Taking on the top role

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Taking on the top role - 8/14/2006 9:11:30 AM

beenwhipped

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My question is primarily for those that started as a bottom and discovered their switch nature, but all are more than welcome to answer

Did your experience as a bottom help you to understand how to be a "proper" top? how did that help you?

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RE: Taking on the top role - 8/14/2006 9:17:01 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Absolutely for me. I could sense far more quickly where their headspace was, why it was there, and how to predict it and manage it better. I've caught myself more than a few times at hearing/watching a bottom doing exactly what I do- and now having to handle it as a top.

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RE: Taking on the top role - 8/14/2006 9:33:24 AM

darkinshadows

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I don't see myself as a switch because I top for Anothers desire, not my own (persay).

I do however agree with Em that being on the other end has helped, to an extent. In my case, I don't know if it is me purely 'sensing' His headspace however, or if its observing and understanding via how I know my experience to be and reacting to the signs.

Peace and Rapture

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RE: Taking on the top role - 8/14/2006 4:14:32 PM

Evanesce

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quote:

Did your experience as a bottom help you to understand how to be a "proper" top? how did that help you?

Absolutely. Because I know what *I* want and enjoy as a bottom, and what I dislike as a bottom, and how different techniques produce different results, I'm able to incorporate that knowledge and experience into what I do as a top. I also think, however, that it's made me a bit more sadistic than I might have been had I not started on the bottom, and that tends to scare some (male, mostly) submissives off.

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RE: Taking on the top role - 8/15/2006 8:23:43 AM

JessieMe

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For me, being in a dominant role is very different from being in a submissive role. I am not looking for the same type of thing. I find when "topping" I have very little empathy for what the "bottom" is going through. I simply enjoy the total sadism of my acts and the rush I get from the control. Its cool..<weg>

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RE: Taking on the top role - 8/16/2006 2:17:05 PM

GeekFreak

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On top of my roles I like hame and cheese. Or if not available, some margarine/butter. ;)

Oh...ya...I don't have an answer to the real question since I never started from the bottom. But it seems knowing your partner really well would be much more significant in being able to top correctly than if you'd bottomed before. Although, if you had a bottom who had no idea what they wanted...having been a bottom at times could certainly help you come up with ideas.

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RE: Taking on the top role - 8/16/2006 2:26:12 PM

Bearlee

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From: South Central CO
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Yup, I feel much the same as LA. My experiences as a bottom surely help me as a Top.

Still, I wonder if I'm a true (hahahaha) switch though...While I can easily Top another, and do it well; even sadistically, I cannot Dominate anybody. I'm submissive through and through. Nor can I Top anybody I've submitted to. Good Heavens!!!

Does that make sense?
beverly

(in reply to GeekFreak)

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RE: Taking on the top role - 8/17/2006 7:32:45 AM

MzTlaz

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I really don't like to dish out anything I haven't tried myself....well, with the exception of CBT for obvious reasons...lol! So, yes, I think it absolutely makes a difference.

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RE: Taking on the top role - 8/23/2006 9:50:23 PM

sierraflowr

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From: Northern California
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I think that describes me pretty well too. I got quite a high the other day..then a serious Dom drop too

although i have to admit i wouldn't have started to play with my husband if he wasnt so fun to do so with. He laughs all the time. the harder you hit the more he chuckles!
but yes being a submissive and learning how to do things from that POV has helped me be a dominant.

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RE: Taking on the top role - 8/25/2006 10:39:40 AM

MistressMelissa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

Yup, I feel much the same as LA. My experiences as a bottom surely help me as a Top.

Still, I wonder if I'm a true (hahahaha) switch though...While I can easily Top another, and do it well; even sadistically, I cannot Dominate anybody. I'm submissive through and through. Nor can I Top anybody I've submitted to. Good Heavens!!!

Does that make sense?
beverly

Actually you make a lot of sense. Submissive is your personality and whether you top or bottom these are roles that you play. To actually dominate someone requires a part of your personality that as a submissive you would lack.

Is life not grand that it can mess with our heads like this?

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RE: Taking on the top role - 9/5/2006 3:23:04 PM

Argentopal

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From: Central Texas / Hill Country
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Actually you make a lot of sense. Submissive is your personality and whether you top or bottom these are roles that you play. To actually dominate someone requires a part of your personality that as a submissive you would lack.

Well, actually, I have a very submissive personality. It has affected many areas of my life. However, I am discovering a need in me that will only be fulfilled by being "dominate" to someone. I differentiate between topping someone, which I also love to do and being Dominate to someone, which I am finding a certain 'need' to do, if you will. I seem to be able to blend my submission and my dominance so far, staying in "dom mode" with the boy while getting up and getting my Daddy his drink. It is my yin and yang and I am finding joy and fulfillment in being able to let both sides come out to play.
MsOpal aka Daddy Argent's babygirl

(in reply to MistressMelissa)

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RE: Taking on the top role - 9/5/2006 4:43:39 PM

CreoleCook

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Starting out as a bottom, I learned a lot of techniques and mind sets needed to perform up to a certain expectation. I also learned a lot of decidedly mental exercises to help my Top have better ways to push my own limits.

