cutting.

There is a book out there by Steven Levenkron called Cutting: Understanding and Overcoming Self-Mutilation which may be helpful to you and your friend. I own it, and have for a few years, but I read it when in the thick of these issues, and found some interesting encouragement and a lot of knowledge about the subject- it's a good book to get an understanding of the issue.

I finally quit when I was 21. I was embarassed by my scars, I was ready to recover- which is what makes all the difference. It has to be a choice to stop, just as it is a choice to harm yourself. I knew, after nearly dying a few times, that I needed to address my illnesses, symptoms, and past, so that I could keep this precious life that I have. I did it.

The most helpful thing for me was this simple exercise that I came up with to give me something better to do: I bought an index card organizer, some tabs for it, and a package of index cards. On each card, I wrote down a simple thing that I had always wanted to learn how to do, but had not- things that could be completed in a relatively short time and that required my hands to be busy or my mind engaged, perhaps both (learn to make a paper crane is my best example, though I have a list of hundreds). I put three tabs in the box- "to do", "in progress", and "finished". Each time I felt the need to harm myself, I selected a card and worked on the activity it listed until the desire passed and I had calmed down again. In time, my "finished" section began to fill, and I had a sense of accomplishment in all I had done, and in not cutting anymore. It gave me pride to be able to see the things I learned on each card, and the date that I mastered them. I still have my box and my cards, more for moments of boredom now than for coping.

The least helpful thing I ever did was Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). But that's a rant about group therapy that I will spare all of you.

To the OP: Let me know if I can be of any help to you or your friend- I have a lot of knowledge, a lot of suggestions, and nearly my entire lifetime of experience, so if you have any questions, or want to bounce ideas to help your friend with off of me, please let me know.

behindmirrors.

(in reply to Tine11)

Post #: 30

RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 10/22/2006 5:43:44 PM

jthorne

Posts: 99
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

I have had two close friends who were self-injurers. One went for her wrists (scars on top of scars, it was quite frightening to see) and the other went for the places you couldn't see...I considered the second one's problem to be more intense and worrying, as she had been doing it for years and years and no one noticed, obviously.

The first one had a succession of depressing events in her life and stopped SIing out of sheer apathy. The second one, with love and support from those of us who cared, minimized her activities. I suggested to her that she see if masochism in the lifestyle was for her, but she explained to me that the pain wouldn't go away if someone else hurt her, that she had to do it herself.

I also had an ex who would SI, but I am of the opinion she did it for attention.

My point is...with the proper love and support, someone who wants to stop SIing can. You just have to be supportive and help as much as possible. Never be negative, but don't hesitate to take whatever it is away from them. (This can vary...) Just keep pointing out you're not leaving and you want them to be well and you support them.

(in reply to lilstarsoul)

Post #: 31

RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 10/22/2006 6:12:46 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilstarsoul

we have a friend.. who.. cuts herself.. do cutters ever really stop cutting themselves? i'm sorry to be so naive about it.. i know its something so deeply embedded within her.. she seems to be good for awhile... and then wham.. it just happens (or i should say someting happens ) and she is a mess.. is it possible with a strong shoulder behind them, they can stop without professional help? i'm just a bit confused really...

Sure they do. I used to do alot of things. i started at 10 carving into myself, at 18 i was sneaking glass into my room and beating on it. I used to have some wicked fun playing my "game" Generally being, what gives out first? My fist or the glass? Or seeing if i could last long enough to have blood on every piece of shattered glass. I've scars on my forehead from slamming it into things and slamming things over it. I've broken enough windows with my fists and then i got into actual cutting.

For me, it was mostly to control my rage and there were times when it was just fun. Generally, it was for the rage though. I had to find some way to manage my rage before it got out of my hands. And when i got that point - i was literally filled with rage. I do remember also doing it to help the "hurt" but it was an angry hurt i think. For me, it was also a need. I needed to do it.

My Dom actually helped me work through it. I managed to get away with it at first and hide it. Then it progressed to him finding out after the fact. Then he started catching me in the act. Eventually it got to the point of him knowing before i snuck off to do it.

