Gabrielle -> RE: Weapon play has always excited me, what do think? (4/17/2004 9:24:34 AM)
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When I was a little girl, my brother and I lived with our mom and horrible step-father. He treated my brother like shit and being the little sister, he (my brother) took all his resentment out on me. If I did anything little sisters normally do to irritate their big brothers, I got hurt, badly. I was thrown into the bathtub (literally picked up and thrown into this ceramic tub-ouch), I was beat upside the head with the telephone, I was tied up and thrown into the closet. But the one thing that affected me most was the day he got so angry, and probably not even at me, he took out his pocket knife, wrestled me to the bed and held it to my throat. He made a minor cut as I tried to get away. Needless to say, I didn't move anymore. One other time, he went after my best friend with a butcher knife and I got between them. He said "Fine, you'll do" and grabbed me again placing the knife across my throat. My best friend then went and got the rolling pin and hit him across the back and she and I ran out of the house. Now please keep in mind, my brother and I grew up in fear of our step dad. He was hateful to my brother and molested me every chance he could get. He yelled at my mom and cheated on her repeatedly. Because of this, despite these occassional outbursts, it led my brother and I to form a unique bond with each other and my mother. I do not hate him, but for a long time, I had a huge fear of any kind of weapon. The stepfather is gone now, the three of us are happy and non-violent now, and we are all the best of friends. When I met Master and agreed to take the beautiful opportunity he offered me, he dug into the depths of my soul to learn my fears and silent angers as I call them. He exposed them, exploited them and time to time would recreate certain instances. This turned me on. It scared the hell out of me, but his purpose was to turn all of those negetive emotions into positive experiences betweem Him and me. I no longer have resentments, I have let go of the past and those things that created an unhealthy enviroment as a child, now create a beautiful environment of submission. I trust him to do what is best, and if that is to tie me up and throw me in the closet, then bring me out an hour later and play with weapons and have a whipping session, so be it. Because in the end, I have given up my fears to him, trusted him with those fears, and in return he shows that in all reality I have nothing to fear at all, because he is there to comfort when all is said and done. I know this may not help you Goddess Marissa, but I just thought I would share my experiences with all. Gabrielle
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