Now that I am strictly Dominant, I have to say it was well worth being a bottom, and even highly suggest it to everybody in the Lifestyle. See how the other half lives, so to speak, even if just for a day. It makes a hell of a difference knowing how the flogger feels, versus just weilding the thing...

CC

(in reply to Argentopal)

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RE: Taking on the top role - 9/6/2006 1:55:02 AM

porcelaine

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Joined: 7/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: beenwhipped

My question is primarily for those that started as a bottom and discovered their switch nature, but all are more than welcome to answer

Did your experience as a bottom help you to understand how to be a "proper" top? how did that help you?

It was done in the reverse order for me. However, I find that my experiences have allowed me to be more informed as a submissive and much more patient as well. When moments of frustration or confusion hit I work earnestly to view things from his perspective. I know I've gained a greater respect for both roles and find that as my submission flourishes so does the dominant traits I carry within as well.

Although I am not functioning as a top at present, I expect to do so in the future. I have discovered the connectedness of each role and how they are more dependent on the other than I initially realized when my journey began. I'm more attuned to the mistakes and other unintentional errors that might typically go unnoticed by a submissive without training or experiences on the other side. The latter can be detrimental when taken to excess.

porcelaine

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RE: Taking on the top role - 9/9/2006 6:14:17 PM

MistressMelissa

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Joined: 11/21/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Argentopal

Actually you make a lot of sense. Submissive is your personality and whether you top or bottom these are roles that you play. To actually dominate someone requires a part of your personality that as a submissive you would lack.

Well, actually, I have a very submissive personality. It has affected many areas of my life. However, I am discovering a need in me that will only be fulfilled by being "dominate" to someone. I differentiate between topping someone, which I also love to do and being Dominate to someone, which I am finding a certain 'need' to do, if you will. I seem to be able to blend my submission and my dominance so far, staying in "dom mode" with the boy while getting up and getting my Daddy his drink. It is my yin and yang and I am finding joy and fulfillment in being able to let both sides come out to play.
MsOpal aka Daddy Argent's babygirl

Yes, but as you say. Topping is but a role you play when you "dominate" someone. The fact that you still serve your Daddy while you top your bottom proves my point. Ones nature ie your submissive nature and your ability to top is but a role you play for the pleasure or the release. Being a Dominant and being a top are not the same thing. Dominant or submissive they are based on personality. Top, bottom or switch are roles that we play while getting kinky.

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The person who says it can not be done, should not interrupt the person doing it. - Ancient Wisdom

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RE: Taking on the top role - 11/22/2006 10:06:59 PM

BotanicalMiss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMelissa

Being a Dominant and being a top are not the same thing. Dominant or submissive they are based on personality. Top, bottom or switch are roles that we play while getting kinky.

I agree with the first two statements here, but not completely with the third. For me, "switch" is not a role that I play while getting kinky. There are two very distinct strong sides to my personality and it depends on the person I'm with as to which one is brought out in me. My companion is very definitely a Dom and even though he claims that he doesn't tell me what to do, how do it or when, we both know that he wears the pants around here and things are almost always done the way he wants them without him having to ask. He doesn't consider me to be his submissive, nor do I consider him to be my Dom. We are very nearly equals but there is, always has been, and always will be a certain level of D/s to our relationship and he knows that at the drop of a hat he could have me on my knees at his feet. He likes to bottom on the rare occasion, but I simply can't bring myself to take total control of him even though that's what he wants... not to control a scene where he's the bottom, but to be completely controlled. *shrugs* I just can't do it with him. With his slave and others, however, I am completely dominant and have no submissive tendencies whatsoever (and sometimes she absolutely hates me because she can't "top" me in any way *chuckles*). It's not in me to switch roles with the same person because for me it's not a role, it's what a person brings out in me and I have yet to find the person who brings out both. I'm not saying it can't happen though! Anyway, that's just my 2 cents.

BotanicalMiss

(in reply to MistressMelissa)

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RE: Taking on the top role - 11/23/2006 3:58:30 AM

ScienceBoy

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From: Bristol, UK
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I'm newly switchified, but yes, starting out as a subby biatch helps.

It gives me ideas, and I fondly delude myself that it helps me make it a more pleasurable (or not) experience for my partner, because I've got conciousness of their side at the same time.

As the wise men say - know your enemy. Muhahahahaaah.

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RE: Taking on the top role - 12/1/2006 9:47:02 AM

jthorne

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Absolutely, beenwhipped. Having experienced the mindset allows me to be more in tune with the sub's needs and wants, I think.

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