The first night he "knew" what my intent was, was absolutetly miserable. He basically held me hostage and refused to allow me to "go". I was sullen as a fucking kid, whining, sulking, argueing, manipulating, and i absoluetly despised him for blocking me. He sat there basically ignoring me, yet never letting his attention stray from me.

He forced me to deal with it and wouldnt let me take my escape. I think we sat here for hours with me having to deal with that need and him being there as best he could. (course i despised him at that moment). It was terrible. I needed to hurt myself and there was no possible way i could. Drove me nuts. Luckily for me, he has no problem putting his foot down and no matter what i try to pull, say, or do there is no getting past his "No"

I can suprisingly say that i have not cut myself since the last time he caught me and i oddly dont need to anymore. It is now, just not an option.

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 10/22/2006 6:29:47 PM >

(in reply to lilstarsoul)

Post #: 32

RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 10/22/2006 7:22:51 PM

myratha

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jthorne

Never be negative, but don't hesitate to take whatever it is away from them. (This can vary...)

Personally, it always made it worse when people did that to me. For starters, it was like they were judging me, and trying to take control from me, and when the whole point of it is control, that can get ugly. It also made me want to rebel against them, so i just ended up cutting even worse when they finally left me alone, to prove that they couldnt stop me, and finding more and more ingenious places to hide things, or disguise things, so that they wouldnt be able to take them away. Its a habit i have now, even when i'm not cutting, i still have to have glass and blades hidden in my room, and i keep some in my purse. Its a security thing i guess.

But thats just how it was with me. Other people might take it differently. It can send a strong message that you care, i guess, if done right. But it would have to be done with tact and understanding. Generally, when it comes to the people i know who do it, the best i can do is make sure that they sterilise the blades and clean the wound afterwards. Its better to do it openly and safely than have to sneak around and risk infections or even blood poisoning.

(in reply to jthorne)

Post #: 33

RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 10/22/2006 8:49:31 PM

lovetokissnylons

Posts: 117
Joined: 10/17/2006
Status: offline

I clicked on this forum in hopes of finding out what "cutting" meant in the context of the interest/activity that's always referred to as "cutting and shaving". It seems to me that shaving is pretty self-evident and i guess cutting means cutting the skin (or the threat of cutting the skin) in connection with a scene, or a dom/sub interaction, but i'm still not sure about that "cutting and shaving" term. Why are they coupled in the SAME term, when -- other than both being accomplished by sharp objects such as razors -- the activities don't really seem to be related to each other ?

After reading the posts in this forum, however, I'm prompted to say, to those who have posted about cutting themselves because they're too depressed not to do so: please know that you're important, that you're in the thoughts not only of me but in the thoughts of MANY other people, some who have responded here. We are pulling for you and, just as the harm that happens to one person diminishes all mankind, all mankind is also improved and our lot is happier to know that YOU are able to be optimistic and have NOT harmed yourself. You ARE in our thoughts. I really hope this helps with the tough choices you're facing.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 34

RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 12/14/2006 1:52:43 PM

GirlyDevil

Posts: 104
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilstarsoul

we have a friend.. who.. cuts herself.. do cutters ever really stop cutting themselves? i'm sorry to be so naive about it.. i know its something so deeply embedded within her.. she seems to be good for awhile... and then wham.. it just happens (or i should say someting happens ) and she is a mess.. is it possible with a strong shoulder behind them, they can stop without professional help? i'm just a bit confused really...

I was a cutter for a few years, yeah I got out of it, but I still have tendencies every now and than but rarely act on them. I got professional help, didn't reall help so I got my dog, and I do really well. Not saying that you should go buy her a pet, but for me it was pretty much the last option.

(in reply to lilstarsoul)

Post #: 35

RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 12/14/2006 5:13:45 PM

damia

Posts: 190
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

i don't cut..i self-injure, but not cutting. Abrasive, usually with my nails, or biting to draw blood. i remember the first time i did this was when i was 10. It is a symptom of my borderline personality disorder, but it is one that i can control. i have been working hard at it. My last time period without self-injury was five months, and when i relapsed, i immediately after got rid of what caused it [extreme issues in my job that hadn't resolved after months of working hard toward fixing them]. i have now been forbidden to self-injure by my Master, or i will be punished, and while i know a lot of people think that forbidding someone to do it and punishing them for it after are bad ways of dealing with a self-injurer, it really depends on the person. For me, now i feel if i self-injure, i'm not just hurting myself, i'm hurting Master also, so it helps me, because i would NOT want to hurt Him. Ever. And the threat of punishment for doing it is also a good deterrent. Discipline, i like. Pain, i like. But punishment...no. i do not like punishment (not supposed to, of course).

i know i'll have relapses, times when i won't be thinking straight, and i won't be thinking 'i'm hurting Master by doing this', and then i'll be punished. But that will happen, and i will eventually stop. And yes, self-injurers can stop; it is a LOT of hard work and stress, though, so give your friend as much support as you can, and just be there for her.

Suggestion, though: If she cuts, and either calls you while she is or after she does to talk about the fact that she cut herself and why she did it and all that, don't allow it. Even if she knows that isn't your intention, in the mind of the cutter, this often feels like support of the cutting, not support to -stop- cutting. If she calls you before cutting, great! That's perfect! But tell her that she is not allowed to talk to you for so many hours after a relapse, that you don't support it, and you don't want to hear any excuses for why she does it. Just a suggestion; you don't have to do that. But it might help.

damia the Kat

(in reply to lilstarsoul)

Post #: 36

RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 12/15/2006 2:05:17 AM

Ashkitty

Posts: 30
Joined: 6/2/2005
Status: offline

Sigh. I tried cutting a couple years ago. Found out rather quickly that the razor wasn't too great for me... so I turned to burning. Branding. I did that a while, and then life got easy, and I had no need to do it again.

Until just recently. Like yesterday. Damnit. :|

I lean to it only when I'm completely overstressed by unavoidable, compiling stressors such as jobs, impending move, school and hectic relationships. I also realize I only do it when I've worked myself into a rather bad manic state of mind, being bipolar. Therapy hasn't worked yet, and I've tried over five therapists and several medications. Thankfully it's only an occasional thing. I really detest it and hopefully will be able to convince myself not to get the lighter in the future.

Sigh. Disgusting.

I'll admit. Sometimes, I really do just want to ask one of my Doms to spank/whip/flog/crop/cane/hurt me over and over until I can just scream my safeword then move to feeling drained, tired, over with it; renewed. Being in a loving, long distance relationship makes that really hard though. I don't think they would. But bruises are better than scars.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 37

RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 12/15/2006 2:33:26 AM

beltainefaerie

Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline

I was a cutter for many years and I got over it in college with a good therapist, the support of my friends, and a lot of personal discipline. For me, cutting was about control and pain. I felt so much chaos inside that I needed to control something and I could control this scalpel, this thin line of pain. There was also an aesthetic satisfaction in it for me. I actually thought the blood was beatiful. Of course I was also able to feel grounded and real and alive through the pain and seeing the blood. It also helped turn emotional/psychological/internal pain into something external. It seemed to literally pull the pain to the outside where I could examinew and deal with it. I thought a little more insight into why some of us do this might help. It has been seven or eight years since I cut, so it is possible to get over it. I can hardly even remember the last time I wanted to do it.
One of the techniques my therapist had me try was to use a red ballpoint pen when I had the impulse. It might sound stupid, but it worked wonders. She didn't care how hard I pressed, so I still had some of the pain release and the lines still filled the aesthetic need for me. Eventually she had me draw or write on paper instead of my body, eliminating the pain aspect and transferring the release of feelings to paper. As so many say, your mileage may vary, but that's what worked for me.
Incidentally, I am surprised at the concern people have for cutters using BDSM play as an outlet. While certainly the dom should be aware that this is a factor, isn't it better to have someone else making sure pain is safely, sensibly administered than to have the cutter hurting themselves? my sisterslaveand I were both cutters and Master understands that the pain play fills that need for us. we have laughed about the fact that hurting ourselves isn't ok, but letting him do it is, yet is very true. Certainly just replacing the outlet for pain will not solve a cutter's problems. The underlying psychologial issues must still be dealt with and perhaps that is the concern: that the cause is not dealt with. Maybe someone who thinks it is dangerous could clarify for me.
Hopefully your friend will be able to get the help needed.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 38

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